counselormama

A night at the club! Yes, at my age.

2011-11-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody!!
I am here, I am sorry I don't post more, but I will make a conscious effort to do so more often! So here is my latest:

To celebrate a friend's 40th Birthday we went to a dance club that caters to an "older" crowd. We got hooked up with VIP service and our own booth, which gave me an awesome view of the scene.
Now, as someone who never goes to clubs anymore, I was able to observe with a fresh perspective! I have decided that after one visit, I am qualified to be an expert in clubgear and club etiquette.

Some do's and don'ts:

DON'T wear skin tight dresses if doing so makes you look pregnant, or if you have rolls that can't be managed with Spanx. There are plenty of other clothing options, ladies!

DO hurry up in the bathroom and by one in the morning, you shouldn't bother with rearranging your "girls" or spraying a cloud of hairspray around your head. I don't think either of these actions will affect things for you at this point.

DON'T yell at people in the bathroom telling them they are doing "Bullsh-- business" and holding up the line. No one will move any faster.

DO try to make servers who spill things like an entire tray of vodka, glasses, orange juice, cranberry juice, and ice in front of your group feel less embarrassed. It can be awkward to say the least. Probably because the entire spilling episode took a really long time to end. Did I mention it can be awkward? And loud.

DON'T wear dresses that are too short. Here are some ways to tell....If your underwear is visible, or your cheeks hang out, that's a clear indication.

Did you know that wearing fishnets stockings can cut you? They can. I saw it happen.

DON"T wear shoes that you have the tendency to fall in, especially when drinking.

DO stop drinking if you are walking around with your eyes closed.

DON'T cop a feel on the dance floor. You risk bodily injury or harm.

I think this should cover it. All in all, I had a great time! I got to see people doing all kinds of strange and funny things and had friends who made me laugh until my stomach hurt. I realized that I just don't get out much late at night anymore. I forgot how much happens when your out and about late into the evening!

Yeah..don't worry about my feelings...

2011-08-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I have missed being a part of the blog world, not sure what to say, but will post as I am inspired...
So, I was at a neighborhood BBQ this weekend where we attended the 50th Bday party of a gal we used to lived by. We walked into the house, which I have not walked into for about five years when...

Mom of friend: "Wow, hi! I did not recognize you! You put some weight on since I saw you last!"
Me: "Yeah, well you know, having kids..." ( I pat my gut area)
Her: " You finally look like a real woman!" (looks at other women in the room) "You shoulda seen her before! She was a toothpick, this thing!" (pointing at me)
Me: "Yeah.."
Other women in room: (look around awkwardly)
Her: "Well, you look nice, finally!"
Me: "Oh thanks, well, I am going to go outside and say hi to..(.blah blah blah)

So as you can see, things are status quo in my life! I am hoping to post regularly again, but for whatever reason, this has been hard for me. :( Hope you have all been well!

Anatomy 101

2011-05-23T22:50:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I'm not sure who is still reading, but I am here to randomly post! I've missed the blogworld, but have been distracted by my lack of employment, I guess...

I have been looking into doing what people do when they can't find a job, consulting! I'll let you know how that works out for me in a few months hopefully! OK, so I wanted to post about a conversation with my two sweet kids one night while I was lying in bed with them, trying to get them to fall asleep. Here it is:

Dear 5 y.o son: Mom? What is the real word for a boy's peepee again?

Me: It's called a penis.

Dear son and dear 7 y.o daughter in unison: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Dear daughter: Or 'balls', the boys at my school call it balls....

Me: Um, ok, wait...(trying to get into teacher mode) Boys are born with two balls that are under neath the penis...the penis is the part that a boy pees out of.

Dear daughter: What are the balls for? Why do boys have balls?

Me: Err, they help with reproduction...Did I mention they are under the penis?

It is now quiet for a moment, while I'm sure both kids take the time to digest this nugget of knowledge, if you will...when out of the darkness:

Dear son: "I'm touching my balls right now!!!"

Yup, a day in the life around here!

A pizza my heart

2011-02-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

OK, so I know many of you are wondering, "Where the heck has Counselormama gone?? I miss her posts!" etc. Well, I have discovered a new way to manage my stress and process through my life issues. I am now making cheesy animation "movies"! They are sooo fun and easy to do, and I really make myself LOL when I am creating them. I recommend making one even just once. I will post my latest creation called "A Pizza My Heart" or could also be called, "Valentine's Day FAIL" . To give you some background: I made this particular movie after a conversation I had with my hubs when I got home on Vday. It is verbatim. It was also after I told him two of my GF's got iphone's and one got a bike! ha ha. We did go to a nice dinner that night, but this was before that. Please to enjoy:

I want a do-over for this morning, please!

2011-01-12T10:09:00.001-08:00

This is another post where I just need to vent, so brace yourself....
You know what I remember? I remember when I used to get ready for work in the mornings BK (Before Kids). It was quiet, I was the only one in the house, and maybe my biggest struggle was a bad hair day or forgetting my coffee on the kitchen counter. This morning, I had the opposite of this memory.
It started out easy enough, uneventful, even. I still can't pinpoint where things went awry..hmmm.
Let's see, I told four kids to get in the car and said, "Grab your backpacks and get your shoes on and get in the car." A seemingly simple request. Seemingly. Before I could even get out of the driveway someone was crying about someone else pushing them.
Then we get to the first school and I see someone I need to talk to so I tell the two girls (daughter and niece), "Let's go, the bell just rang." I wait to see that the girls are getting out of the car and I talk to the person I was looking for. Then I don't see the girls anywhere, because.... they. are. still. getting. out. of. the. car!
I have no idea what was taking them so long but anyways, I rush them along and then they come back to me while I was getting back into the car to leave and show me two late slips they got. Argh!
On to next school to drop boys off...My dear son starts to complain, "Mom! You said there was no school today, you tricked me!" Me: "What are you talking about? Of course there is school today!" This insane dialogue went on for a bit and ended no where...
So finally we get to the school and I see that my nephew has no shoes on! I said, "where are you shoes???"
He tells me, "You said I didn't have to wear them." OK, seriously, what alternate universe were these boys on where I had these conversations with them? Anyways, the icing on the cake....
I finally get the boys out of the car and see that neither one has their backpack! ARGH!!!
Before you all judge me, I want you to know that I really thought I saw each kid do what they were supposed to do, grab what they were supposed to grab, etc. but for whatever reason, something went wrong when it came time to actually get into the car. Anyways, I really do feel better now, thanks! Stay tuned for a new Freak Magnet Friday post!

We're back from a week in Disneyland!

2011-01-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

Wow, well we made it and did a good job of having a good time. We were there on a record breaking day for number of people in attendance at Disneyland, on Tuesday. Although, I didn't need to be told there were record number of people there, it was pretty obvious. Pretty, pretty, pretty obvious, phew! But we somehow managed to keep 15 people all together to go on rides no matter what was going on. I was impressed! Here are some memorable quotes from the trip to hopefully give you a picture of how the week went:

"Is this a rollercoaster?" (Mom, who was traumatized by a small roller coaster ride earlier that day)

"I farted!!!" (Dear son, whilst in a very long and slow moving line, surrounded by people)

"That ride was awesome!!" (any one of the kids, at any given time after getting off a ride)

"Stop! Get down! Stop climbing on that!" (any one of us parents, to our kids at any given time)

"That's it! I'm writing a letter!" (Me, disappointed by the Christmas version of the Haunted Mansion after waiting in line for what seemed like four hours)

"Mulan is here!!! Mulan is here!!!" (Dear son, when Mulan walked through our breakfast buffet)

"Sir, you are obstructing traffic." "What traffic? There is no one here!" "Sir if you do not move we are going to call security..." (Interaction between my dad and line monitors at Cal Adventure, shortly before he got all Clark Griswold on them)

"Good thing Opa is still alive, because if he wasn't, then we wouldn't be going to Disneyland!" (Dear daughter, during a conversation on existentialism)

Also, randomly...noticed three different men from India discussing their need to go on the Pirates of the Carribean ride...wonder what that was about? ANYWAYS...

We all made it through the trip through the airports, through long, long lines, through vomiting at restaurants, through meltdowns in lobbies...we did it! And we loved it. Next family trip, Hawaii or Mexico, anyone?

Yes! A new post from me!

2010-12-13T21:42:00.000-08:00

I know this has been long awaited! Much like the second coming of the Tron series or the upcoming Breaking Dawn movie...

Updates: I am about 99.9% healed from my fractured femur/hip! I guess Kelly Ripa couldn't take all the attention I was getting and decided to do the same, she's such a Copy Catter!

OK, I got hired back at my district but only at 25% of full time, but crossing my fingers that another day of work comes up somewhere.

Still having a midlife crisis and it seems to show no signs of slowing down, ugh..It's as if what's left of my youth is quickly slipping through my fingers and I am powerless to stop it....Wow, now that was depressing! Sorry, but it's true...moving on:

My kids are fabulous and fantastic!!!!! I often wonder how I got so lucky having two perfect angels bestowed upon me! Just because I have been asked to leave the library on two separate occasions just goes to show me that the general public is so jealous, jeez....;)

I would like to be able to teach my kids appreciation for what they have. I am planning to have them help out with a worthy cause this holiday season. My telling them to eat their dinner because some people have to eat out of garbage cans seems to only disgust them. You can't appreciate something unless you know how good you have it, right? If anyone has any ideas, please let me know!

I saved the most interesting tidbit for last! And that is the fact that last month I finally used the crockpot we got as a wedding gift! I am well on my way to being domesticated! oh, wait...I mean more domestic, ha ha. As someone who is known for saying, "Cooking blows!" This crockpot thing really rocks! OK, thanks for still hanging in and I think I have now stocked up enough life situations to bring back FREAK MAGNET FRIDAY! Ok, not this Friday, but anyways...stay tuned and thanks for reading still!

Back up for air!

2010-10-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Sorry about the extended break but as per my last post, lots going on! I could get into all of it, but really, I'd rather not...I will keep it light by just throwing out some highlights from the past two months.

We are pretty much all moved in and I still can't believe I live here! Love my street, my house, and my neighbors (so far)!

Oh, and I DO NOT have Osteoporosis, an underlying bone disorder, a disease, a thyroid problem, a Vitamin D deficiency, and since we are being honest here, Gonorrhea and Syphilis have been ruled out as well, phew!

I am still on "lay off status" at work, but there have been many advantages to not going to work everyday, with the exception of a paycheck, but whatevs....

I walked two miles yesterday for the first time since the fracture diagnosis almost two months ago, yes! Felt good to be outside by myself again.

The kids and I still miss our old house and our neighbors, but that's how life goes sometimes.

Both kids are playing soccer right now and so far the verdict from both of them has been, "Meh..."

Ok, and I know we are all super excited about Halloween coming soon, I am planning to be an oppressed/repressed housewife from the '50's, you know, June Cleaver! I do have to be invited to a party soon or else it's kind of pointless, but anyways, that's it in a nutshell, thanks for reading!

About 24 hours in the ER, my report findings!

2010-08-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

So it all started with some on again off again pain in my hip area about four years ago, after my dear son was born. I would complain, get sent home with some Motrin, then be ok, then would aggravate the pain again, etc. Until this year after a day of hiking when it felt like my hip area seized up and I couldn't walk, like at all.

I was in the middle of getting an MRI when they pulled me out of the tube to say, "Did you know you have a fracture?" I was like, "what? who are you talking to?" I figured out it was me, but that's how surprised I was. I was then sent to the ER which I knew meant a long wait so I asked if the ER was busy (ha ha ha! I know, what a smart question!). They said I was a "trauma one" which meant I had priority over everyone except dying people...score! This means I would get in pretty quick I thought.

I get there and they put me on a gurney and put the bracelets on, including one that said, "FALL RISK". Nothing makes one feel old quite like wearing that kind of bling! so I wait, and I wait, and I wait....There is no room for me so they put me in the hallway right by the triage board, definitely NOT boring in that spot. I saw things I really could have gone my entire life without seeing. Including:
Drunk, belligerent people demanding cigarettes and drugs. I.e. "Nurse! Doctor! (raspy, crackly voice) I need a cigarette! Can someone take me out for a cigarette???" Hmm, I'm no doctor, but pretty sure that would not help your situation, regardless of what it is.

As I was laying there minding my own business I see a set of O.M.B's! Let me tell you, I really really did not need to see those. But that is what happens when some old drunk dude has his legs up with his gown on right at your eye level. Ah! I shudder every time!

A lady right behind me had an alcohol induced seizure, followed by her being so combative that she had to be restrained. Another man told me randomly that he should probably stop drinking if he doesn't want to lose his legs. I did not ask him for this info, but he freely shared as we were both laying on a gurney in the hallway. I felt like I might as well be out on the street with all that was happening! If you want to see reasons not to drink, try hanging out at the local ER.

More randomness...As I was getting some Xrays done one of the techs comes over and starts to tell me, in a very heavy (and somewhat effiminate) Vietnamese accent, the story of his hernia surgery. I will try to recall verbatim:

Him: "You know as patient, is very code in hee."
Me: "Oh, well I am not cold."
Him: "Wayo, when I had surgery for hernia, I was very code. Do you know that mostly it's da mens that get hernia?"
Me: "Yeah, I think I heard that somewhere."
Him: "It becaw when da baby is in da mom, da testico not descended yet."
Me: "I..did not know that, no."
Him: "Wayo, now you learn someting!" (this was followed by loud laughter on both our parts)

This conversation went on in further detail, complete with hand gestures to make his point very clear, but you get the drift. I realize this was incredibly politically incorrect, but felt I had to describe this conversation phonetically for the true experience to come through...moving on...

Finally I am told by a team of med students and the resident in charge (who was not unpleasant to look at, btw) that I will need surgery to fix my fractures! I was so disappointed by this news, but figured since they ALL agreed that surgery was necessary that I guessed it was, and I signed all the paperwork for early that morning.

So, more waiting and waiting and after about twenty hours without being allowed to eat or drink anything, I finally get a visit from the "Fracture Specialist." He comes in and goes, "You do not need surgery." I was sooo happy and now confused. I said, "What about what that doctor said last night?" He goes, "Pshhh, he was a resident. I am the one who decides." Oh, ok...I did like this answer better. I then proceeded to tell him my own thoughts about my x-rays and he gave the student he brought with him "that" look. You know, the look that says, "Oh look, yet another patient who thinks she can read x-rays!" Whatever! I was right after all...

Well, after all was said and done, no surgery! Now I could eat! I finally relaxed and watched a marathon of Judge Judy, Keeping up with the Kardashians, and a bunch of other mindless TV. Those last few hours almost made up for the twelve hours I spent in the hallway of the ER. They said I could take my time about calling my ride home, so I did! When else am I going to have someone wait on me while I watch TV in bed? Exactly.

What a week so far, and it's only Monday!

2010-08-09T21:40:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Or maybe, hi you!
This week has been like an emotional roller coaster and as my title states, it's only Monday.

Wow, ok, so we finally, finally found a house that we love and are moving. Everything about it is perfect! I'm sure our realtor agent popped a bottle of Champagne, he is probably so tired of us, ha ha.

Then went to my job today to find out why they were asking me to come get my stuff, I thought we were going to wait and see? Ahhh, not likely. Later it hit me that this is the first time I will not be around on the first day of school and I was so sad :(. I almost didn't cry about it.

Then I went to the doctor and guess what? (No, I am not preggo) My blood pressure is back to normal, woo hoo!

Then I talked with my dear friend's hubby about how her cancer treatment is going ( going well so far, btw) since she was not in a position to talk. I missed her and worried about her and then tried unsuccessfully not to cry, again...

Then I found out one of my cousins is pregnant! They have been through a lot when it comes to this so it is like a little miracle! Nothing like new life to make me feel happy and hopeful again!

Thanks for following this rollercoaster! I feel better just blogging about it all!

Roughing It

2010-07-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

(Posted pic is not really representative of my actual family, it is for point making purposes only)

So we just got back from a week of camping with our extended family. We go to a campground in Lake Tahoe, it has all the basic necessities, but you still get covered with a lot of dirt and there is always the bear factor! (Side note: I have never seen a bear there in the 30 plus years I have been camping). The good news is that my kids are now able to really appreciate being at one with nature, etc. However, I think there may have been times we pushed a little too hard in this respect.

First example, a 3.5 mile round trip hike. Yes that is kind of a lot, but on the way there was so leisurely and neat that it was no problem. On the way back? Way different story! Both of my kids (ages almost 7 and 4) told me their legs were not working anymore, the hubs and I took turns carrying them which was not easy going up a rocky trail. They both were thirsty and sweaty by the time we made it back. Both declared they were, "Never, ever, never going hiking again!" Oopsies, so much for making fun childhood memories...

Second example, a family bike ride through the campground! I thought this would also be a great family activity, you know, with the whole being active thing, but it really became unpleasant and dare I say torturous? Yes. So we are all riding bikes together when shortly after we take off (and I mean still within sight of where we just left) my dear son who is four, starts complaining. He started with, "My legs hurt, they hurt so bad!" This is followed by loud moaning and groaning for other campers to see and hear. I tried to be encouraging by telling him it was a short ride, to enjoy the trees and the little animals we saw, but he wasn't having any of it. This continues until he starts crying and saying, "Agua! I need agua!" He had his head thrown back for maximum effect. Keep in mind that we are really not a bilingual household. People passing us probably wondered if they should alert Social Services, geez....One group of ladies passed us and started saying things like,"look at that poor little boy!" By the time we made a half circle it was time to head back, I was laughing at all the theatrics, the hubs was annoyed, and my dear daughter was rolling her eyes, it was a perfect family moment!

Ok, but besides these two examples, we had a great time! It is fun to hang with family I don't see that often and the lake is always so clear and beautiful. My kids love seeing all their cousins and they run around exploring everything. It really is good times, we will do it all again next year!

My review of two short plays, category: tragedy!

2010-06-17T00:04:00.000-07:00

Summer is here which means lots of free time for the kidlets! Today I had my five year old niece and my six year old daughter at my house all day. This of course, inevitably, leads to my watching at least a million different plays, shows, dances, etc. I am used to this but felt I must describe two of the plays I (was forced to) watch. They were tales of tragedy which reached a dark and disturbing level that left me shocked and also with a mental note to monitor more closely what they watch on TV. Here is a synopsis of the first play:

Young girl crying in a chair (very young, like five years old). Slightly older girl comes in and asks younger girl: "What's wrong?" Younger girl, sobbing, replies: "My boyfriend just broke up with me!" Older girl: "Why?" Younger girl: "Well, I had a cat and my boyfriend did this to it! (Stabbing motion) and now it's gone!" Me (from the audience): "Oh my gosh! Your boyfriend sounds like a mean boy!" This is followed by two glares for interrupting said play...anyways, it ended shortly after this, like right after, actually.

Next play: Older girl (like six years old) sitting in a chair, sobbing, with a blanket pulled over her. Younger girl comes in and asks older girl: "What's wrong?" Older girl: "My boyfriend just broke up with me!" Younger girl: "Well why?" Older girl: "Well, I had a baby and he took it!" Younger girl: "Where did he take it???" Older girl: " I don't know, but he took it away!!!" Me (from audience): "What is with these girls and their mean boyfriends? I mean you see how much trouble boys can be? etc etc." This interruption is again followed by two "looks that could kill" glares proceeded by an attempt to silence me by putting hands over my mouth, shees! The play also, coincidently, ended shortly after my outburst.

Yup, this is what's happening around here so far. Next play will hopefully not include the beginnings of Lifetime movie channel material!

I'm still here!

2010-06-03T23:20:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody! I am here I have just been dealing with the tail end of the school year. This means for myself, my daughter, and my son. I am also taking an online class on "Psychopharmacology" in an attempt to get licensed. I am planning a surprise party for my dad, working a 50 year celebration carnival for my daughter's school, and even though I have been laid off, I still have to go to a bunch of meetings, how did that happen???
I am busier than I have been since Graduate school! Btw, being out of school for more than ten years, it was very difficult to put my "student" hat on again! That part of my brain has been de-activated for quite some time. It reminds me of that time last year that I attempted a cartwheel after at least 15 years since doing the last one. Oy!
Summer is coming, so I will have more time to post about my adventures, thanks for sticking around I miss my blog sisters on here but just need to get through this. Stay classy, blogosphere!

T minus 31 days to 40!

2010-05-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

Sooooo, it has hit me like ton of bricks that I am going to turn 40 in one month! How did this happen?? This has caused a new flare up of my ongoing mid-life crisis, sigh....To put things into perspective and to hopefully help me get a grip, I have come up with a top five list for both the positive and negative aspects of turning forty from my POV. Here goes:

Things I do not like about turning 40:
1. I remember my mom being 40 and thinking she was old.
2. The "young half" of my life is behind me (sorry, but you know it's true)
3. wrinkles around my eyes that stay even when I am not smiling or squinting.
4. Men do not seem to flirt with me as much as they used to, although I am sure I am mistaken about this one....right???
5. I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror when I first wake up in the morning, I mean, who is this chick?

Things I like about turning 40:
1. I have a beautiful family, totally worth ruining my body for, btw!
2. I consider myself successful and love what I do for a living.
3. I don't care nearly as much as I used to about other people's opinions, thank God...
4. Inside, I feel like I'm 20, but then that could be because I am incredibly immature, ha!
5. I am in good shape, mostly healthy, and I try to accept all social invitations while I am still young enough to enjoy going out!

In summary, yay me!!! Oh yeah, I need ideas for how to celebrate :)

The tooth fairy has changed!

2010-04-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

So my dear six year old daughter has been walking around with her teeth falling out as of late. Well, not literally, but she is at the age where she loses a tooth like once a month it seems. This has led to discussions about the toothfairy and how she(?) operates, what kind of loot she leaves, how does this fairy know when a tooth is under the pillow?, etc.

This, in turn has led me to have discussions with other parents and how the Tooth Fairy operates in their households. In conclusion, I guess one could say the Fairy who comes to our house is "old school", and by old school, I mean cheap, no frills kind of stuff. This is what I have learned in chatting with others:

Some of you really build up the whole thing the night before, writing tiny notes, leaving sparkly glitter around, putting the tooth in a fancy container. Some of you actually go purchase a small gift! I am so impressed (not judgemental, at all!)by all of you who go all out!

It's not that I am lame, it just never occured to me to do more than leave a dollar under the pillow, because, well, when I was a kid there was not much fanfare, just a QUARTER under my pillow. No note, no fairy dust, no fancy container, and definitely no gift of any kind! Como friegas, already! Oops. I forgot that I wasn't going to be all judgy...hee hee. I was happy with my quarter, too!

To be nice, it sounds like all of that extra stuff is fun and really, they are only kids for such a short time....yadda yadda...so might as well be creative and have a sense of frivolity, right? I guess I could learn from all the cute ideas out there! Feel free to give me any ideas that a) don't cost a lot and b) don't involve extensive planning of any kind. Thank you for your input :)

My review of New Moon, if anyone cares...

2010-03-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! So sorry I haven't been around, I hope someone is still reading out there, hello? hello?

OK, so I recently watched New Moon on DVD with some gal pals. This was my second viewing of this movie so I feel I have a solid understanding of this nonmasterpiece. First and foremost, the acting was, hmm, how should I say this? HORRIBLE! I loved all of the Twilight books and the acting did not do any of it justice.

"Bella" is a mumbler and she did not sell devastation very well. The scene, THE scene where Edward leaves her is supposed to be the worst thing ever. She basically walks around like Rainman mumbing his name a few times, trips over a log and falls on her face, and scene! Yup, that was it. Jeez, I show more emotion when I kill a spider.

"Edward" mostly stands around looking like he has a stomach ache and it looks like the director tells him before every scene: "Edward stands awkwardly in the background. Ok, let's roll!"

"Jacob"...hmmm Jacob is hot....oh wait, ok the movie....his acting actually was not bad. The funny thing about him is that he did not have a shirt on the ENTIRE movie and no one asks why? If I were in the movie I don't think I would be able to concentrate on my lines with him standing around like that, the fact that I am old enought to be his mother is irrelevant. I guess it's a good thing no one asked me to be in it.

Speaking of, I told a friend of mine that maybe I could have a part in Breaking Dawn? I could play a character that phases into a cougar and goes after the wolves....but I digress.

So, does this mean I am not going to watch Eclipse? No way! I plan to be at the theater with my popcorn and some friends and we will say we are there with our teenage daughters who ditched us.

Please forgive my lack of posting, I suck...

2010-03-10T21:41:00.000-08:00

OK, I don't really think I suck, but anyways! I am so sorry I haven't posted lately, I have actually went to post several times but something always interrupted me. I can fill you in on some things that have been going on with me, which may or may not excuse why I haven't blogged in a while!

I recently got a "preliminary" pink slip. This means I am laid off until further notice, basically. There were 90 teachers laid off throughout my school district, this just blows my mind. Who suffer the most? The students!!

More fun news and maybe TMI...I have recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure, because you know, I am secretly an obese old man, jeez! WTH? I was so convinced there was a mistake, I have never had high blood pressure in my life! I told them that they needed to do it over because surely they did it wrong, ha! This is strange to me because I exercise, I eat right most of the time, I am not 60+ years old. Weird. I am trying alternative methods in dealing with this. I don't want to start on the daily meds thing quite yet. I don't want to have to buy one of those plastic weekly pill containers that help you remember your meds! OK, moving on...

Apparently my school has been built on an ancient indian burial ground because we have had some CRAZY stuff happen as of late. Well, more crazy than normal anyways...We had a student who has never been in any kind of trouble start a fight with another student, we were shocked! We asked her what on earth happened, she said "The devil got inside me." Hmmm. I may try that as an excuse myself in the near future.
We had some second grade students pole dancing at recess and then were flashing their "ta ta's". Yup, that's right! They were also "booty dancing" and when asked what they were doing they said they were, "Pretend strip club!" Ugh....
We had a fifth grader bring a Marijuana bud to show all his friends, he said he "found it on the sidewalk" on his way to school, mmmhmmm.
Last we had to have the police involved in a fight between a nine and seven year old, and they are brothers! Did you remember that I work at an ELEMENTARY school? I am afraid for our future after all this!

What else is happening around here? hmmm, oh yeah, for Lent I have decided to work out six days a week and to only put healthy food in my body, cut out after dinner snacks, drink more water,etc. How is this working out for me? I have been following my own rules and as a reward I have GAINED two pounds! I know! The universe is punishing me for some reason, maybe I was Hitler in a past life, or? OK, that is all for now. I will make an effort to post at least weekly, thanks for reading :)

Get Your Crab On!

2010-02-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

My daughter's elementary school has a big crabfeed every year and it is a pretty big deal around here. Last year was the first time I had ever been to one but had to leave early so I didn't really get to see how involved these things are. This year I stayed for the whole thing and this is what I observed:

First, people are serious about their crab! People bring their own butter, candles and those little containers to melt the butter in. They bring crab nut cracker thingy's, and lemons and oranges. There is salad, bread rolls and pasta to act as "fillers" so you don't just eat crab, but the experienced people were onto that, and they flat out refused any food until the crab came out.

When the big aluminum containers of crab come out people yell, "CRAB!" when it gets near them. I guess this is in case the crab doesn't know what it is, which it doesn't, because it is cooked and not alive anymore.

The bigger your pile of crab shells are, the better! People were bragging about how big their pile was going to be and when they were done, how big their piles were. People were even taking pics of their used up crab shells, that is not gross or anything.

What are the oranges for, you ask? You bring them into the bathroom to wash your hands when you are done eating. They really help get the crab smell off. That is a good thing. What to do when you are done eating? Well, now is the part of the show where you dance!

And also, where apparently, you get stinkin' drunk. Ahhh, good times! I had not seen so many people drunk in one place since college! No one seems to be worried or ashamed by this behavior. It's like Mardi Gras, but local.

All in all, I had a great time! Now that I have some tips I will be at the next one ready with butter and bib in hand. If you have never been and you like seafood, I highly recommend it! Remember, they are always for a good cause, so you can feel good about your gluttonous, raunchy behavior!

Recurring fantasies, circa 1985-1990

2010-01-28T22:26:00.000-08:00

So my recent addiction to the Twilight series (I know, I am a little behind the times) has transported me back to my early teenage years. I actually feel like I am fourteen or fifteen when I read them! I should have had a hint when I went to the library to try to find a copy and they sent me to the "Youth section."

I started thinking about what was going on for me at those times, where my head was at, what was important to me, etc. Then I remembered the oft repeated fantasies I had going on. Nothing dirty (that I will share) thank you very much! I had a few scenarios that I would replay in my head over and over from time to time during these impressionable years. First, let me preface by saying that all these fantasies are incredibly ego-centric, but that is what made them great! Here is a sampling:

The Hospital stay-This one involves me being in some sort of accident which almost results in my death. The guy I had a crush on would hear of my experience and come rushing to my side, telling me that when he found out what happened he realized how much we were meant to be together! This event caused him great distress and he had to get to the hospital as quickly as possible to tell me his feelings in case I didn't make it. Phew!

The Funeral-This is one I had for many years, often thought of during times I had trouble sleeping and obviously before I had kids. It could get very detailed, but most of the main points stayed consistent. The scene is my funeral, there is sad music playing, my boyfriend at the time is on suicide watch. People make these great speeches about how great I was, and EVERY guy I ever dated, liked, thought about, etc. was there, distraught beyond words....Ok, as I am reading back, this is hilarious! Aaah, youth....

The Wedding- This one is so narcissistic, that the groom in this fantasy doesn't even have a face! That is because I have had this one the longest, so it was ever changing. I am at a Cathedral somewhere, and everyone I know in the world is there. I walk down the aisle in the fanciest gown ever and people just gasp as I walk down the isle, in complete awe of how awesome I look! Again, every guy I have ever had contact with is (of course invited, and..) silently weeping at their lost opportunity, poor shleps!

So, now, I want to ask you what your (clean) adolescent fantasies were? Did you share any similar to mine? Please share, unless it is too embarrassing for you :)

Happy Friday!

Clarification: This person is NOT a freak...

2010-01-22T21:01:00.000-08:00

She is my mom! Ok, so I have been on the fence about this post as my mom reads my blog sometimes and I would not want her to feel insulted. BUT after a few observations on this topic, I feel compelled to write about this phenomenon. I will just hope she has a sense of humor about it, like I do! I am talking about... Technology And My Mom (echoey sound effect). A confusing, frustrating, and funny combination. This has nothing to do with age, as I have noticed that since the early days of technology (tape to tape, answering machines, speed dial, etc.) there have been issues. Some classic examples:

Television: The TV in our house confuses my mom whenever she visits. Once I saw her with one of our remote controls raised high over her head and she was clicking and clicking it. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was trying to lower the volume of the TV. I said, "but why are you pointing it at the bookshelf?"

Also, anytime she has our remote in her hands she will inevitably change the output so that it ends up on some snowy channel with no volume, probably some station from like Nebraska or something. I have no idea how the TV ends up in that state, I couldn't do that if I tried!

Cell phone: My mom is under the impression that you must yell while simultaneously holding your hand in front of your mouth in order to be heard by the person on the other end. I actually have a picture illustrating this, but I won't post it, but it is funny, hee hee.

Home phone (aka "land line"): At one point I wanted to make life easier for my mom so I put all her important numbers into her phone thinking it would make things more convenient. All she has to do is push the phonebook button and then use the arrows to scroll. I have demonstrated this to her several times, but she still just hands me the phone and says, "can you call so and so for me?" After about four years of telling her all the numbers are in the the phone and you just have to blah blah blah, she will still go find her old black address book and look up numbers!

Social Media: My sis and I recently set up a Facebook page for my mom so she can stay in touch with some of our relatives. I know what you are thinking at this point, but anyways! One time she was at my house and asked if she could log in to her account from my computer. I did everything except put her password in and said, "There. Just put in your password and log in." I went back to what I was doing and after like three minutes I said, "Did you log in?" She was still typing and said she was almost done. I asked, "What are you typing?" Then I went to look and she was in the process of creating a new account!
Later, while we were on the phone, I was trying to explain how instant messaging worked and the dialogue between us was hilarious! Well, to me it was anyways..

Her: Where do I see who is messaging me?
Me: The bottom right hand corner, you should see my name...
Her: Where it says "news feed?"
Me: No, the VERY bottom of your screen, on the right... Her: I don't see any names...do I click on the yellow thing?
Me: Yellow thing?
Her: Yes, I see a yellow thing, should I click on it?
Me: I don't see a yellow thing on my screen.
Her: Oh, I clicked on it and now I am offline!
(followed by Spanish expletives)

And there you have it! I love my mom to death and hope that she manages to skip this post, ha ha! Happy Friday, and thanks for reading!

Why The Face????

2010-01-19T10:14:00.000-08:00

Last week my Principal called me into his office and said, "We need to talk about your job...."
Ugh! Our district is in a serious financial crisis and as a result, there are going to be around 70 more layoffs this year. Principal also said if he were me he would start looking for another job NOW, and not wait. He said, "even if you need to break your contract..." WHOA! For those of you who work at a school, you know what this means. Sooo, let me know if you hear of any job openings for an awesome counselor! I have excellent references! OK, anyways, moving on...

So I have noticed some annoying trends in the world of Facebook that seemed to have leaked from the email world.....

One, the copy and pasted status updates...It says, "What's on your mind?" Not, "What's on your friend's mind." Not sure why people do this. I really don't need to read the same exact status update from all my friends.

Second, the implication that I do not support: breast cancer research, abandoned orphans, the amazon, the environment, finding missing children, etc. If I do not copy and paste! I really can't believe some of my own friends do this, I just shake my head.

The copy and pasted statements about what a phenomenal woman I am, ha! I would like it if it came from the heart instead of, "Fwd this to at least seven phenomenal women you know, or burn in Hell!!! " Ok, it's never anything that drastic, but you know what I mean. I guess I could just appreciate the message, right? I just have a pet peeve about these things.

It will be interesting to see what trends come about, I am waiting for the old, " FWD: FWD FWD: WARNING!!! PLEEASE READ! THIS IS SCARY!!!" heading to now makes its way onto Facebook or maybe it already has and I missed it? Anways, that's all I got for now!

Freak Magnet Friday! This one is fresh, just happened today!

2010-01-07T21:19:00.000-08:00

I finally I have a Freak Magnet Friday story I can share with you all! Note: I have had several stories that I would like to post, but it is just too risky at this point in time. Bummer.

This is my last week off of work until Spring Break, so I have been really trying to enjoy these few remaining days. Today, as per my New Year's rez, I went for a 2.5 mile run even though it was freezing cold! Ok, I think it was 48 degrees, but that is close enough. I had dear 3 year old son with me so I of course had to bring the rickshaw, aka jogging stroller which always makes running that much more fun.

After my run we stop at the waterpark which is a neighborhood park that has a "Sprayground". This is a place that has a bunch of water squirting, dumping, splashing apparatuses for the kids to play with in the summer. My dear son asked me if he could go turn on the water for the sprayground and I told him the water doesn't come on in the Winter because it is just too darn cold. Plus, there is a sign that says the water will be turned back on in May.

Anywho...So dear son goes over and pushes the buttons that turn on the water and everything comes on, water everywhere, full force! We both just looked at the water going because neither of us thought it would actually turn on. This is when I see a maintenance guy standing by the bathrooms, staring at me. I looked at him because I thought he was going to say something about us turning on the water. But no, he just keeps staring until the moment becomes awkward, so I say: "Oh, I thought the water was shut off in the Winter."
Him: It is supposed to be off (heavy accent, it is apparent that English is not his first language).
Me: Yeah, I thought the city kept it off to conserve water, maybe we should tell someone?
Him: Yes, it is supposed to be off, I don't know why it is on.

At this point he walks over to stand next to me and watches the water spraying.

Him: (Serious tone) Do you want to take a shower? You could take a shower, you don't need soap.
Me: No....
Him: Yes, you should take a shower, go (gestures toward spraying water).
Him to my son: Hey, little Mister, do you want to take a shower? Go on, go in the water...
Then he actually tries to guide my son into the spraying water! I was like, WTF? So then I tell my son that it is time to leave the park and I go to get him into the rickshaw/jog stroller and this guy follows me! I looked at him confused. He stands right by me as I get son situated and at this point I am starting to have thoughts like, "Please don't kill me" and such. I get out of there as fast as I can and when I finally get to the main sidewalk I look back and he is standing in the same spot I left him in! Ugh, what a weirdo.

I think my mom may have jinxed me when she told me earlier that day to watch out for weird people while I was out on my run. I laughed and said I wasn't worried about that in my neighborhood, but I will keep my eye out, thanks.

Happy Friday! Thanks for reading and be glad it wasn't you!

Happy New Year! Also, please read my previous post!

2010-01-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

I just had to throw that out there, my last post is a great true story! Ok so does anyone care about my New Year's resolutions/plans???

I have an ongoing one that involves improving on my social skills. I think it is working, as I seem to be meeting more and more people. In nutshell, all I am doing is being a little more friendly, as I have been told that I can come across as aloof. Really, I think it is just residuals from being extremely shy when I was a kid. But hey, who couldn't use more people in their life? ;)

Getting back in shape, yawn....I know, this is like a default resolution/plan, but it's there!

Move into a bigger house! We just really need one more bedroom, so wish us luck!

Continue with my liberal use of exclamation points....

More quality time with the kids. Meaning where I actually sit on the floor and play, ignoring the phone, laundry, dishes, etc.

Change my blog background for some variety.

I think this is good for now, I may tweak some here and there. Happy New Year to you all, and thank you for reading!

This is a true story! Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T11:09:00.000-08:00

So, since this story is all about Christmas, it was imperative that I leave my hubs to put toys together with the kids so I could post. Some background:

A few weeks ago my sister, who is a Special Ed. teacher for children with severe disabilities, posted a request on her Facebook page. She asked if anyone out there had a xbox that they were willing to donate to one of her students for Christmas. This student was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He was adopted by a loving and generous family that has also adopted several other children with disabilities. They have eight or nine kids living in the household.

All this student wanted was an xbox and nothing else for Christmas. As of late, the father has come down with an illness that has affected his central nervous system, rendering him unable to work. The family fell on hard times and they are struggling to make ends meet on the mother's salary alone. This family does not even have a car to take the family anywhere.

My sister never got a response with a donation, so she felt like she at least tried to help them get an xbox. Coincidently, on Christmas eve morning, after swearing I would stay off of Facebook for the day, I logged in. One of the first status updates I read from a friend was, "Does anyone know where I can donate an xbox? It has a few games., (etc.)". I could not believe what I was reading! I immediately responded and asked if this friend was willing to donate it to my sister's student and his family. He, of course, said he would be able to drop it off that afternoon...

My sister went to drop it off at the students house, and the father of the student said his son had been praying for an xbox for Christmas! Lo and behold my sister shows up with one at their house! Is this an awesome story or what??? The father then wrote a very touching letter thanking my friend for his xbox. This friend in turn was touched and happy to be a part of making someone's Christmas special. Gosh I am tearing up again! This is like the third time now, jeez. ...Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to my readers and followers!

Happy 1st Birthday to my blog!

2009-12-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

Well, technically, it was three days ago, but whatev. Time sure flies when you are in the blogosphere!

A year ago I had no idea where my dashboard was, or who in the Hell Mr. Linky was. I didn't know about linking to other blogs or what hosting a carnival meant (not that I ever do any of that fancy stuff). I also learned some etiquette rules and most important, that all bloggers LOVE comments! The more the better!

I have "met" some awesome people on here even though we've never actually spoke or seen each other in person. I have been moved to tears by some of your posts and have laughed until my stomach hurt at others! Such a wide variety to read out there.

I know I don't post as much as I used to but thank you all for reading and of course, for leaving your comments, they make my day, awww... Also, you may have noticed my generous use of the exclamation point. I love to use it, and feel it gives my readers a reference point to what it must be like to talk to me in person, ha ha!

So, what has been going on with me lately, you ask? Let's see....still in the throes of my midlife crisis, all I need is to have an affair with my secretary and buy a Corvette and I will be all set!

At work, there is always the drama that keeps me in business, but budget wise, things are grim.
Example:
Me to secretary: "Where is the tape? I ran out and don't see any on the supply shelf."
Secretary: "There isn't any more because we have no money to buy any and you can't borrow any of mine!"
Me: "We don't have money for tape? What am I supposed to do now???"
Secretary: "Use tacks."
Me: "Oh."
And so on, I wish John Stossell from 20/20 would show up at our school and then comment on the sad state of affairs around there. He would be mortified at our lack of tape, I'm sure.

Besides all that we are busy with basketball, gymastics, and just life in general. Thank you again to my followers, I love you guys! Oh, and especially to one of my "anonymous" followers whose only comments are things like, "Viagra viagra viagra" and such.
Peace out to all my sisters from another Mister!

What is my problem???

2009-11-29T21:18:00.000-08:00

For whatever reason, I have not posted in a while and am not sure why. I have had lots going on, like everyone else, but it hasn't occured to me to post until I am in bed trying to remember everything that I need to do the next day. I will catch you up on some highlights and lowlights from the past few weeks.

My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this month. They could not agree on how to spend it, so they are still planning. They are a happy, traditional couple, and they often crack me up with their discussions of things. My brother is creating/filming a documentary on them, very cool.

We had a great Thanksgiving. My parents hosted 35+ people and the food was sooo good and the company was hilarious! I think the best part was hearing my cousin describe the Halloween party they went to where she dressed up as....her husband! She had his little quirks and mannerisms down pat. Ahhh, that was good stuff!

Sad note, my mom's sister passed away suddenly, she was 53 years old. She had always had health problems so we are at peace knowing that she is no longer suffering. Her funeral brought family that had not been seen in years and years, the one good thing about a funeral I guess. My mom saw some cousins she had not seen since 1965, wow.

We are thinking about moving into a bigger house, but many things need to be in order before that can happen. Also, the last time we moved, I swore I would never move again, and that was before we had kids!!!! Can you imagine?

I find that I am wanting many things for Christmas, but when I mention them to my hubs he reminds me that we are talking about moving. Boo! What a buzzkill he is! Shees... I need to find a Christmas sugar daddy, or mommy, I am not picky, ha ha. KIDDING, unless you are interested, then I am totally serious. :)

Last but not least, I leave you with this: Dear 3 year old son is in the showering looking down at his chest.

son: Mom! Look! I have boobs! (pointing at his nipples)
me: Well, those are not really boobs, those are your nipples.
son: My nipples?
Me: Yeah, every body has them.
son: Why do I have nipples?
Me: Hmmm, yes why indeed...

Anyone reading know the answer to this? I really can't figure it out!

Road trip to Reno! It's like Las Vegas...only not.

2009-11-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

Some housekeeping before I begin. Is there a website for "blog post ideas" when you feel like you just don't have anything blogworthy to post about or are drawing a blank?
A few times I would go to post since it had been a few and just thought, "I got nothing." And when I say that (yes, I started a sentence with "And") I mean I really have a lot of great juicy material but just can't post it due to the need to protect my sources, oh well...

Ok, so I went to Reno this weekend to celebrate a friend's 40th Birthday. For those of you who have never been to downtown Reno, Nevada, let me describe it. There are a bunch of casinos ranging from fairly new to fairly old, gentlemen's clubs, and pawnshops. That is about it, really. At least that is all I could see in my immediate surroundings. We went to a few of the more popular casino's and besides the smokey ambience, I think I saw more Larks (a personal scooter thingy, often seen being driven by senior citizens) in one night than I had in the whole year previous.
Before I go on I want to say that I have nothing against the local scene, since I don't know anything about it, so please don't send me any comments telling me how great Reno is if you are from there, I'm sure there is a lot I don't know about, yadda yadda, but I digress!

We started out at this all-you-can eat sushi restaurant where I think I must have eaten a whole side of tuna to myself! It was gluttony, ugh, I was uncomfortable the rest of the night. That's what I get for eating like that, I guess. We move on to the Blackjack tables. I love 21 and I did all right for a while, but nothing to quit my day job over. I then went to the roulette table where I did very well, I couldn't lose! If you have ever played you know how addicting this game is when your number hits. I left the table before I started losing money (and also, it was too hard to reach over the two old ladies next to me, being that I was still stuffed from dinner).

Finally, one of my friends and I decide we are sick of the cheap, watered down wine we have been getting at the tables and go straight to the bar and start playing video poker so we could enjoy a decent glass of wine. Ahhh, that was nice! I also won ten bucks doing that and met some uh, interesting folks. At about one-ish in the morning (still early in the evening in Reno time) I figured I had about twenty minutes before I would collapse on the spot from exhaustion (ok, and some drinking) so I trek back to my room.

As per my midlife crisis, I was dressed in some tight jeans and black leather boots, pretty hot, eh? Until I had to take the boots off, holy moly, what a chore! I tried just bending forward to unzip them but found this position was for some reason hard to stand still in, so I fell backwards on to the bed to try it that way. Let's just say at this point I knew it would be mere seconds before I passed out, I mean, fell asleep, so I had to move quickly. The ONLY thing that kept me awake at that point was knowing that my hubs would eventually return to the room and would have loved to take a pic of me passed out on the bed in my boots! He would've tortured me with that for weeks, he is just that in love with me! Anyways! I finally got them off and slept for about nine hours. This is more sleep that I have gotten in months, so it was a nice.

Well, that was my weekend, it was fun! Thanks for reading about my exciting life. Now I just need a couple weeks to recover...

Ghetto not -so -fabulous outgoing messages

2009-11-03T22:24:00.000-08:00

I would like to thank my friend, Angela, a fellow staff member at my school for this post idea. She and I were talking about how as part of our job, we must make several phone calls to the parents of our students. Over the years we have laughed, gasped, or just said, "WTF?" about some of the outgoing messages we have heard. From memory, I will post the ones that stand out the most. To set the scene: Picture me needing to contact a parent for reasons such as behavior concerns, setting up a meeting, or some other question. Here is some of what we hear when we dial some of these phone numbers:

Dialing...then:

A rap song full of obscenities played in it's ENTIRETY until after about three minutes I hear the beep to leave a message but by that time I have forgotten who I was calling.

This one I am quoting verbatim: "Hey all you haters and all you f----n' b-----s if you are calling to start s--- with me then don't even leave me a message. The rest of you please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible."

Or, "If I don't answer the phone that just means I don't wanna talk to you right now. Or maybe I am at the club, hayyyy!"

Or, "Leave me a message, and I will holla back at you when I feel like it!"

Sometimes it is a soulful LONG rendition of a song by Beyonce, who I like, btw. But when I have been trying to get a hold of you all day, by the third time, I really am done with the song.

And so on! I often wonder, what if the electric company calls with a question about their bill?
What if their doctor's office wants to confirm an appointment, or give them test results? Or, God forbid if someone was calling to schedule a job interview/offer? Whatever happened to just common phone courtesy? My own outgoing message is downright boring compared to these!

Just another observation I wanted to share with you all on my day to day life at work. :)

Gangsters and Fashion Designers co-existing!

2009-10-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Once a few years ago I was driving a student home from school, he was suspended and didn't have a ride home. The school was Title 1 and almost 100% of the student body was on free or reduced lunch. Basically a school that had a very high concentration of poverty.
The interesting thing about this neighborhood was that it was surrounded by some of our town's fanciest, priciest restaurants, upper end shops, and gourmet grocery stores. So, as we are driving we pass the backside of one of the fancy shopping centers. There is some graffiti spray painted on one of the brick walls. It was not very noticeable and I am sure I took it in as part of the background not really giving it any thought. The student I had in the car points at it and says,
"You see that? With those letters crossed out? That is why that guy was killed at those apartments last week."
He then went on to explain that a local gang had tagged a "threat" to a rival gang and when a tag is "crossed out" it means someone in that gang is going to get killed. Btw, the boy explaining this to me was only ten years old!
This got me thinking. There is like a strata in society, and I don't mean lower, middle and upper class. I feel like we are all occupying the same space, but in layers, strata, that are parallel to each other, rarely intersecting, except by accident or maybe force. I realized that on those same streets where all the nice BMW's and Mercedes are cruising there is also gang warfare, drugs, and crime operating on those exact streets! Just in a different layer, so to speak.
I wondered what else I was missing about everything that happened around there on a day to day basis. People who don't drive, or who use public transportation also experience that neighborhood in a totally different way than even I did.
Had this student not pointed this out to me, I would have never thought twice about it. Now when I drive around any neighborhood, I often look for clues about other "layers" that co-exist with me. I feel like a sociological detective around here.

"Any change, whether positive or negative, creates stress."

2009-10-27T10:19:00.000-07:00

This is a (indirect) quote from one the kazillion books I read while I was in college getting my degree in Psychology. I am sorry, but I don't remember the author.
So, after 12 YEARS my hubs has finally had his work schedule change from swing shift to day shift! This is huge news since we have two young children, one in preschool and the other in first grade. I was basically a single parent all week and it was starting to take it's toll. Night after night after the kids would go to bed I would call my hubs at work and it would go something like this:

Him: Hello?
Me: Oh my God...(sighing loud to emphasize point)
Him: What happened?
Me: The kids almost pushed me over the edge/wore me out/drove me insane/ tonight!
Him: Why? What were they doing?

And so on! His questions were not that easy to answer. After all, they were just being kids, it's hard to explain what they were actually doing, ya know? These past few years I have a whole new respect for what single parents must go through every single day for the most part. It can be hard to juggle the needs of two kids from the moment I get home from work until they go to sleep, and that is on a good day! I realize that I am not the most organized person, this just adds to that stress, ugh.
BUT now the hubs is going to be home! I can go out during the week, even after dark! We can have dinner as a family, we can do more things together without having to wait for the weekend, I am so looking forward to all of that. The flip side? He is going to be home more than I have been used to for the last 12 years. Football will be on the TV on Mondays, and him being around means more of a chance for us to disagree about something, but I am done doing it solo, so hopefully it will all be good. I will keep you posted on how our adjustment is going!

The birds and the bees

2009-10-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, so as you may or may not have noticed, my daughter has been asking me lot's of questions about body parts, where babies come from, etc. I wanted to give you an example of how this dialogue goes.
Dear 6 y.o. Daughter is laying in bed and I am laying next to her, we are talking about random things. Then:

Dear Daughter: Mom, what is a boy's peepee called again?
Me: It's called a penis.
Daughter: A peanut?
Me: No, not -nut, -nis!
Daughter: What? A nutnis?
Me: No, not a nutnis! Then I just started laughing.

I wonder what word she will come up with next? Maybe I will use that to talk in code...i.e. Yeah, my boss is being a real nutnis today!

Things heard around the house...

2009-10-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty much like any other Saturday and Sunday. A bunch of plans crammed into two days! I am going to share some excerpts of of things I heard around here this weekend so you can see how my life is so full of intellectual stimulation!

Dear 6 y.o.Daughter to no one in particular: Brother has a big fat head!
Dear 3 y.o. Son: No! I don't! I don't have a big fat head!
Daughter: (whispering) Yes you do.
Son: (shouting) I DON'T HAVE A BIG FAT HEAD!!!

Ugh, so then I started to get a big, fat headache.

Dear Daughter to me: Mom, you are a fabulous weirdo! (giggles)
Me: (Trying to take a quiz on Facebook) Mmmhmm, that's nice honey.

At night I am lying next to Dear Son trying to get him to sleep. He keeps finding excuses to talk.
Son: Mom! Mom! I want to say something!
Me: Go to sleep.
Son: But please, please I want to say something to you!
Me: Okay! What do you want to say?
Son: (shouting) "You're my boy, Blue!!!" (we both laugh)

At dinner tonight. We are all sitting around the kitchen table. We are all just eating and talking, it's pretty uneventful.
Dear Son to my hubs: Daddy, are you freaking out?
Hubs: Huh? No I am not freaking out.
Son: Oh, Ok, I was seeing if you were freaking out.

He just goes back to eating like it was a totally normal thing to ask.

Earlier today Dear Son is almost bursting with anticipation when he come to get me out of the laundry room.
Son: Mom! Come here, come over here and sit down and rest.
Me: OK, I will sit down and rest. Where do you want me to sit?
Son: (the anticipation is killing him at this point!) Right here! Right here on this chair!
I sit on a strategically placed Whoopie cushion. A loud, flatulent sound emits.

He laughs so hard he can barely breathe! A well spent one dollar, I must say :)

And there you have just a small sliver of what it is like over here on a daily basis. If you have young children you know exactly what I am talking about, and if you don't have any I am sure you can't wait to have these kinds of cerebral discussion in your household!

Blast from the deprived '70's past

2009-10-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

So today I was talking with my neighbor about the toys we used to have back in the '7o's. It was one of those kidsthesedaysdon'tknowhowgoodtheyhaveit...conversations.

I thought I would share with you one of the toys I brought up, the Lite Brite! Did we get in new in the box? No way! Not when there was a perfectly good one (with God knows how many of the color pegs missing) available at a garage sale for a fraction of the price! Who cares if the light bulb was missing? You could always find one in the house somewhere.

And the picture templates all used up? No worries, we just tore the pages out of our coloring books and Voila! A new template to plug into!

Oh and don't forget we were not wasteful back in the day, so we had to keep the lightbulb OFF while we were creating our latest design until we were FINISHED with putting all the color pegs into the Lite Brite! Wasting electricity, even if from one light, was forbidden.

So, I want to hear from you, what toys do you remember the most? Which ones were always breaking, or didn't quite work right, or which do you have the most fond memory of?

I need everyone's opinion on this!

2009-09-28T10:06:00.000-07:00

About ten years ago a small incident happened that I still wonder about. I will put the situation out there for you, please weigh in on what you think! Here it is:
Scene: Having some friends over to hang out in the backyard on a Sunday afternoon. Friend A is there with her hubs, Friend B is there with her hubs and two young children.
Friend A goes in the house to make an appetizer for us. She decides to use my new crystal serving dish and bowl to bring out said appetizer to the backyard. Here is what happened next. Picture this in slow motion for maximum effect. Friend A starts to walk out of the house into the backyard with the dish when Friend B's daughter runs into her. The dish and bowl and the food all go flying in the air, and my dish and bowl shatter into a million pieces....everyone scrambles to clean up the mess.

My question: Do you think either Friend A or Friend B should have offered to replace my crystal? It was kind of expensive, but I don't remember how much. If either one of them had offered, I would have been happy with that, but neither one of them said anything about it. Should I just have chalked it up as a party foul? Should I have chastized my friend for using my "fancy" dishes, when really she was just trying to make things nice? Should I have said to Friend B that she needs to control her kids better? (ha ha ha! I am just kidding, I have kids). I would love to hear all of your opinions on this riveting social dilemma! Also if either Friend A or Friend B is reading this, please give me your opinion as well. OK, waiting to hear from you now....

Budget cuts, smudget butts

2009-09-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

First, I want to say that unfortunately, this is not a Freak Magnet Friday post. Ugh! So today I find out that our district is planning to lay-off all but FOUR counselors in the whole district next year. I am pretty sure that includes me in the layoffs. I have been at my school for five years now and I LOVE it! This is so depressing. The budget is so bad that it doesn't look good outside of the district either. Sigh... On the plus side? Let's see...

I still have a pulse.
I still have full use of all my limbs.
My house has not caught fire.
There have been no hurricanes or flooding to destroy the town I live in.
I can still tolerate lactose.
I am still hot for being almost forty (hee hee).
I am not allergic to red wine (Thank you, God!)

I don't want to count any more blessings in case I have inadvertently jinxed myself by mentioning all of the above. The next time I post it will hopefully include some good news!

Freak Magnet Friday!

2009-09-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today's story has had some logistics changed as it is a work-related story. Ok, so I used to work at this elementary school, and at this school we have custodians! No surprise there, but one of them is a bit strange, freakish, if you will. He is the kind of person who mumbles underneath his breath to no one in particular. When you walk by him he purposefully looks away even though you are face to face, making too awkward to say hello or anything. Of course, he has chosen ME (and probably others) to exhibit his weirdness. Here are some excerpts from some of our painful but short interactions on campus:

Example a).

Me: Hi, I locked my keys in my office, could you open my door?

Him: Oh, so now you talk to me...when you need something.

Me: What do you mean? You never say anything to me either.

Him: The woman is supposed to be the one to start contact with the man.

Me: huh? (awkward smile/silence)

Example b).

Him: You know Happy Hour starts at four o'clock.

Me: Okayyyy....

Him: (next day) I went to your office, you said you were taking me to Happy Hour but you didn't. I see how you are.

Me: I never said I was taking you to Happy Hour! Happy Hour where?

him: Yes, you did. Remember when I told you about Happy hour yesterday? That's when.

Me: (thinking) "Estas loco!"

Example c).

Him: What do you do in your office all day, sleep? Everyday I wonder what you do in there. I really, really wonder, do you just come in, collect your paycheck and leave? I should have gone to college so I can get a job where I can go in and sleep the whole time. One day I am going to find out what you're doing in there, just wait.

Me: (thinking) Should I get mad or just feel sorry for him? Get a restraining order?

Last example: One time one of our new, very young teachers called him on his walkie and asked him to help her hang something up on her wall. He LITERALLY tripped over things running to get to her classroom, like she said she was on fire or something! This was hilarious! Aaah, puppy love...

And so on! You might read this and think he is just trying to joke around, banter with me, right? I would think so too, but he is not smiling or laughing when he says these things to me, it is very weird. He also told me that the entire staff at one point or another has bought him lunch and that I haven't bought him lunch yet, so....ugh!!!

Who knows what his story is? I know that when I do lock myself out of my office from time to time, that I am going to have a painful weird conversation to go along with it!

Thanks for reading! Happy Friday!

How this year is going so far...

2009-09-13T15:28:00.001-07:00

First, again, I am sorry I haven't posted more! It's not like I don't have anything to say that's for sure. Here is an update about how things are going with the kids, me, the hubs, etc.

Dear 3 yo son: He has stopped crying when I drop him him off at preschool! He says he likes it, at one point he was getting rewarded to stop crying, shees. He is currently obsessed with finding (and collecting) rolly-pollies ( I think their real name is sow bug). He still loves to be totally naked and uses any excuse to strip off his clothes. ie. "I am really mad at you so I take off my clothes!" etc. He is still my little mama's boy, though.

Dear 6 yo daughter: She loves her first grade teacher! Everyday I hear something that he did that she just thought was the neatest thing. I am still getting used to what I consider an INSANE amount of homework for a six year old, it takes her well over an hour everyday. We have also hit a record in our house for how many birthday parties we can attend in one month! It is just crazy and hard to keep up with. What's with all these people being born?? :) She currently loves to pretend to be pregnant while carrying a bunch of baby dolls with her. She will go to the "hospital" and have a baby like every ten minutes. If only it was that quick and easy! She is also in gymnastics once a week and I am pretty impressed with what she has learned to far. The gym is owned by some Russians and they don't mess around, which is good for her.

I am back at work and busy as ever! I got a new intern, so hopefully he turns out to be helpful, unlike a few others I have had in the past. Including one who called in sick once "in case" she was going to get sick later, as a flu had been going around. WTF? The student population is the same, lots of trauma and drama. Some of the kids tell me things that still leave me speechless as to what they have been exposed to, it can be so sad. The good news here is that my Principal told my new intern that I was the best school counselor he has ever worked with!!! I was so happy to hear him say that since I really put my heart and soul into the job! I have a crazy drop off and pick up schedule with all the kids, but it somehow manages to work out, thank God. I still try to have GNO's (Girl's Night Out) as much as possible, but sometimes I am just too tired!

The hubs: After working the swing shift and me not seeing him all week for twelve years, he will be going to the day shift in October! I hope this doesn't end our marriage!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, was that too many ha's? I do worry about how we will adjust but hopefully we will be able to accomplish more during the week now. I am also hoping it cuts down on the amount of naps he takes, he is like Rip Van Winkle with all the sleeping! Most important, he is not able to help me do anything if he is asleep! I of course, and just worried about how I will be impacted by all this, after all, it's my world and he just lives in it! :) I'm kidding, kind of...anyways! That is us in a nutshell and I am really going to make an effort to post more so thanks for continuing to read my blog!

Strange things that happen to people, a dialogue

2009-09-03T22:05:00.001-07:00

So in my job I work with all walks of life. I have come to realize that some people seem to have chronic bad luck, chronic crisis, and a host of other situations. There are many times at work where I just think, "Oh, the humanity!" I had such a strange conversation with someone on the phone while at work, it was so random, that I thought I would try to recreate the phone call for you. By they way, I have no idea why this info was shared with me. Here goes:

Me: Hello?
Her: Hi, Mrs. Counselor, it's *Yolanda.
Me: Hi Yolanda, what's going on?
Her: Oh nothing, just calling to check in.
Me: Oh, anything on your mind?
Her: Did you know that I fell off the city bus three times?
Me: You did?
Her: Yeah, the first time, I was getting off the bus and I tripped and fell and the bus almost ran over my foot.
Me: Oh no!
Her: The second time, I was getting off the bus and the driver closed the door on my foot and started to drive away, everyone on the bus was yelling at the driver to stop.
Me: Wow, that is unbelievable.
Her: Yeah, and the third time I fell off the bus I was pregnant and had the infant carrier with me because I had my baby with me. I tripped, fell into a tree and my groceries went flying everywhere, but we were all ok.
Me: I am so glad you were all ok and no one got hurt! What is going on? Why do you think you keep falling off the bus?
Her: I don't know, it's just me I guess....

She really did not give me any reason for telling me about this, I just think some people have this kind of energy where things like this happen!
So the next time you are having a bad day, remember that someone, somewhere, is probably having a worse day, so count your blessings when you can! Happy Friday!
Thanks for reading!

Freak Magnet Friday!

2009-08-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

Hi, just a notice that I posted this as one of my notes a while back on Facebook, so if we are friends on there, sorry, but you may have heard this before...the rest of you, enjoy!

So today I go into Walgreen's to pick up an Rx and I have to wait in line, sigh...this Walgreen's is in a sketchy part of town so there is always an interesting mix of people in there. There is this man in line who is probably in his '50's, he has on spandex shorts and a bike shirt. He has a road bike with him and he keeps fiddling with the pedals, the tires, etc. Then he looks up and starts STARING at me, of course! "Oh no, here we go..." I thought to myself. He looks at me and says, "Are you Portuguese?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Are you Mexican?"
Me: "Uh, yeah."
Him: "Yes! I knew it! I knew it when I saw you!"
Me: (awkward, polite smile)
Him: "Do you have a bike?"
Me: "No." (I really do have one, but didn't want to divulge)
Him: (Asking me something in Portuguese)
Me: "I don't understand."
Pharmacy tech: "Next!"
Saved by the Tech!
I get my stuff and leave and he shouts to me: "You should get a bike!"
These are the things that happen to me on an all too regular basis! It's fun to be me!

"I'm not getting on Facebook, or Bluebook, or whatever you call it!"

2009-08-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is a direct quote... from my mom, or grandmother, you might ask? No, it is from one of my dearest friends! She refuses to get on Facebook because she "doesn't have time". Yeah, I used to say that too! I have been begging her and a few other of my close friends to join this social phenomena but some just flat out refuse, waaahh. You know who you are :)
What is so interesting to me about Facebook is the fact that my cousins, my neighbors, my old teammates, old co-workers, ex-boyfriends, and new friends are like all in one location. This is very surreal to me and I still have moments where my brain just can't wrap itself around the FB world. I can see a message from both my cousin in Texas and a guy I used to date in the same inbox. It's like everyone I know from years past until today, all in one big room together!
I also noticed that the majority of my Friends on there are the people I grew up with. Apparently, even though we all go our separate ways, we have all (well, not all) come full circle and reconnected. I love, love, love that! I love that I know what people I care about are up to and what is new with them.
What I don't like, is the repetitive status updates, or now called, "What's on your mind?" Such as:
"Billy Joe is dragging on Monday..."
"Sally Sue is wondering why is it only Wednesday??? Two more days!!!"
"Jed Smith is going to the gym."
"Nancy Jones has a headache."
"John John just ate an apple."

And the most over posted status? "TGIF!" I know you like Fridays, most people do.

So, other than that, and irrelevant quiz results or bizarre analogies (I.e. "Which antibiotic are you?" Your result: Penicillin!!!"

So this is a plea to my friends who refuse the book, to please join so that we can complain and laugh together!

Freak Magnet Friday!

2009-08-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

This story takes place around 1995, I was in my last semester of college and I needed a job. I saw an ad for an "Office Assistant" that paid pretty well, it was in my neighborhood, and it was part-time, perfect! I called and had a phone interview with a man who owned his own business that he ran from home and just needed help getting organized. I talked to him for a while and he said although I sounded like an "intelligent young lady" he wanted someone with more office experience. After we hung up, I said to my boyfriend (now hubs) "Watch, he will call me back and offer me the job." Sure enough, the next day the job was mine.

So I start working for him and he was right, his office was a mess! Boxes of invoices were everywhere, bills, bank statements, etc. I am eager to help him clean this all up.
After a few weeks, I realize why he was so unorganized. I would get to his house and all he would do is talk! He would talk about everything! His health, his family, wondered why he was still single, etc. I would get bored and say something like, "Which box should we get started with?" Or something along those lines. He would just wave them off like he had better things to do.
So I soon realized that he was paying me to be there to listen to him talk! He would talk for the entire four hours I was there! Well, this is a freak magnet story, so here is where it takes a turn..

One day I was there and in the middle of my trying to do some work he says, "Hey, it's lunch time, I have food I will just make us something." I thought this was nice so I said OK. He takes off to his kitchen and I hear him whipping up all kinds of stuff, chopping food, singing to himself.
I wondered what the hell was taking him so long to pull out the bread and lunch meat?
He comes into the office and says, "It is really nice outside, lets eat out on the patio."
I go out to the patio and he has it set up like a romantic restaurant! There is flowers on a vase, he pours me a glass of wine, and he serves up a very fancy delicious meal, I must say. So we are sitting there eating lunch, but I feel like I'm on a date with this older dude. It was so weird. He acted like he did this everyday or something!
As time went on I noticed that he started asking me a lot more personal questions, and was always complimenting me, etc. I saw where this was going! He then asks me to meet him at a restaurant downtown. I thought, "Am I getting paid for this?" I wasn't sure why we had to meet there. I sit down and he is acting very nervous. My freak vibes are in full force. Ugh...I saw what was coming. Here is a part of the extremely awkward and uncomfortable dialogue that followed:

Him: Well, you know I wanted to talk to you about something.
Me: Yeah?
Him: Do you know what it is?
Me: Uh, no...
Him: It has come to my attention that I have become rather fond of your company.
Me: (Why is there no hole opening up for me to fall into???)
Him: Do you know where I am going with this?
Me: Yeah... (help, wish cell phones were around more at this time!)
Him: Well I am offering you a relationship with me, I think we would make a great couple.
Me: (Never feeling more uncomfortable IN MY LIFE) Well, I have a boyfriend, sooo....

I wanted to add, You are twenty years older than me, you have told me so much about yourself that there is no way I would ever get involved with all those issues, you are shorter than I am (not that there is anything wrong with that...), you have this quirk of running your hand through your hair and then smelling your fingers, ewww. Anyways, needless to say we never spoke again.

Follow up: I found out recently that he did find someone to marry and have children with. His family is well known in the community, they carry some weight, but I really can't say more! Oh well, thanks for reading! Happy Friday!

Adjustment period

2009-08-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

My dear son is still having a hard time getting used to being at Pre-school! Everyday he says to me, "I don't have to go to school ebber again, right?" Sigh... This morning as soon as I said let's go, he put his head down and looked so sad. We get to the school and he just has these tears going down his face, he doesn't cling to me or scream or anything, it's so heartbreaking! I know he isn't the first kid to cry at school, I can't wait until he actually enjoys going! It is a good thing I have to go straight to work because I get busy and then I don't have time to worry as much. So that's that...
My dear daughter just turned six and she starts first grade this Wednesday, I figured out that once this happens the four of us (dear hubs included) will be at four different schools everday, crazy!
Is this the boring post ever? Just wondering....
On a different note, I have a story for Freak Magnet Friday! Stay tuned!

And we're baaack!

2009-08-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

When I first started this blog, I thought I would have endless material to post about! After all, my life is a plethora of entertainment! While technically anything could be material, I like to wait until I have something cool to post about, or something annoying to complain about.

Since yesterday was our first day of school and we are starting to get back into our routines, I think I should have time to post more....plus being at work gives me lots of material, too!

Next week my dear daughter will begin first grade! How did this happen? Who took my baby and replaced her with a first grader? My dear son, who is three, began preschool for the first time, with mostly good results. He still cries each time, but it seems to be short lived. Here is an excerpt from a conversation yesterday in the car:

Me: Dear son, what is your favorite thing to do at Pre-school?

Dear daughter: (interrupting) I know! Cry???? (sarcastic tone)

Me: (Glaring at dear daughter, but secretly impressed by her well placed use of sarcasm) Don't say that to your brother, let him tell me.

Dear son: Crying is NOT my favorite thing!! I like the Legos....

So you see, everything is going to be fine! I promise to post more regularly! Don't stop reading, and most importantly, don't stop commenting!

A post of my day, not pretty

2009-08-04T00:35:00.001-07:00

So, I went to bed at 1:OO am this morning, woke up at 6:30am because I knew my dear 3yo son would be starting preschool for the first time..
He was not happy about getting up, but I managed to get him to school and distracted enough to stay there...
I then got ready to go to work for the first time in two months, ugh! How did this sneak up on me so quickly?
I prepared a training for the staff with a colleague who felt the same...
I picked up dear 5 year old daughter from a friends house..
Ran countless errands..
I am back on the ride again!!!
I think I need to go work out and then a millionth trip to Target tomorrow, good times! Maybe I will try to fit in swim time at Parks and Rec?
It is not even September! I remember being lazy and doing whatever I wanted until THE DAY AFTER LABOR DAY! Does anyone else remember that? This is life in the new millenium I guess!

Where are your manners?? A PSA

2009-07-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

We have now reached a new stage in our family. The one where both kids are either too big, or just flat our refuse to sit in a shopping cart. This is usually OK, but I realized that there are a lot of social graces and etiquette rules that have to be taught whilst out in public. Some basics that are necessary, yet elude my kids. I am working on it, people! Yeah, you who glared at me at Trader Joe's yesterday, hope you are reading this. Anyways, this is what I actually thought was ingrained into every human, but I forgot what it was like to be three years old.

One, when reaching near someone or having to get close to someone else for whatever reason, you should always say, "Excuse me." This is also true if you find the need to walk in front of someone or you find yourself directly in their path. Making a face to match what you're saying can be helpful, too.

You should NEVER EVER point out other people's characteristics that you have noticed. i.e. Never ever say, "Mom, wook at his stomach mom, it is really, really big!" and such. This causes extreme mortification to anyone in your party who hears this. Especially if third party observers over hear this and start laughing. You should exit the premises immediately if you find yourself in this situation.

When speaking out in public, please do not shout about what you are doing, what you found on the shelf in aisle four, or shout a discussion about what foods you find "Yucky" as you stroll past them. Please only speak at a volume that does not cause everyone else to stop what they are doing to look at you.

Most important rule: Do not sneak items into the grocery cart of the person you came with. It is considered in poor taste, rude, and sneaky.

Do help the person who brought you by politely smiling at others, getting things that you are asked to grab, and telling your mom how beautiful she is helps, too. Ha ha, OK, seriously...

Ok, if I left anything out, please let me know!

Parks & Rec,....you get what you pay for!

2009-07-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is the third summer I have signed up the kids for some kind of swim class. It is dirt cheap to sign up for two weeks worth of lessons, so I can never resist. However, with "dirt cheapness" comes other things as well. Here are some I have noticed over the last three summers.

The "teachers" are all certified life guards who look like they range in age from 15-17. I could be wrong on that number, but it's my guess. The one thing they all seem to have in common is that they act like they would rather be ANYWHERE else than at the pool, teaching kids how to swim.

Their enthusiasm level ranges from mild interest, i.e "good job, whose next?" To complete checking out during class, i.e. staring off in space while the kids all splash around waiting.

These people are young men and women in bathing suits and apparently this can be EXTREMELY distracting for them. For example, one day I was watching a lesson when a male and female teacher got so caught up in their flirting, splashing each other, etc. that one of the kids goes, "um, what are we supposed to do now?" They just looked at each other.

On the flip side, our Parks and Rec is brand new and closer to our house than before. There is also a new facility with all new state of the art equipment, so that's cool. Looks like we will be signed up next summer as well!

I'm back from Sea-Tac! At the corner of Starbucks & Starbucks...

2009-07-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

That's local speak for the Seattle and Tacoma area of Washington. It's also the call letters for the airport when you make reservations, FYI. So, I don't know if you guys remember that my Principal asked me about going to Seattle for a conference a few months ago and I nearly peed my pants with excitement! Ok, that is not the real reason I almost peed my pants, but I digress...
Here are some notes and observations about my trip:

The conference was made up of about twenty-seven women, and exactly three men. Dang it! That really put a damper on the chance of hooking up with a hottie while I was out of town. I jest!

The training I went to was long, and really, the material could have been covered in about four hours, but why do that when you can drag it out over two WHOLE days???? Plus, everyone in there was a weirdo or annoying, except for my colleague and I, of course!

Seattle was cloudy and a little cold but it is a cool city that reminded me of San Francisco, only a lot cleaner. Also, on every lamp post there are two baskets of beautiful, blooming flowers, yes! That is why Seattle has a sales tax of only 9.5%! I only smelled old pee about two times while walking around downtown, and only three people asked me for spare change.

Oh, and how do you know you are in Seattle? There is a Starbucks every three feet, literally!
No matter where you are downtown, and I really mean it could be any street...you look around and I guarantee you will see at least two Starbucks! Or Seattle's Best, which, I heard, is owned by Starbucks. I thought there was an economic crisis in the nation? If I get laid off next year, I think "Barista" is going to be my next career of choice.

Everyone there seemed super friendly and kind of mellow, that made my visit nice, especially since I was the ONLY person to go up the Space Needle who: a) Spoke English and
b). Did not have three out of control kids with me.
Any feelings I had about missing my own kids dissipated as I watched frustrated parents trying to control their cranky kids in languages I could only guess.

My last observation... during happy hour all over downtown, a bottle of wine is HALF PRICE! That pretty much makes it the same price as the grocery store, or BevMo! My colleague and I could not believe this great fortune that had been bestowed upon us. Thank goodness said colleague/ travel/conference partner is also a fan of the fermented grape!

Recommendations:
If you are there, you must visit the restaurant called, "Purple". Great wine, there are tastings of any wine you want to try, and the food was sooooo good. Ok, that's all for now! Back to normal life. Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Freak Magnet Friday! Take this job....

2009-07-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

Hi! Ok, Thanks to Sara at Domestically Disabled, I have a story for Freak Magnet Friday! Since 1987 until present, I have had about a million jobs with about a million freakshow managers or bosses to go with each of them. They weren't all crazy/weird/pervy, but enough were! Here are a few that stand out:

"Chuckie" at one of the factory outlet stores, we sold men's clothes. Chuckie thought it was funny to put any long, tubular shaped, object in front of his pelvis and then laugh as you looked at him like you were going to throw up. He continued to do this until he got fired.

"Minerva" from another factory outlet store where we sold costume jewelry. She was an older, crotchety, lady who smoked like a chimney and would talk about EVERYBODY behind their backs. Our other bosses, customers, anyone who walked through the door was fair game. She would curse like a sailor and she had a southern accent and would use all those southern expressions to describe situations. i.e. "I was madder than a wet hen on Tuesday!"

"Kate" was my boss at a warehouse distribution place. She was in her forties and she flirted shamelessly with all the sales reps who came in. It was downright embarrasing! This is not what make her weird, though. Once I came to work, as I did everyday, and when I walked into my office I saw that my office chair was gone. Now, this was a small office space and she was the only one who stayed later than we did. I asked her what happened to my chair and this is what she told me. "Well before I left yesterday I heard some noises in the attic, so I think someone came down from there and took your chair." I kid you not, people. She said it with a straight face, too.

"Kevin" at same warehouse. This man was working on obtaining his third retirement but should have stayed home with the second. He NEVER got my name right and I got to the point where I would ignore him when he called me, he did not get this hint. He would leave to go golfing in the middle of the day and then had the audacity to tell us all about how his game went, about his golf clubs, etc. We were beyond resentful at his audacity! The best part about him was walking into his office to ask him something and he would be sound asleep, mouth agape, sitting straight up and facing his computer. This happened so often that he also got fired. I should've done mean things to him while he slept. Throw popcorn in his open mouth, draw something on his face, paint his nails....

"Bessy" was the office manager at a mental health agency where I worked, but she really should have been a client. She would start a dialogue with me like this:
Her: Good morning, Yvonne. (smiling) Me: Good morning. (smiling back) Her: Are you ok? Me: Yeah, why? Her: Well, I don't know, I'm sensing something from you. Me: Like what? No, I am fine really. Her: Are you sure? (giving me that sideways look) Me: (ugh) Yes! I am fine.
Her: I don't know, I am feeling like maybe you are mad at me or something. Are you sure nothing is bothering you?
Me: (thinking, well I am mad now for you annoying me with these weird questions!)
This happened every day! It was insanity! This dialogue would actually go on longer, but I think you get the point. It got to the point where I would want to slug her as soon as she said, "Good morning."
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Things I love about summertime...

2009-06-30T15:06:00.000-07:00

Warm nights
Swimming
The sound of crickets in the evening
Not feeling rushed about anything
Lazy afternoons
Sleeping in (somewhat)
No school/work
Memories of summers past (Lake Berryessa, anyone?)
Barbequing with friends
Enjoying a glass of wine on the patio

I have some plans that will prevent me from updating my blog as regularly, but I am still around. Summer plans call!

A major Toy Sweep around here!

2009-06-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

So I am off work for a while, yay elementary school schedule! I have been doing some major cleaning and reorganizing. Today I did the freezer, fridge, and pantry, and then I tackled the playroom. Normally I do this about every other month to get rid of knick knacks from parties, prizes, and such, but today I was on a mission!
I went into the playroom and cleaned it out with a vengeance! If I stepped on it? Gone. If I couldn't find what went with it? Gone. If I asked if they stilll wanted it and got no answer? Gone. I felt more motivated as I filled the goodwill and/or garbage bags. If I was tired of looking at it? Gone.
I actually had an EMPTY drawer when I was finished. It felt great.
There is still a major amount of random toys left. A blue plastic beetle that for some reason my kids love to leave places to scare me. Some naked Barbies, hotwheels, plastic horses, pigs, and cows. Baby dolls, again sans, clothing....
It is amazing to me how much this stuff adds up!
I feel so good! Tomorrow? Our "inboxes", you know, the stuff you put somewhere to read/file later? I will keep you posted on my mission to keep our house clutter free!

About my dad!

2009-06-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Since it is Father's Day on Sunday, I wanted to let you know a few things about my dad. Here are some random tidbits:

He was born and raised in The Netherlands and moved to southern Cal when he was eighteen.

He met my mom at the local community college's international students club.

He doesn't sweat the small stuff. I like to think that I got this trait from him.

He is a shameless flirt! I have always found this so amusing. :)

He is extremely generous, patient, and is a truly happy and kind human being.

I was his first child and when I was born he thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

EVERY time I see him he looks so dang happy to see me, as if it's been years! Although most of the time it's only been a few days.

He helped invent a "wine machine" that uses NMR technology to see if a bottle of wine is still good.

He is the smartest person I know.

Because of this, he doesn't see any rhyme or reason to being "fashionable" or always trying to say things in a politically correct manner.

He has the best stories!

Social graces are just not that big a deal to him, which has either embarrassed me, or made me laugh, countless times in my life.

When I was about ten years old, I was in love with visiting San Francisco. So, he took our whole family to hang out at Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39 almost every weekend over that summer.

He plays with my kids. And I mean, really gets right down on the ground and enters their fantasy world as they know it. He does this every time he is with them, even if he is exhausted.

He took two pre-teen and teenage soccer teams to Europe, TWICE.

I get many emails from kids he used to coach back in the day (they are now men, by the way) telling me how much they appreciate that my dad was kind, caring, and never degraded them, or made them feel bad in any way.

When he did coach, he always treated his WHOLE team to lunch at McDonald's when they had away games, much to my mother's chagrin!

Best of all, he loves me and my kids, unconditionally, with all his heart. I love him too, so much!
Happy Father's Day, Dad!

This cream is for wrinkles!

2009-06-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

So I am getting ready to go out and I put my face cream on and dear five yr old daughter reaches for it. I take it from her.
Here is how the rest of that went:

Me: This cream is for grown-ups.
Her: Why is it just for grown-ups?
Me: It's to help hide wrinkles.
Her: What does a wrinkle look like?
Me: Like this, see? When I smile? You can see the wrinkles.
Her: You don't need to smile mom, I can see them even when you don't smile.

sigh......

364 more days, but whose counting?

2009-06-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

Dear God, I am going to be forty on my next birthday!!! How did that happen? Where did the time go? I still feel so young! (Well, on most days...) I am pretty happy about where I am in life. I have a job that I love, love, love...it's the one place where I feel like I truly know what I'm doing!
My family is great, even though I am always posting about how they drive me insane, which they do, but such is life.
We are all currently blessed with good health, and when I say that I mean my entire extended family. This is truly just amazing to me. Just means we have good genes I guess.
This post is just to acknowledge and appreciate all that I have, especially since my mid-life crisis has kicked in. Does this mean I am going to buy a sports car? No, it means that I am going to try to accept ALL social invitations that I can handle and go out and have fun as much as possible. I see senior discount days are about ten years away for me, so I plan to live it up until then! Not saying I plan to dig a hole in the backyard and just lay in it at that time, but life is short, and you only go around once!
That is all! Happy Birthday to me, I totally rock! :)

A plea for help from all you stylish bloggers!

2009-06-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! My birthday is coming up and I have decided that I need a new book/messenger/hobo bag to lug my work stuff around in. I need ideas for cute bag choices! I went to "Nordy's" but got overwhelmed by the choices and the prices. Any ideas from you would be greatly appreciated! This is what I need:

Something that I can look at day after day without getting tired of it. I.e. nothing too bright or loud.

A bag that is going to get abused and dirty! I throw my bag around and it goes with me everywhere at work. I am not easy on my stuff.

A bag that can hold my lunch, my purse, and my other paperwork junk.

I am looking to spend no more than $200.00

Any ideas? please help! Thanks blog sisters! (and brothers, if there are any who read this)

Am awaiting your comments, ideas starting, now!

Tonight's walk with the kids, CPS worthy

2009-06-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

So, every night I promise the kids a walk with the dog after dinner, IF THEY BEHAVE. Sorry to shout, anyways...each night has been wonderful, the kids are looking at bugs, they pick dandelions, we go up to the levy. It has been so nice, until tonight! I had to do the old, "I'm turning around right now if you don't stop fighting with each other!" threat several times, but yes they were idle threats, as I was not about to just stay in the house with them in that mood.

As we are walking down one of the busier streets, dear son takes off running like there is no tomorrow and as I chase him dear daughter starts crying saying I am just leaving her behind....
I couldn't win! At one point I had to strong arm both of them back into the jog stroller and at that moment at least a million cars drove by to see me at my finest parenting moment. Sigh....

We are finally on our way back to the house when both kids have decided the push the jog stroller, one on each side. I praise them for their cooperation and problem solving skills. This is when dear son puts his arm around dear daughter and says, "You're my best friend!" I was like, "awww, that is so precious!" Record scratch sound! Dear daughter pulls away from him, causing him to fall, and says, "We are not friends, you are my brother, and that is family not friends!" (Blahhhh!) I actually said to myself, "I hate being a parent sometimes!"
Sorry, just needed to vent, unlike my last post! ha ha. Thanks for listening.

Not a freak story! Or is it? Life with my son

2009-05-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Last night we had "Open House" at my school, and since dear hubs works nights I brought both kids with me. Dear five year old daughter is fine out in public. Dear three year old son? Different story.
In the few minutes that we were all in the multi-purpose room listening to the Principal talk my son loudly told me that he wants to go back to my office. He asked SEVERAL times to make sure I heard his demands. Then he grabbed the whistle that was around my neck attached to my name badge and put it in his mouth. I told him, "DON'T blow that." He breathed really slowly in and out of the whistle and when I took it out of his mouth he YELLED, "I want the whistle! I won't blow it!" So, to keep him quiet I give it to him and tell him not to blow in it. His response? To BLOW the whistle. So, now everyone looks at us, because a loud whistle just erupted from us. I am livid and embarrassed, so I take him to my office for a time-out. He crosses his arms in front of himself and says, "You're mean, mommy!" Sigh....there's more, but you get the picture!

This is a little person who:

Removed several screws from different areas of the house (toys, outlets, etc) and brought them to me.
Swallowed a penny last week.
Poured the sugar all over the counter and then "swept" it all around with his hand.
Peed in a "Water Blaster" tube and then "launched" said urine.
Pulled every, single diaper wipe out of a new box.
Sprayed the kitchen counter, stove, microwave and dishwasher with the sink sprayer nozzle.
Stepped on, and got stung by two bees, two days in a row.
Spent five nights in the PICU for respiratory distress.
Had three black eyes before he could even walk.
When he's angry, He MUST hit something, or someone and growls, "Really, really, really bad you!!!!"
Hits his sister just to make her mad enough to attack him, over and over.

Life with my little man! His saving grace is that he is just nuts about me and hugs me and tells me he loves me so much...makes me forget all this other stuff until the next incident!
Is this what it's like with boys? Or is it just mine?

Field Trip!

2009-05-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

Our 5th graders went on a field trip to the "Exploratorium" about three hours away. When they were done visiting the museum they all loaded up with their little groups and then their chaperones drove them back to the hotel. Well they got into a "Home Alone" situation and left one of the students in the parking lot! He wandered back to the museum where the security guards helped him out. All ended well, but I would hate to be the chaperone who was in charge of that kid!

Freak Magnet Friday! With great power, comes great responsibilty.

2009-05-21T21:02:00.001-07:00

So, I have started to notice a few things about myself lately. One, is that my subtle psychic abilities seem to be returning after a six year hiatus. This affinity tends to run on my mom's side of the family. Just ask Trueloveisamama and Wenbren! Coincidently, so has my freak magnetism. So much so, that I have three separate incidents that have transpired over the last few weeks! The bad news? I cannot share these stories at this time, as they are just too risky to blog about at this point. Don't stop reading! Don't boo me!
I have been trying to figure out what is going on with me. It is kind of neat in a way, and confusing. I came up with this: My youngest child has just turned three, technically not a baby anymore, hence not quite as needy. I think this has freed up some of my mental energy and I kind of feel like the baby fog is lifting sooo...maybe that's it? Not sure. But I promise to share a story when I think it's safe enough to post!
On a separate note, today I was making the rounds in the upper grade classrooms when I walked by a 5th grade class that had erupted in laughter. I poked my head in and saw that a student had fallen over in his chair. I asked the teacher what happened. He said the student next to him passed gas so loudly that the other student got "blown out of his chair." The teacher and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. "The children are out future", isn't that great?
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Blame the parents!

2009-05-19T21:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have posted some comments that the students make around my school, but after today's events I have to post some things the parents have said, and all I can say is that I fear for our future! Not really, but kind of, anyways!

Today we had a student who has not turned in any homework, she is in first grade. All the kids in her class who turned in their homework could then color as a reward. When said student was told she could not color until she did her work, she had a major meltdown and then ran out of her class. Her mom's reaction? It wasn't fair that her daughter couldn't color when the rest of the class could! She could not see our rationale. Ugh!

Another first grade student stole a dollar from a classmate. He was sent to the office for a referral. This boy's mom said we were picking on him, threw a dollar at our secretary and said she was taking him out of school...to spite us I guess? Sigh...

We had a couple of students get into a fight. The one who started it got suspended and sent home. The one who fought back got an in-school suspension. The parent of the fight starter was adamant about about finding out how we disciplined the other student and wanted to make sure we did not just suspend her son. How about just focusing on your own child?

This is the last one because I am getting annoyed just remembering this stuff!
We have a student who is seven years old, the poor thing does not recognize any letters, or numbers, colors or basically anything else. Retaining her was brought up so that she could catch up with another year in second grade, which is still way beyond the level she is at now. The parents reaction? We are racist! Oh dear...

So when we get blamed as a school for "failing" to help a student, nobody seems to point the finger at the ones who influence the child the most! Oh wait, I have to mention this last one!

A parent called and asked us to please stop sending ANY thing home in her son's backpack, as it is just too much for her to keep up with it all! I am totally serious! This is also a student whose dad comes to pick him up smelling like Marijuana more times than not. Yeah. This is what we are up against in my neck of the woods!

Freak Magnet Friday! I thought he was gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

2009-05-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

Back in about 1995 I was finishing up all the classes for my minor in college, which was Social Work, go figure..but anyways, I had about four classes in a row back to back and so there was a small co-hort of us that spent all this time together, three times a week.

Eventually I met a guy named "Edgar" who was about one of three guys in the Social Work department. He was about my height, close to my weight, and very effeminate, in my opinion. We always sat by each other and we would gossip like teenage girls in high school, it was fun! We even wrote notes during class, we really brought out each other's mature side! I had so much fun with Edgar because I was convinced he was gay and so this was a very freeing experience to hang out with a man in this way. I felt like he was my first gay friend and I pictured us hanging out at clubs, gossiping about the other people at the clubs, and all that fun stuff you do with your gay guy friends.
I never came out and asked Edgar if he was gay because, one, it wasn't my place, and two, once when we were walking from one of our classes to the next a bee came flying around us and this is EXACTLY how he reacted:

Edgar: "Oh my God! A bee! (Flailing around, waving the bee away in a frenzy, swatting at the air) Oh my God, go away bee! Go away!"

Yeah, you be the judge on that one.

So one day we are walking from class to class and we're just chatting, when out of the blue he says to me, "Um, this is so hard for me to say, but I don't think I can be friends with you anymore."

Me: "What? Why, what happened?"

Edgar: "Well when you talk to me about you and your boyfriend I can't take it! I want to just beat him up and take you away with me so that I can have you all to myself! I picture all these instances where I save you from some dangerous situation and you are so happy that you just fall in love with me...so you see why it's too painful for me to talk to you anymore?"
Me: (crickets chirping, mouth agape) Hmm, thought he was gay?

Later, after some weeks go by and he has been ignoring me, I figure he would be over whatever that was and be willing to hang out with me again. He tells me, "No, I just can't. It's too painful." Man, really convinced he was gay.

Whatever! He called me about a year later, asked me if I still had a boyfriend, I said yes. He then tells me, "Well it was nice knowing you, I thought it wouldn't bother me to hear this, but is still does." Dude! Are you sure your not gay? Remember the bee incident?

Ok, so now it is years later, and I would bet that he either got out of denial and admitted he was gay, or is married to a woman who is very masculine! Not that there's anything wrong with that! Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Happy mother's Day to all you Mama's out there!

2009-05-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to first, apologize for not posting a Freak Magnet Friday post, I went blank but I have one ready for next Friday!
Next, I just wanted to show appreciation for all moms out there who do the best that they can do everyday for their kids. I think most of us have parenting moments that we are not proud of, and we often feel guilt about it, or think we are not good moms. I wanted to just point out that the world out there has unfairness, weirdness, hostility, and dishonestly. These are issues that every human being will be exposed to at some point in their lives, unfortunately.
My point? That when we show our kids that we are not perfect, that sometimes we react in a way we feel bad about, or we handle a situation poorly, etc. we are actually teaching our kids how to deal with imperfection in others. I think that is a great gift!
So the next time you, Ok I, lose it over something the kids did, I will take comfort in knowing that I am teaching them how to deal with tough world out there! Gosh, I feel better already!
Happy Mother's Day to all my mom readers and my mom-to-be readers! The hardest, yet most rewarding job in the universe!

More stuff heard on campus

2009-05-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is the time of year that gets real stressful at a school. Testing is almost over, tensions have spilled over, and some people are just sick of things. I thought this would be a good time to post some quotes heard around school lately. Here goes:

"I got into a fight with her because she said my mom looks like an 'Oompa Loompa'".
(No offense, but she kinda does!)

"I got in trouble because I said, 'Bagina'. I know what a 'Bagina' is but my dad told me to stop saying that."
(No kidding? Can't imagine why hearing you say that makes him uncomfortable.)

"I'm having a good day, Mrs. S!" Teacher: "No, he's not!"
(sigh...)

"Get off the floor, get up, and get back to class!"
(Can you imagine your boss saying something like this to you? It would be hilarious, and you would probably get fired shortly afterwards)

"People are just too crazy about me and it bugs me because it just causes me a lot of problems."
(Heavy is the head...)

"Well, Suzy told me that she is my friend, but she would not be my friend if I am friends with Sally, but Sally said we could only be friends if I was friends with her and Sara, but not Suzy...",
(Etc, etc. Some things never change, remember 4th grade? Ah, yes, I remember it well...)

"I got a citation for no reason!"
(I love to then say, "So it says on your citation, 'reason': "None!" I didn't know that box was on there!)

"It's Billy's fault I got in trouble!"
(Blaming others, a classic and wildly popular form of not taking personal responsibility for ones actions, can last WELL into adulthood)

"Everyone else was talking, but I am the only one who got in trouble!
(everybody: "IT'S NOT FAIR!")

Yup, life at an elementary school, folks!

Sick of the sickness!

2009-05-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

So we are again at the time of year where my kids seem to be chronically ill with something or the other. My 3yo son is battling yet another cold on the tail end of dealing with a cold that left him with some sort of rash. My daughter finally got over her cold but still has a lingering cough just like me!
I have gone in late or called in sick to work so many times since April that I can't believe they haven't fired me, yet. I am wondering when this will end? Or at least, slow down? It seems to happen every year around this time.
I grew up out in the country before antibacterial and before any swine flu scares. I don't remember being sick this much. I mean, I had a father who smoked all the time, indoors!
I can only hope this is building immune systems in this house. Is any one else feeling like this, or dealing with this? I am starting to wonder what I am doing wrong/ I wash their hands all the time and the kids get enough sleep, eat right, etc.
Just feeling kind of exhausted...maybe because last night I only slept four hours because dear son had a croup attack at 11:30pm that didn't subside until 1:40a? I can't wait for health to reappear around here! Anyways, this is what has been happening around here. Oh yeah, we got a new dog! He is a calm, yellow Lab around one year old. His name is Bodie, but we call him Bo, for short. So far, so good! I gotta go, I hear someone coughing!

Freak Magnet Friday! Yet another weirdo I dated!

2009-04-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

This story takes place in early 1990. I was still reeling from the "first love" break-up and was just trying to get through school and life. I was nineteen, close to twenty years old. Remember, this was "peak freak" time for me!
So I am hanging out with some friends when one of our friends brings over a guy he met while working in Utah for the summer. This guy had black hair and eyes the color of Windex! He was super cute in my opinion and said he came out to California to get a "fresh start" (Later I realized that fresh start=running from the Law). He was really charming and was a "life of the party" type of person. So, we start dating! It seemed normal enough at first. But then strange things started to happen. For one, he kept having to move out of wherever he was staying for various reasons. He never lasted for more than a couple of weeks at any place. Hmmm...then people we were hanging out with all seemed to have things stolen. All kinds of things, too. It seemed weird that all my friends were getting things stolen all the time.
More stuff...then he loses the job he got for reasons unknown to me. He gets desperate, but says he can't go back to Utah because it is just too conservative for him. He came from a Mormon family (remember the guy who stole drugs from those kids? If not read back through my Freak Magnet stories!) and said his parents wanted him more involved than he wanted to be. That was his reason. In a matter of three weeks he gains about fifty pounds, which was weird, since he was broke all the time. So now this guy is not looking as good as he used to both physically and as a person in general. I start to try to distance myself. Sound familiar?
He then gets beaten up by one of his roommates at his latest place of residence and says he has to move again! I just couldn't believe his "bad luck." So naive! A lot more drama happens and I see a pattern of him pissing people off and it never seemed to be his fault, again, hmmmm...
The last straw was when he begged to borrow my car to go to the bay area to visit his aunt to get money from her. I was hesitant, but thought, if he gets money, then he can get on his feet (I know! I am so dumb sometimes!). So he borrows my car and is gone for over TEN HOURS!
This was before cell phones so I was really mad and also freaking out. He finally calls me from a pay phone and gives me the stupidest, most unbelievable story about why he was gone so long! I mean it was so unreal and made-up that I told myself, "That's it! We're done!"
Divine intervention happens and he says he is going back to Utah! Woo hoo! I don't even need to give him a reason not to see him anymore! BUT he needs a ride to someone's house and then he will be gone. Well, at this point I am all about getting him the Hell out of town as quickly as possible! I told him I would give him a ride and then I helped him pack EXACTLY the way Elaine did on that one Seinfeld episode where she was trying to get rid of that guy and didn't want him to miss his flight! It was hilarious!
So he was gone, and I never heard from him again. I am pretty sure he is serving time for something somewhere, maybe he reads blogs while he is in there...
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

I wanna get off the ride!

2009-04-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

Phew! Does everyone else feel they are overscheduled and overbooked with things? I feel like our weekends are packed to the maximum and when Monday rolls around I think, now I can relax!
And by relax I mean:
Get up, get ready for work, get the kids ready for school/babysitter, drop everyone off, get to work, be productive, go pick up the kids, get home, do homework, make dinner, referee fights, play games, take baths, get stuff ready for the next day, etc.
Of course this did not even include making doctor/dentist/Optometrist appointments, run errands, house work, and a kazillion other things I probably forgot!
I just feel like we are on this fast moving roller coaster and sometimes I wanna yell, "Stop! I want to get off now!" My kids are not even old enough to be in organized sports where I hear this takes up A LOT of time. So this lead me to think of my own childhood. My parents had three of us and I know we did things, but was it like this??? I don't remember having so many things to do, but I'm sure my mom would disagree! Anyways, I just needed to vent for a minute, thanks for hearing me out!

Freak Magnet Friday! Vegas, baby...I star this time

2009-04-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

This is a story that is brief, but I think I am the freak in this instance! For I cannot explain my behavior except to say that I was the one who acted strangely.

It was 1994, I was twenty-four and my boyfriend (now hubs) and I went to Las Vegas for the first time in our lives. If you have never been there it is quite a sight to behold! It's like Disneyland for gamblers. There are flashing blinking lights of all colors, everywhere! I spent the first half hour I think just staring at it all, taking it all in.

At some point we decide to go to one of THE major casinos there, Caesar's Palace! (echo announcer voice) This place is just over the top with the whole gold chariot statues, columns, etc.
So we go in and we decide to play a few slot machines. It was relatively dead in there since it was early in the afternoon, so we just wandered around leisurely. Eventually we get separated, but not a big deal since there aren't many people in there. I start gambling at one of the slot machines when I hear a voice. It sounded EXACTLY like Barry White, and it said:

"Are you enjoying yourself this afternoon?"
This is when the weird trance I fell into started! I looked up slowly and see this tall, dark, muscular man, dressed like a Roman soldier from the old Empire days looking at me! He is at least 6' 5" and he is all decked out and shiny, and I hear myself say:

"Yes, I am." In a hushed tone.

He then says to me (Gosh it was sooo romance novelly!):

"Would you be interested in signing up for our Caesar's Palace Game Tracking Card?"
Me: "Uh huh..."

Him: "Follow me to the Customer Service Counter."

Me: "Uh huh..."

And I followed this Roman Soldier, I guess to the counter, but honestly I don't remember! I was so hypnotized by him in all his splendor, and that voice! I would have followed him out the door and down the street! Who knows??? It was so strange, and it ended as soon as I didn't see him anymore, but that was just freakness on my part! Never knew what came over me either, maybe Great Caesar's ghost?
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

The one zen-like time of the day in my life

2009-04-22T20:51:00.000-07:00

Every night I promise to lay in bed with Dear 5 yr old Daughter, and Dear 3 yr old son until they fall asleep. So each night after some arguing and tussling, there is a little discussion of the days events, followed by silence, then some fidgeting, and then stillness...both sleeping!

Then I have this enormous feeling of peace that comes over me. Both kids slowly and steadily breathing. Their little bodies snuggled against me, one on each side. I feel harmonious, like all is right in the world...

Shhhh...please don't ruin it by asking what the mornings are like!

The $28.00 Slice Of Watermelon & More...

2009-04-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

So I am back from Disneyland and I have compiled a list of things that I like and things that I don't, about the Magic Kingdom:

Things that I like:

It's fun!

Everyone is friendly.

The rides are great.

The food is not bad.

There is no riff raff.

The kids are entertained the whole time.

The parade is neat.

The firework show is awesome!

Great family bonding time.

Perfect weather.

Fast Pass, Switch Pass, and a stroller, all necessities!

Things that I don't like:

A bottle of water is three dollars.

We ate at a breakfast buffet where certain Characters harassed us the whole time we were trying to eat.

We paid TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS for dear son to eat a slice of watermelon at said buffet. Yes! They charged us that much for a two year old to eat breakfast and that is all he ate! To even things out a little, I put a banana in our bag for later, that'll show 'em!

I waited in line an hour and a half so that dear daughter could talk to Belle from Beauty and the Beast for one minute.

Even though we had a stroller, dear son insisted on being held the entire day on our last day there. Our backs will never be the same!

Does a kids size small T-shirt made in Malaysia really need to cost $24.00?

Our $300 a night room had no free continental breakfast, no entertainment for the kids, except an arcade, and housekeeping only changed the sheets and left the rest of the room a mess. Is this too much to ask for a little extra's thrown in at this price?

The seven and a half hour drive sitting between two bored kids at the seventh hour with a surround sound noise level that had me uttering the mantra, "Serenity now! Serenity now!"

So there you have it, our trip in a nutshell! It's good to be back.

I'm going to Disneyland!

2009-04-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!
I am leaving for Disneyland right after the Easter festivities. I will be out of town for four days so I will be on blog hiatus for a short time. I am hoping to have a something interesting to post about when I get back if I am not prescribed Xanax for my post traumatic stress of being in The Happiest Place on Earth! Wish me luck!
Happy Easter!

Freak Magnet Friday! Renaissance love...

2009-04-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am kinda freaking out about the statement I made about having endless stories about the freaks that I have encountered in my life. I guess I haven't lived long enough to have that kind of supply! Maybe I should tone it down to, "Big Weirdo Wednesday!" Or something. But I did remember a family I worked with when I was at Jerry H. Springer Elementary School.
It was the first day of school and this little couple, both being around 5'2" dropped into my office. She was tiny and had long blond hair and glasses. Her husband, was a bit rotund for his height and had long blond hair in a pony tail and a full beard.
For apparently no reason, they felt they had to come in and tell me their history of how they met, and on the first day of school, no less. So the wife tells me that she met her husband at a Renaissance Faire and he was dressed in the full regalia, tights, funky shoes, etc. He really went all out and she says to me, "He looked really hot, I mean who wouldn't be turned on by that, right?"
(Right....) She goes on to say how they eventually got married and their son is now at our school. By the way, her husband talked over her the WHOLE time she was telling me all of this, very annoying. But anyways... Their son, they tell me, is very precocious (aren't they all? sigh...) and that as a result he often has behavior problems. Whoa, didn't see that coming! Anyways, they bring said son in to meet me. He is too cute, a little tow head, with a freakin' full on Mullet! I was like, dear God, why would they do that to him? This is a rough school, why invite trouble? Different strokes, I guess.
So after a few weeks I notice that this couple would come in every week and just plop down on my couch and start shooting the breeze, like I was their personal therapist! They never had any complaints, just chit chat. So I had to cut them off.
The husband then started invading his son's teacher's personal space. Example: We are eating lunch in the staff room and he walks in, doesn't say excuse me or anything, looks at the teacher, who is trying to eat and says, "I need to talk to you about N's homework!" She was a new teacher and she was aghast. I however, had seen where this was going. So I cut him off and say, "Excuse me, but this is Miss E's lunch time, you will have to find a different time to talk to her." Mr. Renaissance Man then says to me, "I will not be talked to in that manner! I am going to talk to the Principal about how I have been treated!" Maybe I should have spoken his language? Like, "Dear sir! Pleasest do seeist that thyne teacher is trying to commence the eating of her feast, now beat it!" Or something along those lines.
That is basically all I have about this funky family. I wonder if they still frequent the Renaissance Fairs? Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Excuses, excuses...

2009-04-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we are now on Spring break at my school, but before I left we were talking about all the crazy excuses we have for students being absent or late to school. I went through some of the late slips and here is what I found:

The slip has printed on it: Reason late:

"We were partying this morning." (Nice!)

"Stuck in traffic." (yeah, you live around the corner!)

"Forgot there was school today." (That's just dumb)

"Alarm didn't go off."

"She was blessed with her monthly visitor." (We are a staff of 90% women, could you imagine?)

"My cell phone died." (and?)

"His dad doesn't know what time school starts." (Father Of The Year!)

"Thought it was minimum day." ( ok...)

"Just late." ( oh, elusive!)

"She didn't go to bed until 2 am." (WHY??)

It goes on and on! To my teacher readers, I know you feel me on this! What kind of message do these excuses send? These students will hopefully have jobs some day, and these just won't fly with most bosses, last I checked. I fear for the next generation, Ok, I know people say that for every generation but still.

Freak Magnet Friday! My BF's BFF's weird GF

2009-04-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Today's story is about a girl! Or should I say a woman (chick?) anywhooo...a long time ago my boyfriend's best friend was going out with this freaky chick, I will call her "FC" from now on. When I first met her she seemed normal enough. She was very pretty and had an exotic type of look going on. As we were all spending time together going out, staying in, I started to notice things.

The first thing that made me go, "Hmm" was when BF's BFF brought her to our apartment for a quick visit. I had just bought a magazine that I wanted to read and it was on our coffee table. They stay for a short while and then shortly after I can't find my magazine anywhere! Keep in mind that it is only myself and BF who live in this apartment and we kept the place pretty clean. It didn't even occur to me that it could have been taken. I really thought I was going crazy because it seemed to have disappeared!

More time goes by and they come over again, this time the big hair clip that I had sitting on the bathroom counter mysteriously vanishes! This was strange because it was the ONLY thing on the counter, so it's pretty obvious that either she (or her BF, unlikely) took it. Now the question was, WHY? Why would someone steal a used hair clip that probably cost like a dollar!

This last incident pretty much confirmed that FC was indeed, a klepto. We went to the river to hang out, go jet skiing with some friends. She and I are just waiting on the beach, sitting in the sun when she spot a huge pair of men's flip flops nearby in the sand. She walks over to them, shouts, "Score!" and shoves them in her bag! I was like, "eewww! Why would you want some guys sweaty used flips?" Sick...but then I thought, if she'll steal those, she'd steal anything!

More freakiness...
She then tells me in passing that she used to live in L.A. and was a Madame for a brothel and she had "hundreds" of girls working for her and that she had famous clientele, etc. She said she stopped doing it because all the money she had coming in was making her nervous. Did I mention that she was unemployed and living with her parents? Yeah...

More time goes on and we end up working out at the same gym. Not really a big deal until one day I went to sit in the sauna after working out and she happens to be in there. Still didn't think it was a big deal. A few days later she told me she was "bummed" because apparently she had checked out my, err, breast size whilst in the sauna and was very disappointed in the fact that they were smaller than she had originally thought. WTH???? I was speechless, and almost apologetic? WEIRD.

I'm still laughing about that as I write! Too bizarre! Anyways, I think the last straw for all of us was when I had my family over for a BBQ. It was small, no big deal, a Sunday afternoon. My BF's BFF brings her by and she starts drinking like prohibition is coming back...really on a mission! Well she gets drunk and my family is all sitting on our sectional couches. FC (Freaky Chick, remember?) starts rolling around on the ground with our very large dog, wrestling, laughing, but it was a little over the top....making EVERYONE uncomfortable!

That is basically where this ends, thank God!!!! No idea what happened to her...oh yeah! One more tidbit...One time we all sat to play Pictionary and we had to stop, because she either couldn't read the clues or didn't understand what they meant. But yet, she managed a brothel...right.

Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

I'm outta here!

2009-03-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am so excited I can barely contain myself! Here's what happened when I got to work this morning. Principal calls me in to his office:

Principal: "(cautiously) I need to talk to you about something...how would you feel about attending a training in Seattle? It's for two days, you would have to stay in a hotel for possibly two or three nights."

Me: (OMG, stay calm, try to look professionally interested) "Hmm, when is it? I would have to check my calendar."

Principal: (still trying to sound enticing) It's in July...if you are feeling hesitant about traveling by yourself, maybe your husband could join you and you could make it a getaway for the both of you."

Me: (Try not to laugh out loud, bring my husband...esta loco?) "I don't mind traveling alone. I actually enjoy it sometimes."

So we wrap it up and I am beyond excited about having some time to myself and not having to constantly attend to others needs for a while...oh yeah and to be trained in something for the school, forgot what? ...anyways! I am already picturing myself drinking a cup of coffee, reading a magazine, window shopping, and oh yeah, and the whole training thing again...

Freak Magnet Friday! The history..where it all began, I think

2009-03-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I was at a St. Patrick's Day party talking to a total stranger about my Freak magnet affliction. Being that she didn't even know me probably just made her think I was a freak, but that's OK!
Here is some of the beginnings that I remember:
When I was fifteen, I had a friend who would call me to just talk about random things and we would talk about mostly surface stuff, and one time in the middle of the conversation he started crying! It was strange to me because it wasn't like he was talking about early childhood memories, or his deepest darkest secrets...just talking! I asked him why he was crying and he said, "I don't know, but when I talk to you I feel like crying." Ok, now keep in mind I am also not talking about anything personal, just chit chat. So we continue to talk regularly and he continues to cry regularly, which kind of freaked me out. I asked him, "Why do you talk to me if it makes you cry all the time?" He said there was something about the way I talked that made him feel emotional and that even though he was crying, it helped him feel better, hmmm.
So then his mom gets wind of this and calls me! She says, "I wondered why he was crying every time he talked to you, but he says it helps him feel better, so what can I say?'
I really wasn't sure how to handle this, or what it meant? We stopped talking at some point, and some years later he passed away in a tragic car accident. That was just really sad.

When I was sixteen I met a guy at a party who I thought was a total loser, he was dating my friend and I didn't like him for her. I would see him at the parties she would have and once he cornered me at one of these gatherings and he spilled his guts to me. I realized that he was probably really mentally ill with everything he told me. Then he starts crying and leaves the party and everyone looked at me like, "What the Hell did you do to him?" Again, I was stunned with what had happened, I had no answers!

Another time when I was sixteen I was at a party where this weird guy kept hitting on me. He was really coming on strong and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. A friend of mine saw my distress and called for "back up" to help me. The back up was his brother who had to escort him out. I said to his brother and my friend, "What is his problem???" They both said they had never seen him act this way and they were stumped about his behavior, almost implying that I was responsible for his weird obsessiveness!

It was a this point that I slowly started to realize that I somehow bring out people's weirdest, freakish, behavior. Hmmm...so I started to become more aware, and more guarded about who I talk to and what I talk about. I started to fine tune my "radar" and later could see when this would start to happen. I know I mentioned only men, but it happened with women too!

So, cut to today, where I now get paid to deal with this side of myself. I became a counselor!
This was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Now I am in control of these situations and I actually feel honored, (and yes, sometimes freaked out) by allowing people to feel comfortable to let their freak flag fly!

So here is me. Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Short and sweet! The randomness of kids

2009-03-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I go to do a presentation about a free gift giveaway to all the classrooms, k-5. I stand up in front of the classes, slowly and clearly tell them where it is, and what time to be there and that they just need their parents to be present with them. Then I ask if they have any questions. Here is a sample of what I got, from all levels:

Me to each class: "Any questions?"

Them:

"Do you know that my dad takes care of me?" (That's so nice)

"I like to go dancing!" (Ok, me too, but how is this related?)

"I have this cat and my grandma, my grandma, my grandma, she, she one time, she, my cat..." (uh huh, get back to me, sweetie)

"I get to go to the zoo on Saturday and then we're going to Chuck E. Cheese, cuz that's my favorite place! "(mmmhmmm, me? Not so much a fan).

"My brother lives with us." (Is that right?)

"I'm going to play PS3 when I get home!" (a good use of time!)

"I ride bikes with my dad and he, and he, and uh, uh, Oh! I forgot!" (Yeah, I hate that!)

"Where do we go? What time does it start? What day is it?" (I just told you, apparently you were busy doing something else, even though you were looking right at me!)

"I have a pet hamster, and his name is Fluffy, and he goes on his wheel, like this (gestures) and then he runs and runs and it's really funny (laughing)!" (I'm not really a fan of rodentia, but that's cool.)

"Are you married to Mr. G?" (uh, no but interesting that you would ask, hmmm)

You get the picture! They are too funny and cute, which is a good thing for their sake. My own kids do the same thing!

Freak Magnet Friday Part 2 More Euro weirdness!

2009-03-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

A reminder to update you: My BFF and I just arrived in Paris, France.

We get to the hostel and it is crowded with people from all over the world. Side note: public nudity is NOT frowned up on Europe. There was more than one instance where I had a, "My eyes!" situation, but I digress. So as we are checking out the scene, we meet this guy from Eastern Europe. He is talking with us when we notice what looks like a bunch of duct or masking tape stuck to the back of his jean jacket. We get a closer look and realize that the "tape" is actually the dried skin from an actual iguana! Eeesh. He wore that jacket everyday that we were there. Weird.

We then meet these two guys from Algeria who were VERY interested in the fact that we were American girls. They wore the traditional garb, which we could only describe as "Jesus dresses" because that is exactly what they looked like. These guys decided one night to invite us to their "jam session" which took place in a mini-ampitheater. They were playing American songs on the guitar, and their grand finale was "Hotel Cawifonia." It was sweet, really. They were hoping we would be wooed by this. They also had a personal space distance of: too close! They would get really all up to our faces to talk and we were like, "get back!" We had to push them away several times. Oh, and as a farewell present and one last attempt to impress us, they gave us these handmade wool pillowcases and then said we must now give them something in return! So, being the classy gals that we were, we gave them some T-shirts we got at the London airport.

OK, so we get hungry whilst milling about Paris so we go into this cafe. Everything is cool, we try to order even though we don't speak any French and apparently the French DO NOT speak English. So it's time to order drinks and we order two cokes. You would have thought we ordered a cup of gerbil milk with the reaction we got from EVERYONE in the cafe! It became dead silent and everyone stared at us! WTH? We asked to everyone, "What???" Some patron leaned over and said to us, "We know you are Americans because only Americans order soda with their meals." Ok? so? That was just weird, and kind of an overdramatic reaction from the crowd I must say.

This was the summer of 1988, or in Paris, "The Summer to be extremely rude to Americans!"
No matter where we went the people refused to help us or even be courteous. This happened as we tried to navigate the metro system, stores, even the people who worked at the youth hostel! We renamed it Hostile.
The Hostile had a "chow hall" if you will, where we got "breakfast" every morning, in line with a tray. Our meal consisted of half a baguette and a bowl of warm chocolate milk for dipping in. All served by a very frazzled and cranky chef? Server? Not sure. We called him "Google" because of his eyes. Let me tell you, I went from, "Oooh, I love baguettes!" To, "If I see another piece of french bread I am going to be sick." Yes, it does get old when you eat one with every single meal!
Oh, and we did see all the major attractions, including the Eiffel tower where my BFF and some irritated Italian lady almost got into it getting into the elevator back down! Crazy...
The city is amazing and we didn't let the rudeness of the French folk taint our visit! But this is Freak Magnet Friday, so I had to post all the weird stuff! Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

St. Patrick's Day Parade ends in chaos!

2009-03-17T21:24:00.001-07:00

So, I decide to take Dear son, who is almost three, and dear daughter who is five to the St. Patrick's Day parade in Old Sacramento. The weather is beautiful and the kids are excited! The parade is great, bagpipes, Irish dancers, clowns, etc. Everything is perfect, the kids get candy, bead necklaces, and dear son is given a two-foot tall flag, good times.
Now it is time to leave. We start walking back to the car which includes a walk over the river and down a long path. Dear son decides to hold the flag at an angle that will impale anyone's calf who comes near him. I try to take it from him or at least have him hold it more upright, but he is not having any of it. He starts yelling, "My flag! It's my flag!" Ok, ok, so I try to leave him alone. There are a lot of people walking so I go to hold his hand but he is too cool to hold mommy's hand. I tell him he needs to walk faster and he responds by tripping and falling and getting a splinter in his hand! So now we are walking and he is crying and saying, " My hand has blood! I have blood!" (There is no blood, he is always exagherating like that!)
Now we are on the long path back to the car when dear daugher starts doing the pee pee dance and says, "We have to hurry! I have to go to the bathroom!" Oh no...I tell her we still have a ways and maybe she should just go behind a bush or something, but she is afraid of anyone seeing her so we try to keep going. We finally get to the car and it is obvious we are not going to make it in time. I put dear son in the car and tell her to just squat behind the car. She does, but manages to pee all over her pants, socks and shoes! So now, dear son is crying saying his hand hurts and dear daughter is now pulling off her wet clothes so we can get home.
We finally get moving and I am wondering the whole time how fast things can go wrong. I cursed dear hubs for the millionth time for working nights and just start trying to get to the house. The kids fight the whole way home and when we pull into the driveway, I asked the kids if they had fun, and they both shout, "Yeah!" So, that made it worth all the drama! Never a dull moment, I tell ya!

Freak magnet Friday! Euro-freaks or culture clash?

2009-03-11T23:45:00.000-07:00

So I was looking through some old stuff when I found a journal my BFF created to document our trip to Europe in 1988, the year I graduated High School. I will summarize the "freak" points of this journal for your reading pleasure!
We were there for three weeks and stayed in two different youth hostels. One in Holland and one in Paris, France. Yes, THE Paris! Not Hilton...so anyways, we had a variety of bizarre experiences while staying at these places.

We are in our room at our first hostel in Holland, it is like 3AM but we had just got there and we couldn't sleep. We had our window open because it was a summer night , we were on the third floor. As we are staring out the window, just kind of shocked that we are now in Europe when just a measly 16 hours ago we were in San Francisco, we hear a commotion! All of a sudden there is a group of both guys and girls who dive into our room through our window! WTH? We just looked at each other. There was about five of them. One of them said: You are the Americans? yes? We want to know all about the United States! Please tell us things about what it is like to live in America!

Well, that is not exactly an easy question to answer, but we just start chatting about how we feel we are superior to the rest of the world, everyone wants to be just like us, it's the U.S.'s world and everyone else just lives in it, you know very patriotic stuff...Then we hear more noise outside when yet another group of young dutch folk dive into our window! They then PHYSICALLY throw the other people out of our window and sat down like nothing happened! What's funny is that they asked us the exact same thing as the other people. WTH was all that? We asked them what their beef was with the other dutchies and one of the guys just made a dismissive motion with his hand and said, "Phht, they are farmers." Farmers? Yes, the cursed Farmer! Wait, what? We later figured that that was the American equivalent of "total loser."
Before these guys left, they broke out into a concert of impromptu fake flatulence, vomitting, and belching noises and then left just as suddenly as they came. Leaving us speechless.

Moving on...we hear there is a "Disco" in the hostel. It was 1988 so we were like, "Hee hee, Disco! (snort). But of course we went to check it out. This is the scene, young travelers, lots of smoking, Euro-Techno music blasting, and SCORE! We can drink here! We meet a very intoxicated young man named "Marlik". Marlik takes it upon himself to show us around. As he is doing this, he is leaving a trail of spilled beer from the glass he is holding. He is also so drunk, that we cannot understand a single word he is saying (picture Keith Richards talking). He then goes to the dance floor, starts to pass out standing up, and in the process burned a hole in the sweater of the girl in front of him with his cigarette! She turned around like, "Hey! Who is burning a hole in my sweater with a cigarette?" But Marlik was too obliviated to notice. Ok, that wasn't freak-like but I thought I would mention him anyways.

I am starting to think that this may turn into a two part post, hmmm. Ok, so then we head off to Paris! Yay! I thought to myself, Paris is the city of all cities to be in, right? I mean it's so glamorous and rich with history...and rich with weirdos, apparently. Let me just say that Paris is way different than Amsterdam, ok? I mean almost night and day with how things went for us.

Ok, now this post is too long! I will continue with our stories from France and how everyone was either weird or mean to us, next Friday! Thanks for reading!

P.S. I am half Dutch, my father was born and raised in Holland. Just wanted you to know!

We reward bullying!

2009-03-09T08:55:00.001-07:00

You know, I was really thinking about the whole issue of bullying in schools. It has been happening since probably the beginning of time, it's a kind of social Darwinism. The presumed weakest get picked on, bossed around, even beaten up! There are several programs and campaigns marketed to schools to stop bullying. I am a school counselor, it is part of my job to curtail this behavior, but it will never go away completely. It's a part of human nature, just not a very pretty part.
The interesting thing here is this. We tend to reward this behavior in adults! Example: There is a parent at our school that gets her way by bullying other parents and teachers alike. When she doesn't get her way she goes straight to the district office to threaten and yell at them. This is how she gets what she wants. We have given in to her threats, demands, and outright tantrums just to get her to leave us alone! She has threatened lawsuits, grievances, you name it! The entire PTA is scared of her! Yet, she continues, and gets what she wants through bullying and intimadation. She is not an isolated case by any means. I bet any of us could think of someone that gets what they want by bullying.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for advocating for your rights, but it's how one goes about doing it that makes the difference. This just makes me wonder what kind of message are we sending? If you are under 12 years old here you get punished for this behavior, but as an adult you get rewarded, you get your way no matter who you've hurt or stepped on! Ugh! It just frustrates me! I'm sure some of these people are just misguided souls, but I think it's our job to guide them towards other ways to get you needs met, you know? Anyways, that is my Monday rant. Feel free to argue, agree, or add! Thanks for reading this!

P.S. I disabled the 'word verification' feature. This should make it way easier to post a comment!

Freak Magnet Friday! Mystery guest post!

2009-03-05T23:15:00.000-08:00

Today I have a mystery guest who had something so bizarre happen in his presence that I insisted he let me blog his story for Freak Magnet Friday! When I asked him if I could tell his tale he enthusiastically replied, "I guess." What a great supporter of my blog he is!

Here is his story:
His Fantasy Football draft was to take place at a popular, uh, restaurant called Hooters. I know, I know! Groans and eyerolls and tsk, tsk! But anyways...He was sitting at the bar having a beer with some other guys when he sees these two Tweaker chicks run in to the restaurant and straight to the bathroom. (Tweaker=probable Meth user).

He said they seemed out of place, but didn't give them a further thought. After a few minutes the girls come out of the bathroom and start making moves on all the guys at the bar! He said they were rubbing the other guys arms, asking things like, "So, do you think I'm hot?" Or, "What's your name? Are you married?" Things of that nature. My mystery guest said all the men were feeling a little uncomfortable, but were still being polite (such gentlemen!).

Then one of the girls shouts to the patrons, "Hey! You guys wanna watch us dance?" What's key here is that there is NO MUSIC playing, just TV's with sports on! So these two ladies start bumping and grinding on each other like two crazed weasels, gross! Apparently this gets boring for the girls so one of them goes, "My (boobs) are better than any of the waitresses here! You guys want to see?!" And then flashes them to everyone at the bar!

At this point all the guys are just catching flies with their mouths open like, "WTF?"
The manager now steps in and demands that the girls leave immediately, which they do after much cussing and complaining. So, drama over, everyone back to whatever they were doing, right? Wrong!

The manager, who is a young lady, starts apologizing to everyone at the bar for the disturbance and is in the middle of offering to buy them all a round of drinks when she stops in mid-sentence and says, "What the-?" Then yells at a bartender to call the police. She is facing the window to the street. Everyone turns to see what she is looking at and they see one of the tweaker chicks squatting outside the entrance and she is PEEING! Eewww! So they chase them off again and they ran off for good that time. When it was all over everyone looked at each other stunned. One guy asked the others, "Did anyone get a picture of that? Because NO ONE is going to believe this just happened!"

The moral of this story is that you should always have your Fantasy Football drafts take place somewhere more appropriate, like Spaghetti Factory or Mimi's Cafe.

Creative ways to deal with telemarketers!

2009-03-02T21:50:00.000-08:00

You'd think with caller ID that telemarketing would cease to exist, but it seems worse than ever at my house! So, I felt inspired to share some ideas of how to deal with telemarketers after reading Mainly a Midwife's blog. I will expand on my comment to her post.

Methods (try at own risk of purchasing something you don't need or want):

Boring: This involves just letting the phone ring and ring until they give up and hang up.

Domestic Disturbance: Timing is everything with this one. Your kids or pets, must be involved in a loud conflict of some sort when the telemarketer strikes. However, in my house there is a pretty high probability of this happening at any given time. You hear the phone ring and at the crescendo of their fight, you answer the phone, hold it near the noise and shout, a la Adam Sandler style, "Welcome to my world!!" and then hang up.

Extreme interest: When the salesperson gets into their script, say things in a very dramatic fashion like, "You have got to be kidding me!! Only nineteen dollars a month for twenty years??? How can this be???" Or, "Get out! You're telling me that I can buy EXTRA PROTECTION for my credit card over the phone??? That is just insane!!!" And so on.

TMI: The telemarketer always first makes an attempt at politeness, like asking a question such as, "How are you this evening?" You then answer with exactly how you are this evening. Example, "Well since you asked, I just got back from the Doctor and he finally explained that festering growth I have on my foot, he says a fungicide should take care of it..." Or you could keep it short and just say, "I'm drunk."

Confusion (or, Hannibal Lecter-esque mind game): In plain English say, "I'm sorry, but I don't speak English." That one should really have them questioning their career choice! If they try to argue explaining that you just did, you can go on to say, "Maybe you didn't understand me because of the language barrier and all, but I must reiterate that I don't speak English, have a good night, telemarketer!"

This has been a public service announcement, thank you.

Friday Freak Magnet story! 2/27/09

2009-02-27T07:02:00.000-08:00

Today's story is not so much about me, as it is about a place I worked at four years ago. This place, for the sake of confidentiality, will be called Jerry H. Springer Elementary School. Founded 1965. This school had the intensity of a hospital ER on a full moon only it was like that everyday! I really don't know how any teaching or learning could even take place there, with everything that was happening peripherally. I mean, this is a school where the student's parents would take them to see a body when someone got shot. Yes, when, not if.
The events I am about to describe took place within a span of two hours.
Starts like this, and be glad you weren't there!: A mom of two of our students, boy in 5th grade and girl in first grade, calls me in a panic saying her daughter has been kidnapped by her father and she is going to get an "Amber Alert" put out. She is beside herself, as you can imagine. Shortly after that I go to the office for something and there is said girl in there with her father eating hamburgers! She looks at me and smiles and says, "Hi!" like nothing is going on! I am totally confused and I ask the dad what is going on. He starts yelling all these allegations about the mom, how she is letting strange men in the house, she is taking her sons medication and selling it on the street! He is so worked up that food is flying out of his mouth! I was with another counselor at the time and we walked out of the office, unsure of what to do, we were both speechless.
Then the mom comes in with her boyfriend who is still wearing pajama bottoms and slippers! Even though it looked funny, he was a scary looking dude! We knew trouble was here so we called the cops. Well now it's dismissal time for the entire school, great...Anyone who has been to an elementary school during dismissal knows how chaotic this can be. So while we are trying to get the kids off as quickly as possible the cops show up.
At this point the mom cannot restrain herself from trying to attack the dad so the cops had to put her in the back of their car. Then someone sprays Mace! People are running around in a panic, no kids, thank goodness! Random people are coming up to us begging for water to rinse out their eyes. All while this couple is fighting right out in front of our school. By now, all we can do is watch the insanity.
The mom's boyfriend yells out to the dad: "You better watch out, cuz I'm a Penitentiary Niggah and I don't mess around!" OMG! OMG! This school has gone crazy! So the cops take it from there, but that was one wild scene!
Later we wondered what he meant by his statement. Did he want us to know that he has done shameful things? Did he want us to know he is not above putting a cap in someone's @ss? From that point on our Principal called him "P.N."
That was just one of the many insane days at that school!
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading.

Ash Wednesday=the world loses it's mind!

2009-02-25T15:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, I don't know what it is about today but it started out weird/bad and got weirder/badder, with some other stuff in between...

I will walk you through my day with a narrative to give you the picture:

First some background. I hate Wednesdays, they are my most chaotic, busiest days starting with the alarm clock going off in the morning. I have to get myself ready for work, daughter ready for school, and son to my sister's house. So, walk with me will ya? Here is how my day went:

I get the kids off OK but then realize I left my just prepared coffee at home, rats! I try to move on. I get off the exit for my school and I see a guy standing on the side of the street trying to get the attention of the cars going by. He has three balloons and a box. As I get closer he starts saluting me military style! Weird. I asked a teacher I work with if he saw this strange man on his way in as well. He said: "No but today is Ash Wednesday, maybe he is giving up his sanity for lent?"

I get to the school and see that there are absolutely no parking spaces available. I then see that some rude person has taken up TWO spots in the front row with their blue mini-van. This enrages me, as it is a pet peeve of mine anyways! I stomp into the office and loudly state: "There is a blue mini-van taking up TWO spaces in the parking lot and the parking lot is full!" One of our secretaries says: "Did you say a blue mini-van?" (smirking)

Me: Yeah, why?

Her: "That is Mr. S's mini-van!"
And by "Mr.S" I mean our Principal of the school! Such nerve!

I try to get some work done when I get the call from said Principal, "Got a minute?" Oh no, this is NEVER good. So I have to interview a student who is claiming to have been sexually assaulted by another student, this is elementary school, people!
I then go to La Bou for lunch, where who do I see walking down the street? Why, it's dear Red Hat lady! This lady looks about 70 years old and she wears a fancy red hat that ties under her chin, walks with arrogance, as if to state, "It is I, Red Hat Lady." Oh, and she completes the ensemble with flannel jammies. I see her walking down the street every once in a while, so her sighting today was not surprising.
So I get to La Bou and I get in line behind these two women that came in ahead of me. One of them turns to me and says, "Are you in line?" (Uh, duh...) I say yes. She tells me to go ahead. So I do but her friend goes, "Oh." and stepped out of the way as if I cut in front of her! I am now socially confused about what just happened. I mean they were standing there talking to each other. I guess when her friend said go ahead, that did not imply her as well. Jeez!

So I get back to school and I get trapped in the pick-up line because some ding dong has parked their car in the lane which leaves me stuck because now a car is behind me as well. I am livid once again! I go up to the the driver, who is napping, btw, and I say,"Excuse me, you need to move, you are blocking me!" He snorts, but moves, what a guy! I guess I shouldn't interrupt his noon naps.
The day just continues like that, one bizarre thing after another. I did have something happen that was cool. I have a student who I always pick up right after first recess on Wednesdays. She is in first grade, and she is a bigger girl with big, dark eyes. She is always breaking or spilling things in my office, but she loves her sessions! This happens every, single time. Starts like this, she sees me when they are lining up after the bell.

Her: (loud gasp) "Are you taking me??"
Me: "Yes, M., I am taking you."
Her: (Jumping up and down) "Oh yay! oh yay! oh yay!"
Then she body slams me with a hug. Every, single time.

If only every one was so happy to see me!

On a random side note. I was waiting at a traffic light when I looked at a "One Way" arrow sign that had *FUBAR* spray painted on it. I was like, really? Do people still say/write that? Nothing new since the '80's?

Happy Ash Wednesday!

Not Me! Monday

2009-02-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
My list of shame:

I did not eat macaroni and cheese with ketchup and Sriracha hot sauce on the side. That would be gross and campy! And I do not eat it at least once a week, sick...

I do not think the chemists ("Chefs") who created Doritos, Cheetos, and Pringles are geniuses every time I eat some. That' not even real food!

I absolutely did not laugh when I saw someone trip, even if it was myself. That would be rude!

I definetly did not call my Principal in his office this morning and ask: "Permission to kick a student's @ss, Sir!" and then laugh hysterically! And, he did not, repeat, did not say: "Permission granted!" once he knew who I was talking about! That would be totally unprofessional and unethical!

I did not buy Cocoa Pebbles for the kids even though they insisted on a Lucky Charms because I secretly prefer Cocoa Pebbles, that is not good momming!

Oh! That lady trying to frantically get her daughter out of the car in the wind and rain while holding an umbrella that fell apart whilst doing so, was not me! I was not holding an umbrella frame skeleton up in the air before realizing the entire umbrella had blown away, making me look like a crazy person holding some kind of old school antenna in the air about to get struck by lightening!

I did not need to "consult" with a fellow counselor while at work about a blog I just read. We also did not concur that reading blogs while at work just makes us better counselors. That is not a good use of my time, and I would never do that. And neither would she, btw...

I did not leave a kids Birthday party in a frenzied haste because my two year old son was acting out of control, while the people left at the party probably shook their heads and "tsk, tsked" about my parenting. That would never happen to me!

Happy Monday to you all! Don't do anything I said I wouldn't do! ;)

Freak Magnet Friday! 2/20/09

2009-02-19T16:02:00.000-08:00

Today's story is just a random list of interactions I have had with my fellow human beings, all leading up to the reason I no longer make eye contact with strangers!

I saw a homeless guy right outside of a Mexican deli that I used to frequent. The food there was cheap so I thought I would be a good samaritan and buy him a burrito. As I handed it to him, he doesn't say the usual: "God bless you, thank you." He grabs my hand, looks me in the eye and says: "I want to kill myself!" Oh no.... He then goes on to tell me that his best friend stole his sleeping bag and his wife, he is so miserable he just does not want to go on. It was hard to blame him, so I just suggested he go to a shelter. I'm sure he never thought of that! But what else could I say? I have gone back to ignoring homeless people, poor souls!

One time, when I was around 30, my hubs and I went out for the night, then stopped at a liquor store to pick up some beer to have at home. I just waited in the car, and the sunroof was open because it was a summer night. All of a sudden, a group of young African American men surround my car and one of them pokes his head through the sunroof and says: "Hey baby!" I said: "What are you doing?" He said: "You looked so fly sitting in your car, how 'bout giving a brother a chance with love?" I almost died laughing! I said: "Honey, I am almost old enough to be your mom, isn't it past your bedtime, anyways?" Then of course all his friends say things like: "Damn! Shot down, that is cold!" etc. You'd think I would be a little freaked out, but the whole thing was funny. They leave and my hubs comes out, totally unaware of what just happened.

My BFF and I were staying at a youth hostel in France when I was eighteen years old. We were just hanging out on a bench in the front, when this man walks up to us and says (phonetically) "sigadet? sigadet?" We were like, "wth is a sigadet?!" Then we realized he was offering us a cigarette! Ohhhh! We said: "No, thank you." His response was to hiss at us! Like a snake! We looked at each other and fell on the ground laughing. Maybe a cultural thing? Maybe I will hiss at someone the next time they annoy me or reject my offerings of tobacco.

Brace yourself for this one, it's a doozy: Once when I was about nineteen I went on a date with this guy who wanted me to go to the bay area with him, so I went for the ride. He then pulls off into this scary looking neighborhood once we get down there and starts driving real slow. I said: "What in the world are we doing here?" He said to just hold on. I was convinced we were totally lost or something. Then these kids coming running up to the car shoving crack rocks, that's right! Crack rocks, in his face in a frenzy shouting: "Twenty dollars! Twenty dollars!" He grabs them from the kids and peels out of there, laughing (that's right! LAUGHING) about the fact that he just ripped off some juvenile drug dealers! OMG! OMG! OMG! I am surprised they didn't shoot us! This guy, btw, came from a very strict mormon family, I didn't see any of that coming. At... all. I think I blacked out after that, because I don't recall what happened after that.
I just remembered that my mom reads my blog...I wonder if she reads the Freak Magnet stories? I will find out that's for sure. When I was in high school and would be at the store with my mom, I used to try to embarrass her by shouting from two aisles away: "Mom! Mom! I found the Preparation H you were looking for!" I was really mature for my age. I'm sure she is proud...but I digress, as usual! Thanks for reading. Happy Friday!

Only at an Elementary School!

2009-02-13T21:43:00.000-08:00

I was talking with a co-worker of mine about the type of "shop talk" one would hear if they worked at an elementary school. Further, I work at a school with a high concentration of poverty, so there always seems to be some sort of drama going on. Here are some bits of conversation I have heard or things I have observed while at work.

Mother of a 5th grade boy: "If he starts to fart again in class, call me and I will come take him home immediately!"

Partner of a parent of a different 5th grade boy: "Can you please ask Mr. S to stop using Star Wars analogies in his teaching methods? It reminds him of his dad, who he doesn't get along with."

A mom walked into the office to pick up her son. She came into the office wearing boys "tighty whitey's" on her head!

A 1st grade student's uncle called us to say that he was on Google Earth and saw proof that his niece was wandering off campus...ok...

A student's excuse as to why she was absent the day before: "I didn't wake up until 2 o'clock in the afternoon."

A parent's response to why her daughter was late all the time: "It's just not important to me."

A student was wearing a dog-tag with a picture of Tupac Shakur on it. I asked him if I could get a closer look. He said: "It's Tupac, he's a rapper." Assuming that I wouldn't know who it was. I do have some "street cred" you know!

A student wondered why he couldn't hang out in my office. I told him I had a parent in there and we were talking about "grown up things". He said: "That's OK. I won't tell anyone what you guys talk about."

A student from Russia came by to see me and had scabs on his arm where he said his cousin pinched him when she couldn't take his teasing anymore. He said: "I have a good life. Except for the pinching."

A 4th grade boy was discussing with a fellow classmate how much they enjoy coming to my office. One said to the other: "Yeah, you should buy her flowers." The other boy said, "What? I don't have that kind of money!"

A parent who is known to be a bully to other parents came up to the window in the door of the Principal's office while we were talking. She looked in and jiggled the door knob but it was locked. It reminded me of that scene in Jurassic Park where the dinosaur looks in the window, jiggles the door knob and snorts, fogging up the glass.

I will periodically post more on Elementary School shop talk as more happens!

Freak Magnet Friday! Tales from my life in retail...

2009-02-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

I used to work retail for a number of years while I was going to college. Just a side note that my major was Psychology. In the early '90's I worked for about nine months at a well-known store at the Arden Fair mall in Sacramento that sold primarily leather goods. Coats, skirts, dresses, gloves, handbags, if it could be made out of leather we sold it! I learned that apparently leather attracts a lot of freaks (go figure). Here are some mini stories about some of the people I encountered while I worked as a sales associate. Btw, we did not make commission, but we always had the "wall of shame" in our backroom to show us who was making the best sales and who was making the worst. I remember thinking, "this does not motivate me in the least to sell more!" I mean, I was making $6.00 an hour for gosh sakes! But I digress...

The Cross Dresser: A man came in looking at our clothes. He was probably in his mid 50's and was rather tall and large. His demeanor reminded me of our family doctor. Professional, kind, etc. He kept looking at our largest sized skirts and was really checking them out. He asked what our largest size was, I told him 20 womens. He grabbed a size 20 red leather skirt and then very politely asked if I had any objections to him trying on the skirt! I told him whatever he does in the dressing room with our clothes was his business! I forgot about this guy until a couple years later I was sitting in a Philosophy class when it hit me where I recognized the instructor from! I gasped, and said, Oh my God!" out loud in the middle of class! Well, whatayaknow!

The pink-haired chick: This girl, late 20's, had bright, pink hair and brought a boatload of clothes up to the register. She wrote a check and we told her we had to verify funds. I called the bank and they told me, "Do not take that check!" Those checks were stolen. So, it takes us a long time to deal with all this. We called security and the cops while she was waiting. She then gets really impatient (instead of paranoid, which is what she should have felt) and says, "What the Hell is taking so long?" We kept telling her to wait, we were having trouble getting through, etc. and she just keeps huffing and puffing about having to wait for us. It took so long, that any self-respecting thief should have just got the heck out of there! But she stays, and ends up getting taken away in handcuffs! She also tried to blame me for setting her up!

The older greek guy and his young asian wife: So this couple comes in... he is in his 60's I think and is quite bulbuous, for lack of a better word. He introduces me to his wife who appears to be in her early twenties. He brags to me about how he owns a greek restaurant and gives me a business card with a picture of the restaurant that reminds me of the Pancake Circus building. They ask me to get a coat that is on a high hook, requiring me to climb a ladder, while I am wearing a skirt, ugh. My back was to them when he says to me, "When you are ready for a real man give me a call, I will show you what a good lover can do." I whipped around, because I couldn't believe my ears and he is standing there looking at me with his wife next to him just smiling at me! Eeew! As If!!!

The Cholo and his Mastercard: This young latino male, with lots of tattoos, long shorts and tall socks brings an insane amount of coats up to the register. He seemed suspicious because he would not even look at the sizes or prices of the items he wanted to purchase. Hmmm...I ring him up and tell him his total and he hands me a Mastercard that says the carholder's name is "Ronald Jones". It also stated that the card belonged to a member of the United States Postal Service. Now, I am not racist, but I was finding it hard to believe that: A). He was employed and B). That his name was "Ronald Jones". Sure enough, I ask for his ID and he says he lost it. So again, I tell him we have to verify the info. etc. and he tried to make some kind of comment about how he loves being a mailman! I almost laughed out loud! You really should have seen this guy! Anyways, we tell him we can't sell him the clothes without and ID and he just says, "Oh well." and walked away. I did get $100.00 for turning in the stolen card to the company. So that was cool.

The Playboy playmate: This (heavily bleached) blonde lady comes in and she is dressed like a streetwalker. Stiletto's, leather bustier, short skirt, big, ratted out hair, lots of make up. She looked a little rough, like she had partied hard one too many times. She starts telling us that it is imperative (my word, not hers) that she get the perfect leather outfit because she was going to do a photo shoot for Playboy magazine! She then had us all verify that she in was in fact, hot enough for such an opportunity. Whatever, lady! She flounts around for us all to admire her as she came out of the dressing room with each ensemble. She kept emphasizing that Hugh Hefner was very particular about what his ladies wear. This was just freakin' funny!

There are many more, but you get the picture! I sure learned a lot about people and their leather tastes, which was culture shock for a girl who just moved from a small, sheltered, farming community!

My little mama's boy! Or, I now understand my Mother-in -law, may she rest in peace

2009-02-09T22:58:00.001-08:00

I have been really noticing how much my dear 2 yr old son is in love with me. I have actually noticed this since the moment he was born. He was not happy about coming out, I don't think he was ready, but I was the only one who could soothe him!
If I am getting ready to go anywhere (usually when I am putting make-up on, doing my hair, etc) he starts telling me, "Don't go, mama!"
Then he tries to cling on to me like a koala bear. Today, I was not going anywhere and he still was on me like white on rice!
Him: Hold me! Hold me! Reaching for me with a sense of urgency. So I pick him up and he puts his head on my shoulder. Me: So this is what we are doing today?
Him: Yeah. Then squints his eyes for full effect.
He is a needy dude! My saying about him is that when Dear son ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! He is always telling me he loves me, he misses me, etc. and I think, "this will end someday..." One day he will, statistically speaking, be a moody, teenage boy who won't want anything to do with me for a while! I can see it now:
Me: How was school today?
Him: Fine.
Me: Anything exciting happen today?
Him: No. (Then goes off to his bedroom).
So, I just try to enjoy his constant need to be with me, near me, held by me. I know it is fleeting!
Someday I will be replaced, just hope I am ready when that time comes!

Freak Magnet Friday! Story #7

2009-02-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

Today's story takes place in 1990. I was twenty years old (a big year for me freakwise) and had just come out of a two year relationship with my first love. I was very vulnerable at this stage in my life. I was working retail and going to college at the same time. I met a new co-worker who I thought was a real cutie! He dressed nice and had a pretty decent physique. He was sweet, too, I thought. Here is my story, and be glad it wasn't you!
Here is a very key point in this story: We only dated for six weeks. I repeat, six weeks.
It started it out OK, he was very nice and very complimentary. He was always telling me I was beautiful or gorgeous, who doesn't like to hear that? So we start dating. My first clue about his freakness was when we went out for a piece of pie at Baker's Square. I ordered the banana creme pie and it was delicious, but I couldn't finish it because it was a huge piece of pie.

Him: You're not going to finish that?
Me: No way, I'm stuffed!
Him: I can't believe you are not going to finish that.
Me: Yeah, anyways, so what are we going to do after this? Should we go hang out at someone's house or go to a movie?....
Him: If my dad was here he would make you eat the whole thing. You are wasting food.
Me: Well, if you feel that strongly you eat it! (shees!)
Him: I just can't believe you are not finishing your plate.

That was weird! But I thought maybe he has some food issues or something, so I let it go. Then some days later we are on our way to a party at one of my friends apartments when he has some kind of anxiety attack in the car, while we are driving into the apartment complex.

Him: I don't want to go to this party! I hate things like this! I can't believe you are making me go! I told you I didn't want to go! (He's really escalating at this point)
Me: WTH is your problem? You never said that!
Him: Well you should know that I don't like going to parties!

So I guess I'm supposed to be some kind of mind reader with him. We ended up leaving without ever getting out of the car and I am livid! Esta loco acting like that!
We go out a few more times but he never takes me on a real date. I am just thinking this is obviously not going to work out so I start distancing myself, but he senses my retreat! So he buys me an expensive leather jacket! Oh no...this is going to make breaking it off with him all the more difficult. But, it must be done!
I decide one day shortly after to have the, "I don't think this is working" talk. I go to his house, where his dad, teenage sister, and little brother are all home. I tell him we need to talk outside. Keep in mind that this is his neighborhood, in front of his house, in the middle of the afternoon. We are standing in front of my car and I am using the old "ripping off a band-aid" technique to end things with him. Why prolong the awkwardness? He does not take this well AT ALL!

He starts sobbing hysterically, begging me not to do this to him! He is grabbing onto me and making a real scene with the crying and the snot and the whole nine. I couldn't believe the intensity of his reaction, I mean, he probably didn't even know my middle name for gosh sakes!
He is really waling and I am convinced all the neighbors are staring out their windows thinking I just told him his childhood dog died or something! The more he kept begging and pleading with me not to leave, the more disgusted I felt. I needed to go now! So I peel him off of me and got in my car and got the hell out of there!

Epilogue: He called me a few times but I didn't hear from him after that. I then ran into him while I was at a girlfriend's house. Her sister came home and wanted to introduce her new boyfriend to us, guess who? It was an extremely tense moment, but he acted like he didn't even know who I was! Fah-reek!

I need to verbally vomit on someone!

2009-02-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the gross title, but I need to vent! I just had one of the WORST evenings with my dear 5 yr old daughter, ugh! We got home and everything was cool. I could tell she was really tired, but that is nothing new. It started with homework, I had to constantly redirect her to stay on task. What should have taken ten minutes took, like forty. Example:

Me: Write this sentence: Bob is a tan and red fish.
Her: (snotty tone, picture Veruca Salt) How could a fish be tan? That is a skin color, not a fish color!
Me: Well, that's what is says, just write the sentence exactly as I said it.
Her: You're mean!
Me: (sigh) Your teacher wants you to write this sentence, even if it doesn't make sense to you.
Her: You're not listening to me! I said a fish can't be tan!

This goes on for a while. I then tell her she needs to read a story aloud to me.
Her: I don't like that story!

You get the picture. She then has a meltdown when I tell her that I can't read a book she wants me to read until I am done making dinner, but that I will be happy to read it to her when I am done. I can feel the beast stirring (see older post about this subject), I am trying to hold him at bay, but I am getting weaker...
Later: It's now finally, time for her to go to bed. She then says that we didn't have enough quality time and starts crying. I remind her that we did indeed have plenty of quality time and I remind her of the time I set aside to play "I Spy", "Simon Says", finding hidden pictures etc. She tells me I am mean again and then threatens to run away forever! At this point I am trying HARD to be patient, but it is wearing on me...and I am actually feeling ill, from trying so hard not to lose it.
I finally get her into bed and tell her that tomorrow we will have quality time again. She tells me she is not going to snuggle with me anymore because, I am so mean (Serenity now! Serenity now!). So, finally she fell asleep. And, Scene! Just one of those hard evenings, dear hubs is at work, I had the busiest day at work, but I didn't lose my patience! This is a small victory for me, believe it or not! Thanks for reading, I feel better already. Now where is that bottle of wine? :)

An impromptu post

2009-02-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

Every year for the past three years we have hosted a Superbowl party at our house. This is kind of funny because I don't really watch football and I don't like to host parties! Hosting usually fills me with anxiety about my guests, but anyways...we do a whole nacho bar with every ingredient that you could possible make nachos with! It is a lot of work but our guests seem to have a good time. We also make fresh-squeezed mandarin juice that we make screwdrivers with, and they are delish! We had an unusual mix of people consisting of neighbors and family.
It was a typical party complete with some arguments, people storming off, strange requests, anti-social guests, conflict mediation, and lots of laughing on my part! I also talked yet another person into getting on Facebook! I actually had a really good time, it was a nice day with good food and good conversations, I think the game was on somewhere but not sure if anyone was watching.

P.S. Even though I don't like hosting, I make a great guest! Feel free to invite me to any party you have, unless it is for cookware, as I hate cooking.

Not-Me-Monday!

2009-02-01T08:41:00.000-08:00

I am so happy MckMama has created this idea! I love reading others' posts on this subject. Helps me feel like I have some company! My life is more like Not-Me-Mon thru Fri! Here is my list of denials:

I did not give both my kids a little bowl of M & M's before breakfast so that I could buy some time to get on my blog.

I did not ask dear hubby where I put the 'receipt' for dear daughter when she was really misbehaving. Only a mean parent would do that!

I definitely did not ignore dear hubby while I was on the computer, and when he said, "Are you even listening to me?" I did not lie and say, "yes, I can do two things at once, you know!"

I did not blow off any of my friend's phone calls this week because I was on a, uh, social networking site, too long and ran out of time and then justified it with thinking, "If they really wanted to talk to me, they would get an account at said social networking site..." This is definitely not a problem!

I did not fantasize for the thousandth time that there was a nice little "Sleep Spray" that I could gently mist onto each of my kids each night that ensures a restful, undisturbed, 8 hour minimum of slumber...no way, that's weird.

I was not in the least embarrassed by yelling, "GET IN THE CAR!" to my kids for the third time this morning. Only a parent who was insecure about what her neighbors think would care about that!

I didn't and would never, secretly skip a few pages in a book I am reading to my kids to shorten it because I can barely keep my eyes open and the story is so long, and boring... That is what not to do with your kids! Plus, I NEVER find children's books boring or tedious, or extremely repetitive in any way.

Last, I never said to myself, "I need a glass of wine.." like three times this week. Not me! That would imply that I use alcohol to help me cope with my life, and that is just not me! :)
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Freak Magnet Friday! Story #5

2009-01-29T21:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, I was starting to get concerned that posting these stories every Friday might just make it look like I am the freak here! Maybe I am? Oh well. This story involves a woman this time, as I don't want it to look like just men are freaky.
Here is my story, and be glad it wasn't you!

It was 1998, I was twenty-eight years old, and I wanted to sell our embarrassingly out of date dining room table. I put an ad in the Penny Saver and the next day I got a call from a girl who wanted to come and look at the table. I told her where I lived and we realized we lived on the same street, what a coincidence! She said she would just walk over to look at it. She rang the doorbell and the first thing I notice is that she has put some kind of blemish concealer on her face, but forgot to blend it in. So I am looking at her wondering how someone could forget that they put little globs on their face before they left the house? I was so distracted by them because they were dotted all over her face. I wanted to grab her and say, "Here, let me blend that in for you!" But that would be weird, so I didn't. She comes in and I go to show her the table, but she doesn't seem interested in seeing it. She just looks at me and starts asking me questions:

Her: How long have you lived here? Are you married? What do you like to do for fun?

Me: Uh, the table is over here...

Her: (seeming disappointed?) Oh, yeah.

I take her to the dining room and I point to the table, she doesn't even look at it! She asks me how much I wanted for it, I told her the price or best offer, as I just wanted it out of the house. She quickly writes me a check, still hasn't looked at the table, btw, and keeps asking me questions that continue to catch me off guard! Here is more that I remember:

Her: So, maybe we could get together sometime...

Me: I, uh, I don't really, uh...

Her: I know! My husband could meet your boyfriend and maybe we could have a barbecue or go out!

At this point I don't remember what I said, but I somehow managed to get her out of the house. I asked her when she is going to pick up the table because she didn't bring a truck or anyone else with her. She didn't have an answer and I was just thinking, "Great, I am going to have to deal with her again!" So, eventually she gets her hubs to pick up the table and take it to their house. But of course, it doesn't end there.

For the next few weeks she continues to come over and ask me to do things with her, but not in a normal way! She asks me to come over and meet her parents with whom she and her husband still lived with! She also asked me to go to this "meeting" that she said I would like (never explained it either!). In all these drop-in visits, she shares with me that her parents hate her husband, because he is from a different race, and maybe they could move in with us, since we have an extra room and all! OMG!!!! What??? I remember starting to feel panicked, the way people do right before a vampire bites their neck... I know this is a weird analogy, but it fit for me at the time!
Ok, now maybe she was reaching out, lonely, selling Amway, or whatever, but her approach really creeped me out! And did she really play out that whole scenario in her head? Did she really picture me, saying, "Yes! That sounds like a grand idea! Please move in right away?"
Finally she went on her way, never to be seen again. You might wonder what my dear hubs reaction to all this was? Did he say to me, "Wow! That is weird!" Or, "Holy Cow! What was that all about??" Nope. He said, "Well, you shouldn't be surprised, you know you are a freak magnet, after all." He is sooo good at making me feel validated!

An "In Depth" Interview!

2009-01-28T20:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, first I have decided that these hearts on my themed back ground are already driving me crazy, might not wait until Valentine's Day to change it.
Second, and of no significance...I woke up this morning to the theme song from "Caillou" playing in my head! "I'm just a kid who's four! I smell like dinosaurs! I have a ginormous head and weird eyes, I'm Caillou, Caillou..." (OK, I know that's not it exactly) but jeez...
In a desperate attempt to find a new topic to blog about, I thought I would try interviewing someone I find fascinating! In this case it is my dear 5 year old daughter! To put a spin on it, I asked her, "Hey how about we pretend your are a grown up and I ask you some questions?!" She whole-heartedly agreed. She has been cranky since we got home so I thought this might distract her in a good way.
Here is the interview:

Me: (Trying to sound like Barbara Walters) So tell me, now that you are a grown up, where do you see yourself in five years?

Her: (Rude, elitist tone) I don't know!

Me: Uh, Ok, so what goals have you set for yourself?

Her: (same tone) I don't know!

Me: Hmm, what do you like to do in your spare time?

Her: What does 'spare' mean?

(Need to change interview strategy at this point)

Me: What kind of job do you want?

Her: I want to be a ballerina, and Oh! Did you know that F. wants to be a pilot? I don't know why she wants to be a pilot, she just does...

Me: That's interesting! Let's get back to you, tell me, who is the real Dear Daughter?

Her: That is a weird question! This is kind of a boring game...let's play 'I Spy'!

Me: Wait, just one more question! If you had three wishes, what would they be?

Her: (Whispering) Am I still a grown up? I will pretend that I am you!

Me: Ok, let's hear your wishes if you were really me!

Her: I wish my daughter would always be a nice girl. I wish my daughter would go to bed by herself, and I wish she would stay in her own bed the whole night!

Wow, she really knows what I want! If only she carried out this insight she has!
Immediately after those statements there was an unfortunate physical altercation between her and her little brother, which needless to say ended our extremely intellectual interview. Maybe next time!

Maybe I will try again when she is in a better mood.

20 Random Facts, Habits, Quirks About Me, pass it on!

2009-01-27T11:18:00.000-08:00

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 20 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 20 people to be tagged.

1. I have an extremely morbid sense of curiousity.
2. I became a minister of the Universal Life Church in case any couple wanted me to marry them.
3. I had both my upper and lower jaw reconstructed.
4. I was Bilingual for years, but lost it, somehow.
5. I almost died when I was 22.
6. I have demonstrated uncanny psychic abilities. (Used to freak out my husband).
7. 95% of my dreams involve the ocean in some way, shape or form.
8. I love turtles!
9. I am fascinated by Archeology.
10. When I was 14, I begged and pleaded with my mom to please, please let me watch "Purple Rain." (Denied!)
11. I was chased down and bitten by a German Shepard dog when I was in 5th grade.
12. I moved five times by the time I was six years old.
13. When I was in 8th grade I knew two things for sure: One, I am never getting married! Two, I am never having kids! (Not so much psychic ability in this case)
14. At age 27 I still had no idea what to do with my life.
15. My senior year in high school was one of the funnest years of my life.
16. I have never been in a fight.
17. Tamales are my ultimate comfort food.
18. I often wonder whether I have A.D.D.
19. I love old Batman & Robin paraphernalia.
20. Unfortunately for everyone else, on December 31st, 2008, I conquered my fear of singing karaoke! Watch out, Love Shack, baby, yeah!

Tagging The Bom G family, for now!

What Should I Blog About?

2009-01-25T13:02:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...what shall I blog about?

I know! How about that time I really lost my temper and told (warned?) dear daughter: When I hear whining, it makes me want to hit people! No, too shameful.

Oh! How about that time I walked into the garage completely naked after getting out of the shower and realizing to my horror that two of my husband's friends had stopped by? Nah, way too embarrassing!

Ah! I got it! That time I laughed out loud and hard when my mother-in-law asked to use my cell phone and then asked me why she couldn't get a dial tone? No, that was too awkward once I figured out that she was serious. Ooops....

Ok! That time I accidently ran over and dragged an orange construction cone on my way to meet one of my bosses, who, to my chagrin, witnessed the whole thing with a "WTH?" look on his face? No, that one just makes me look like an idiot!

Gosh, running out of ideas...A work story? The time a high school student asked me to go to the Prom with him, causing his whole class to laugh while I tried to maintain my professionalism? No, not a long enough story...

What about sharing my secret plan, er, I mean, fantasy? This involves me getting ready for work as usual but once I leave the house I call in sick and drive to a hotel, check-in, put pajamas back on, read magazines and take a three hour nap? No, I shouldn't share that one, just in case I actually follow through with it!

Hopefully I will come up a topic next time....

Freak Magnet Friday! Story #4

2009-01-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am still not plugged in to invite all, but I am working on it!
This is a two part story, one involving my freak magnetism followed by something that happened later that same day, which was described by a doctor as a "freak thing."
It was 1993, and I was twenty-two years old, here is my story, and be glad it wasn't you...

One afternoon I was in the middle of trying to cut off all ties to an ex-boyfriend by having the "Dear John" talk with him. He wasn't taking it so well. We are in his car driving as I am explaining that I have found someone else and we need to go our separate ways. He is not receptive to my conversation and just starts shaking his head like, no, no , no. I am then done with said conversation and notice that he has got on the freeway going the opposite direction of where we need to go.
Me: Where are you going???
Him: I am kidnapping you.
Me: Turn around and go back, someone is waiting for me!
Him: Nope, call the cops if you want, I don't care what happens now.
Me: @#$%^&*!!!!

How do I get myself into these things? Ah yes, poor judgement. Moving on...
I really turn it up with the arguing and pleading at the same time. He finally pulls off out in the middle of no where. I get out of the car because I really don't know what else to do and I am furious! I loudly try to explain to him that this is stupid and weird and eventually he will need to go home. This is when I feel a sharp, strange pain where I thought my appendix might be (I was wrong). I bend over because it hurts to stand up. Ex-boyfriend then announces:
I am taking you to the Emergency Room.
Me: Give me a break!
Him: Let's go right now, you look funny.

I kinda felt funny, too. Light headed and dizzy. So off we go to the freakin' ER!
We get there and of course have to wait. I tried to leave but the nurse tells me I'm next. So after a bunch of tests and speculations, I faint! I have never before (or since) fainted. So I was a little freaked out. I then get an ultrasound of my belly to see what's going on. I asked the Tech. if she could see anything. She doesn't answer me and calls to someone with a call button. The next thing I know a group of nurses surround me like I am on fire and are yelling all kinds of directions to each other! They put an IV in each arm and are shouting that I need to get in for surgery and they wheel me away on a gurney! W...T...F...? No one has told me anything at this point! I am totally clueless as to what is going on. Then my mom and dad show up and ask a doctor what's happening.
Mom: What are you doing with her?
Doctor: Your daughter need surgery right away!
Mom: What for? Is that necessary???
Doctor: Your daughter is bleeding internally and if she doesn't have surgery right away, she is going to die.
Me: (again, to myself) W...T...F...?

Epilogue:
I don't remember anything else until the surgery was over. The doctor said a cyst broke off in my body and ruptured some parts causing internal bleeding. A "freak thing." He said. So rare, that he didn't think to look into that possibility!
After that, my ex-boyfriend referred to himself as my Guardian Angel! That's nice...

My Fantasy Life...in the blogosphere

2009-01-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

I, like all human beings, have the basic need to be loved and adored by everyone I know. Yes, I said "basic need" as in Maslow's hierarchy of needs: Food, shelter, and need for adoration, in that order. I am new to blogging but am learning things everyday. Things like linking blogs, Memes, hosting carnivals, etc. A whole new world! In this world, my fantasy is that everyone on-line who reads blogs will read mine and react like that teacher in "A Christmas Story", where Ralphie fantasizes about his A+++++ paper, you remember, right? I will get hundreds of comments, all positive of course! Then Google notices the enormous buzz around my blog and asks me if they could please, please advertise on my blog page and would $5000.00 a month be enough???

Ok, back to reality...I do realize that the blog world can be quite an emotional roller coaster. Why? I wondered. My guess is that even though most of us are not putting our most private thoughts out there, we are journaling for all to read. Then further opening ourselves up by inviting comments from friends and (often) strangers alike! This then creates another level of possible vulnerabilities. I.e. Why is no one commenting? What was meant by that comment? Why did I lose a follower? etc. In a nutshell, a whole new avenue for social rejection!

On the flip side, I have found a new and exciting hobby with blogging! I love those I have connected with and feel like we share a kind of sisterhood, only understood by us! I say sisterhood because I have only had one comment from a man, and it was one time. I did appreciate it, nonetheless. I am completely hooked on blogging and everything about it. It is an awesome outlet for me, all thanks to the freakin' internet!

Random quotes and observations, riveting!

2009-01-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

Here are some random things that I found interesting the last few days:

Friday, at work I asked a 2nd grade student what he did over the holiday break. With a completely serious face he said:

I went Jellyfishing with my family. (See SpongeBob Squarepants cartoon for reference).

In addition what actually was funnier, was my trying to explain this to my mom, who has no idea what Spongebob is about and why I thought this was funny!

Example: Jellyfishing? What is that? Where do people do that? etc.

Yesterday, dear son came up to me wearing some butterfly wings from an old costume:

Mommy, can I fly for real with these wings???

Same day, dear daughter was eating some soup and said to herself:

Eww, this soup doesn't taste good.

Then pours some of her lemonade from her juicebox into the soup and tastes it:

Oh, that's better!

A question I asked myself:

OMG! Why are both kids stark naked in the back yard???

At a restaurant, where both my kids and both my nephews are trying to eat lunch with my dad, I hear him saying:

Ok, let's not talk about 'Butts' anymore while we are eating, ok?

They completely blew him off, btw.

Dear son wanted to sing Karaoke with grandma, grabs the microphone and starts singing:

Pee pee in the booty! Pee pee in the booty!

A musical genius he is!

Dear son says to me when he got put into a time-out:

Mommy! You are bad! Really, really, really, bad you!

Saturday morning, as I am desperately trying to sleep in, I wake up to find a hideous ghoul figurine from Halloween on my chest when I open my eyes, 'WTH'? I thought to myself. Dear daughter asks, laughing excitedly:

Did that scare you mommy? Did it scare you?

And so this has been scenes from my life this weekend. Not like it used to be!

Freak Magnet Friday story #2

2009-01-16T08:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I have not linked this to officially invite people to participate, but I am planning on working with Mr. Linky this weekend. I think part of why I have not got around to this is because I am currently dealing with an addiction problem to something called Facebook, but that's another story. As I was researching these stories a few recurring themes appeared. First, all of my good stories take place before I was married. Second, most involve a man in some way, I'm sure this is just a coincidence, as I know freakiness transcends gender! Enjoy, and be glad it wasn't you:

This story takes place in 1989, I was nineteen and attending college full-time. One day I was sitting in a criminal justice class minding my own business. The class ended, I was getting my stuff together, when out of the blue the guy who was sitting behind me asked me in a loud voice:
Can I have your phone number?
Me: What?
him: I was wondering if you would give me your phone number.

It seemed like the whole class was watching me, waiting for my answer. Frozen, until I said something. Ugh!
First of all, I have no idea who this guy is, we have never exchanged words or even a glance as far as I remembered. He seemed harmless and in my embarrassment I gave him my number. Why did I do this? Why didn't I say no, or make up ANY other excuse that I could have come up with?? To this day I don't get this, but anyways! So I give him my number and hope nothing comes of it. Wrong! He starts calling me and says he really wants to get to know me, etc. He seemed nice enough, so I met him for coffee a couple of times, no big deal, right?
He kicks it up a notch.
He now wants me to be his official girlfriend! Oh no....Here we go....
I tell him that I am kinda seeing someone else, not ready to be in a relationship, it's not you it's me, blah, blah. But this does not sway him! A few days later at school:

Weird dude: I have something that will convince you to be my girlfriend!

Me: (Heavily sighing, but amused) what is it?

He hands me what looks to be someone's diary! It is. It apparently belonged to a girl he used to date. He tells me if I read it, I will see that she spoke glowingly of him, how nice he was, how generous, loving, and all around perfect boyfriend! I hand the book back to him and I am laughing, because this seems silly to me, right? He will not be deterred by my laughter! He starts to read quotes from the book in an effort to convince me that we should be together! Oh jeez...I had this thought in that moment where I wished like crazy that ANYBODY else could be there to witness this, because this is weird, and kinda funny! Poor schlep...So then my freak radar is starting to kick in and I realize I have to cut off all contact with this guy, which is a bit difficult because we had a class together. Still, it must be done.
I tell him that this just isn't going to work out and we need to go our separate ways, yadda yadda...He kick it up another notch.
He starts giving me expensive gifts, not new gifts mind you, but someone paid a lot for these things. I'm talking a mini, hand held TV, Vaurnet sunglasses, a boom box, a HUGE teddy bear, There was more but I don't remember anymore....I tell him I cannot accept these gifts (I did manage to hang on to the mini TV, it was awesome at the time and I thought I deserved if for tolerating him as long as I did) and that is when he FINALLY realized it wasn't going to happen between us. So he stopped talking to me.
This basically ends here with one final funny moment. He started dating someone else. How do I know this? One day he was talking to her in the hallway before class started, when he saw me coming toward the class, he grabbed her and started kissing her like they were in a romance novel, I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth but managed to get past them and into my seat.