Creative ways to deal with telemarketers!

You'd think with caller ID that telemarketing would cease to exist, but it seems worse than ever at my house! So, I felt inspired to share some ideas of how to deal with telemarketers after reading Mainly a Midwife's blog. I will expand on my comment to her post.

Methods (try at own risk of purchasing something you don't need or want):

Boring: This involves just letting the phone ring and ring until they give up and hang up.

Domestic Disturbance: Timing is everything with this one. Your kids or pets, must be involved in a loud conflict of some sort when the telemarketer strikes. However, in my house there is a pretty high probability of this happening at any given time. You hear the phone ring and at the crescendo of their fight, you answer the phone, hold it near the noise and shout, a la Adam Sandler style, "Welcome to my world!!" and then hang up.

Extreme interest: When the salesperson gets into their script, say things in a very dramatic fashion like, "You have got to be kidding me!! Only nineteen dollars a month for twenty years??? How can this be???" Or, "Get out! You're telling me that I can buy EXTRA PROTECTION for my credit card over the phone??? That is just insane!!!" And so on.

TMI: The telemarketer always first makes an attempt at politeness, like asking a question such as, "How are you this evening?" You then answer with exactly how you are this evening. Example, "Well since you asked, I just got back from the Doctor and he finally explained that festering growth I have on my foot, he says a fungicide should take care of it..." Or you could keep it short and just say, "I'm drunk."

Confusion (or, Hannibal Lecter-esque mind game): In plain English say, "I'm sorry, but I don't speak English." That one should really have them questioning their career choice! If they try to argue explaining that you just did, you can go on to say, "Maybe you didn't understand me because of the language barrier and all, but I must reiterate that I don't speak English, have a good night, telemarketer!"

This has been a public service announcement, thank you.