A night at the club! Yes, at my age.

Hi everybody!!
I am here, I am sorry I don't post more, but I will make a conscious effort to do so more often! So here is my latest:

To celebrate a friend's 40th Birthday we went to a dance club that caters to an "older" crowd. We got hooked up with VIP service and our own booth, which gave me an awesome view of the scene.
Now, as someone who never goes to clubs anymore, I was able to observe with a fresh perspective! I have decided that after one visit, I am qualified to be an expert in clubgear and club etiquette.

Some do's and don'ts:

DON'T wear skin tight dresses if doing so makes you look pregnant, or if you have rolls that can't be managed with Spanx. There are plenty of other clothing options, ladies!

DO hurry up in the bathroom and by one in the morning, you shouldn't bother with rearranging your "girls" or spraying a cloud of hairspray around your head. I don't think either of these actions will affect things for you at this point.

DON'T yell at people in the bathroom telling them they are doing "Bullsh-- business" and holding up the line. No one will move any faster.

DO try to make servers who spill things like an entire tray of vodka, glasses, orange juice, cranberry juice, and ice in front of your group feel less embarrassed. It can be awkward to say the least. Probably because the entire spilling episode took a really long time to end. Did I mention it can be awkward? And loud.

DON'T wear dresses that are too short. Here are some ways to tell....If your underwear is visible, or your cheeks hang out, that's a clear indication.

Did you know that wearing fishnets stockings can cut you? They can. I saw it happen.

DON"T wear shoes that you have the tendency to fall in, especially when drinking.

DO stop drinking if you are walking around with your eyes closed.

DON'T cop a feel on the dance floor. You risk bodily injury or harm.

I think this should cover it. All in all, I had a great time! I got to see people doing all kinds of strange and funny things and had friends who made me laugh until my stomach hurt. I realized that I just don't get out much late at night anymore. I forgot how much happens when your out and about late into the evening!

Yeah..don't worry about my feelings...

Hi everyone! I have missed being a part of the blog world, not sure what to say, but will post as I am inspired...
So, I was at a neighborhood BBQ this weekend where we attended the 50th Bday party of a gal we used to lived by. We walked into the house, which I have not walked into for about five years when...

Mom of friend: "Wow, hi! I did not recognize you! You put some weight on since I saw you last!"
Me: "Yeah, well you know, having kids..." ( I pat my gut area)
Her: " You finally look like a real woman!" (looks at other women in the room) "You shoulda seen her before! She was a toothpick, this thing!" (pointing at me)
Me: "Yeah.."
Other women in room: (look around awkwardly)
Her: "Well, you look nice, finally!"
Me: "Oh thanks, well, I am going to go outside and say hi to..(.blah blah blah)


So as you can see, things are status quo in my life! I am hoping to post regularly again, but for whatever reason, this has been hard for me. :( Hope you have all been well!

Anatomy 101

Hi everyone! I'm not sure who is still reading, but I am here to randomly post! I've missed the blogworld, but have been distracted by my lack of employment, I guess...

I have been looking into doing what people do when they can't find a job, consulting! I'll let you know how that works out for me in a few months hopefully! OK, so I wanted to post about a conversation with my two sweet kids one night while I was lying in bed with them, trying to get them to fall asleep. Here it is:

Dear 5 y.o son: Mom? What is the real word for a boy's peepee again?

Me: It's called a penis.

Dear son and dear 7 y.o daughter in unison: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Dear daughter: Or 'balls', the boys at my school call it balls....

Me: Um, ok, wait...(trying to get into teacher mode) Boys are born with two balls that are under neath the penis...the penis is the part that a boy pees out of.

Dear daughter: What are the balls for? Why do boys have balls?

Me: Err, they help with reproduction...Did I mention they are under the penis?

It is now quiet for a moment, while I'm sure both kids take the time to digest this nugget of knowledge, if you will...when out of the darkness:

Dear son: "I'm touching my balls right now!!!"

Yup, a day in the life around here!

A pizza my heart

OK, so I know many of you are wondering, "Where the heck has Counselormama gone?? I miss her posts!" etc. Well, I have discovered a new way to manage my stress and process through my life issues. I am now making cheesy animation "movies"! They are sooo fun and easy to do, and I really make myself LOL when I am creating them. I recommend making one even just once. I will post my latest creation called "A Pizza My Heart" or could also be called, "Valentine's Day FAIL" . To give you some background: I made this particular movie after a conversation I had with my hubs when I got home on Vday. It is verbatim. It was also after I told him two of my GF's got iphone's and one got a bike! ha ha. We did go to a nice dinner that night, but this was before that. Please to enjoy:

I want a do-over for this morning, please!

This is another post where I just need to vent, so brace yourself....
You know what I remember? I remember when I used to get ready for work in the mornings BK (Before Kids). It was quiet, I was the only one in the house, and maybe my biggest struggle was a bad hair day or forgetting my coffee on the kitchen counter. This morning, I had the opposite of this memory.
It started out easy enough, uneventful, even. I still can't pinpoint where things went awry..hmmm.
Let's see, I told four kids to get in the car and said, "Grab your backpacks and get your shoes on and get in the car." A seemingly simple request. Seemingly. Before I could even get out of the driveway someone was crying about someone else pushing them.
Then we get to the first school and I see someone I need to talk to so I tell the two girls (daughter and niece), "Let's go, the bell just rang." I wait to see that the girls are getting out of the car and I talk to the person I was looking for. Then I don't see the girls anywhere, because.... they. are. still. getting. out. of. the. car!
I have no idea what was taking them so long but anyways, I rush them along and then they come back to me while I was getting back into the car to leave and show me two late slips they got. Argh!
On to next school to drop boys off...My dear son starts to complain, "Mom! You said there was no school today, you tricked me!" Me: "What are you talking about? Of course there is school today!" This insane dialogue went on for a bit and ended no where...
So finally we get to the school and I see that my nephew has no shoes on! I said, "where are you shoes???"
He tells me, "You said I didn't have to wear them." OK, seriously, what alternate universe were these boys on where I had these conversations with them? Anyways, the icing on the cake....
I finally get the boys out of the car and see that neither one has their backpack! ARGH!!!
Before you all judge me, I want you to know that I really thought I saw each kid do what they were supposed to do, grab what they were supposed to grab, etc. but for whatever reason, something went wrong when it came time to actually get into the car. Anyways, I really do feel better now, thanks! Stay tuned for a new Freak Magnet Friday post!

We're back from a week in Disneyland!

Wow, well we made it and did a good job of having a good time. We were there on a record breaking day for number of people in attendance at Disneyland, on Tuesday. Although, I didn't need to be told there were record number of people there, it was pretty obvious. Pretty, pretty, pretty obvious, phew! But we somehow managed to keep 15 people all together to go on rides no matter what was going on. I was impressed! Here are some memorable quotes from the trip to hopefully give you a picture of how the week went:

"Is this a rollercoaster?" (Mom, who was traumatized by a small roller coaster ride earlier that day)

"I farted!!!" (Dear son, whilst in a very long and slow moving line, surrounded by people)

"That ride was awesome!!" (any one of the kids, at any given time after getting off a ride)

"Stop! Get down! Stop climbing on that!" (any one of us parents, to our kids at any given time)

"That's it! I'm writing a letter!" (Me, disappointed by the Christmas version of the Haunted Mansion after waiting in line for what seemed like four hours)

"Mulan is here!!! Mulan is here!!!" (Dear son, when Mulan walked through our breakfast buffet)

"Sir, you are obstructing traffic." "What traffic? There is no one here!" "Sir if you do not move we are going to call security..." (Interaction between my dad and line monitors at Cal Adventure, shortly before he got all Clark Griswold on them)

"Good thing Opa is still alive, because if he wasn't, then we wouldn't be going to Disneyland!" (Dear daughter, during a conversation on existentialism)

Also, randomly...noticed three different men from India discussing their need to go on the Pirates of the Carribean ride...wonder what that was about? ANYWAYS...

We all made it through the trip through the airports, through long, long lines, through vomiting at restaurants, through meltdowns in lobbies...we did it! And we loved it. Next family trip, Hawaii or Mexico, anyone?

Yes! A new post from me!

I know this has been long awaited! Much like the second coming of the Tron series or the upcoming Breaking Dawn movie...

Updates: I am about 99.9% healed from my fractured femur/hip! I guess Kelly Ripa couldn't take all the attention I was getting and decided to do the same, she's such a Copy Catter!

OK, I got hired back at my district but only at 25% of full time, but crossing my fingers that another day of work comes up somewhere.

Still having a midlife crisis and it seems to show no signs of slowing down, ugh..It's as if what's left of my youth is quickly slipping through my fingers and I am powerless to stop it....Wow, now that was depressing! Sorry, but it's true...moving on:

My kids are fabulous and fantastic!!!!! I often wonder how I got so lucky having two perfect angels bestowed upon me! Just because I have been asked to leave the library on two separate occasions just goes to show me that the general public is so jealous, jeez....;)

I would like to be able to teach my kids appreciation for what they have. I am planning to have them help out with a worthy cause this holiday season. My telling them to eat their dinner because some people have to eat out of garbage cans seems to only disgust them. You can't appreciate something unless you know how good you have it, right? If anyone has any ideas, please let me know!

I saved the most interesting tidbit for last! And that is the fact that last month I finally used the crockpot we got as a wedding gift! I am well on my way to being domesticated! oh, wait...I mean more domestic, ha ha. As someone who is known for saying, "Cooking blows!" This crockpot thing really rocks! OK, thanks for still hanging in and I think I have now stocked up enough life situations to bring back FREAK MAGNET FRIDAY! Ok, not this Friday, but anyways...stay tuned and thanks for reading still!