Where are your manners?? A PSA

We have now reached a new stage in our family. The one where both kids are either too big, or just flat our refuse to sit in a shopping cart. This is usually OK, but I realized that there are a lot of social graces and etiquette rules that have to be taught whilst out in public. Some basics that are necessary, yet elude my kids. I am working on it, people! Yeah, you who glared at me at Trader Joe's yesterday, hope you are reading this. Anyways, this is what I actually thought was ingrained into every human, but I forgot what it was like to be three years old.

One, when reaching near someone or having to get close to someone else for whatever reason, you should always say, "Excuse me." This is also true if you find the need to walk in front of someone or you find yourself directly in their path. Making a face to match what you're saying can be helpful, too.

You should NEVER EVER point out other people's characteristics that you have noticed. i.e. Never ever say, "Mom, wook at his stomach mom, it is really, really big!" and such. This causes extreme mortification to anyone in your party who hears this. Especially if third party observers over hear this and start laughing. You should exit the premises immediately if you find yourself in this situation.

When speaking out in public, please do not shout about what you are doing, what you found on the shelf in aisle four, or shout a discussion about what foods you find "Yucky" as you stroll past them. Please only speak at a volume that does not cause everyone else to stop what they are doing to look at you.

Most important rule: Do not sneak items into the grocery cart of the person you came with. It is considered in poor taste, rude, and sneaky.

Do help the person who brought you by politely smiling at others, getting things that you are asked to grab, and telling your mom how beautiful she is helps, too. Ha ha, OK, seriously...

Ok, if I left anything out, please let me know!

Parks & Rec,....you get what you pay for!

Ok, so this is the third summer I have signed up the kids for some kind of swim class. It is dirt cheap to sign up for two weeks worth of lessons, so I can never resist. However, with "dirt cheapness" comes other things as well. Here are some I have noticed over the last three summers.

The "teachers" are all certified life guards who look like they range in age from 15-17. I could be wrong on that number, but it's my guess. The one thing they all seem to have in common is that they act like they would rather be ANYWHERE else than at the pool, teaching kids how to swim.

Their enthusiasm level ranges from mild interest, i.e "good job, whose next?" To complete checking out during class, i.e. staring off in space while the kids all splash around waiting.

These people are young men and women in bathing suits and apparently this can be EXTREMELY distracting for them. For example, one day I was watching a lesson when a male and female teacher got so caught up in their flirting, splashing each other, etc. that one of the kids goes, "um, what are we supposed to do now?" They just looked at each other.

On the flip side, our Parks and Rec is brand new and closer to our house than before. There is also a new facility with all new state of the art equipment, so that's cool. Looks like we will be signed up next summer as well!

I'm back from Sea-Tac! At the corner of Starbucks & Starbucks...

That's local speak for the Seattle and Tacoma area of Washington. It's also the call letters for the airport when you make reservations, FYI. So, I don't know if you guys remember that my Principal asked me about going to Seattle for a conference a few months ago and I nearly peed my pants with excitement! Ok, that is not the real reason I almost peed my pants, but I digress...
Here are some notes and observations about my trip:

The conference was made up of about twenty-seven women, and exactly three men. Dang it! That really put a damper on the chance of hooking up with a hottie while I was out of town. I jest!

The training I went to was long, and really, the material could have been covered in about four hours, but why do that when you can drag it out over two WHOLE days???? Plus, everyone in there was a weirdo or annoying, except for my colleague and I, of course!

Seattle was cloudy and a little cold but it is a cool city that reminded me of San Francisco, only a lot cleaner. Also, on every lamp post there are two baskets of beautiful, blooming flowers, yes! That is why Seattle has a sales tax of only 9.5%! I only smelled old pee about two times while walking around downtown, and only three people asked me for spare change.

Oh, and how do you know you are in Seattle? There is a Starbucks every three feet, literally!
No matter where you are downtown, and I really mean it could be any street...you look around and I guarantee you will see at least two Starbucks! Or Seattle's Best, which, I heard, is owned by Starbucks. I thought there was an economic crisis in the nation? If I get laid off next year, I think "Barista" is going to be my next career of choice.

Everyone there seemed super friendly and kind of mellow, that made my visit nice, especially since I was the ONLY person to go up the Space Needle who: a) Spoke English and
b). Did not have three out of control kids with me.
Any feelings I had about missing my own kids dissipated as I watched frustrated parents trying to control their cranky kids in languages I could only guess.

My last observation... during happy hour all over downtown, a bottle of wine is HALF PRICE! That pretty much makes it the same price as the grocery store, or BevMo! My colleague and I could not believe this great fortune that had been bestowed upon us. Thank goodness said colleague/ travel/conference partner is also a fan of the fermented grape!

Recommendations:
If you are there, you must visit the restaurant called, "Purple". Great wine, there are tastings of any wine you want to try, and the food was sooooo good. Ok, that's all for now! Back to normal life. Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Freak Magnet Friday! Take this job....

Hi! Ok, Thanks to Sara at Domestically Disabled, I have a story for Freak Magnet Friday! Since 1987 until present, I have had about a million jobs with about a million freakshow managers or bosses to go with each of them. They weren't all crazy/weird/pervy, but enough were! Here are a few that stand out:

"Chuckie" at one of the factory outlet stores, we sold men's clothes. Chuckie thought it was funny to put any long, tubular shaped, object in front of his pelvis and then laugh as you looked at him like you were going to throw up. He continued to do this until he got fired.

"Minerva" from another factory outlet store where we sold costume jewelry. She was an older, crotchety, lady who smoked like a chimney and would talk about EVERYBODY behind their backs. Our other bosses, customers, anyone who walked through the door was fair game. She would curse like a sailor and she had a southern accent and would use all those southern expressions to describe situations. i.e. "I was madder than a wet hen on Tuesday!"

"Kate" was my boss at a warehouse distribution place. She was in her forties and she flirted shamelessly with all the sales reps who came in. It was downright embarrasing! This is not what make her weird, though. Once I came to work, as I did everyday, and when I walked into my office I saw that my office chair was gone. Now, this was a small office space and she was the only one who stayed later than we did. I asked her what happened to my chair and this is what she told me. "Well before I left yesterday I heard some noises in the attic, so I think someone came down from there and took your chair." I kid you not, people. She said it with a straight face, too.

"Kevin" at same warehouse. This man was working on obtaining his third retirement but should have stayed home with the second. He NEVER got my name right and I got to the point where I would ignore him when he called me, he did not get this hint. He would leave to go golfing in the middle of the day and then had the audacity to tell us all about how his game went, about his golf clubs, etc. We were beyond resentful at his audacity! The best part about him was walking into his office to ask him something and he would be sound asleep, mouth agape, sitting straight up and facing his computer. This happened so often that he also got fired. I should've done mean things to him while he slept. Throw popcorn in his open mouth, draw something on his face, paint his nails....

"Bessy" was the office manager at a mental health agency where I worked, but she really should have been a client. She would start a dialogue with me like this:
Her: Good morning, Yvonne. (smiling) Me: Good morning. (smiling back) Her: Are you ok? Me: Yeah, why? Her: Well, I don't know, I'm sensing something from you. Me: Like what? No, I am fine really. Her: Are you sure? (giving me that sideways look) Me: (ugh) Yes! I am fine.
Her: I don't know, I am feeling like maybe you are mad at me or something. Are you sure nothing is bothering you?
Me: (thinking, well I am mad now for you annoying me with these weird questions!)
This happened every day! It was insanity! This dialogue would actually go on longer, but I think you get the point. It got to the point where I would want to slug her as soon as she said, "Good morning."
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!