This is a true story! Merry Christmas!

So, since this story is all about Christmas, it was imperative that I leave my hubs to put toys together with the kids so I could post. Some background:

A few weeks ago my sister, who is a Special Ed. teacher for children with severe disabilities, posted a request on her Facebook page. She asked if anyone out there had a xbox that they were willing to donate to one of her students for Christmas. This student was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He was adopted by a loving and generous family that has also adopted several other children with disabilities. They have eight or nine kids living in the household.

All this student wanted was an xbox and nothing else for Christmas. As of late, the father has come down with an illness that has affected his central nervous system, rendering him unable to work. The family fell on hard times and they are struggling to make ends meet on the mother's salary alone. This family does not even have a car to take the family anywhere.

My sister never got a response with a donation, so she felt like she at least tried to help them get an xbox. Coincidently, on Christmas eve morning, after swearing I would stay off of Facebook for the day, I logged in. One of the first status updates I read from a friend was, "Does anyone know where I can donate an xbox? It has a few games., (etc.)". I could not believe what I was reading! I immediately responded and asked if this friend was willing to donate it to my sister's student and his family. He, of course, said he would be able to drop it off that afternoon...

My sister went to drop it off at the students house, and the father of the student said his son had been praying for an xbox for Christmas! Lo and behold my sister shows up with one at their house! Is this an awesome story or what??? The father then wrote a very touching letter thanking my friend for his xbox. This friend in turn was touched and happy to be a part of making someone's Christmas special. Gosh I am tearing up again! This is like the third time now, jeez. ...Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to my readers and followers!

Happy 1st Birthday to my blog!

Well, technically, it was three days ago, but whatev. Time sure flies when you are in the blogosphere!

A year ago I had no idea where my dashboard was, or who in the Hell Mr. Linky was. I didn't know about linking to other blogs or what hosting a carnival meant (not that I ever do any of that fancy stuff). I also learned some etiquette rules and most important, that all bloggers LOVE comments! The more the better!

I have "met" some awesome people on here even though we've never actually spoke or seen each other in person. I have been moved to tears by some of your posts and have laughed until my stomach hurt at others! Such a wide variety to read out there.

I know I don't post as much as I used to but thank you all for reading and of course, for leaving your comments, they make my day, awww... Also, you may have noticed my generous use of the exclamation point. I love to use it, and feel it gives my readers a reference point to what it must be like to talk to me in person, ha ha!

So, what has been going on with me lately, you ask? Let's see....still in the throes of my midlife crisis, all I need is to have an affair with my secretary and buy a Corvette and I will be all set!

At work, there is always the drama that keeps me in business, but budget wise, things are grim.
Example:
Me to secretary: "Where is the tape? I ran out and don't see any on the supply shelf."
Secretary: "There isn't any more because we have no money to buy any and you can't borrow any of mine!"
Me: "We don't have money for tape? What am I supposed to do now???"
Secretary: "Use tacks."
Me: "Oh."
And so on, I wish John Stossell from 20/20 would show up at our school and then comment on the sad state of affairs around there. He would be mortified at our lack of tape, I'm sure.

Besides all that we are busy with basketball, gymastics, and just life in general. Thank you again to my followers, I love you guys! Oh, and especially to one of my "anonymous" followers whose only comments are things like, "Viagra viagra viagra" and such.
Peace out to all my sisters from another Mister!

What is my problem???

For whatever reason, I have not posted in a while and am not sure why. I have had lots going on, like everyone else, but it hasn't occured to me to post until I am in bed trying to remember everything that I need to do the next day. I will catch you up on some highlights and lowlights from the past few weeks.

My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this month. They could not agree on how to spend it, so they are still planning. They are a happy, traditional couple, and they often crack me up with their discussions of things. My brother is creating/filming a documentary on them, very cool.

We had a great Thanksgiving. My parents hosted 35+ people and the food was sooo good and the company was hilarious! I think the best part was hearing my cousin describe the Halloween party they went to where she dressed up as....her husband! She had his little quirks and mannerisms down pat. Ahhh, that was good stuff!

Sad note, my mom's sister passed away suddenly, she was 53 years old. She had always had health problems so we are at peace knowing that she is no longer suffering. Her funeral brought family that had not been seen in years and years, the one good thing about a funeral I guess. My mom saw some cousins she had not seen since 1965, wow.

We are thinking about moving into a bigger house, but many things need to be in order before that can happen. Also, the last time we moved, I swore I would never move again, and that was before we had kids!!!! Can you imagine?

I find that I am wanting many things for Christmas, but when I mention them to my hubs he reminds me that we are talking about moving. Boo! What a buzzkill he is! Shees... I need to find a Christmas sugar daddy, or mommy, I am not picky, ha ha. KIDDING, unless you are interested, then I am totally serious. :)

Last but not least, I leave you with this: Dear 3 year old son is in the showering looking down at his chest.

son: Mom! Look! I have boobs! (pointing at his nipples)
me: Well, those are not really boobs, those are your nipples.
son: My nipples?
Me: Yeah, every body has them.
son: Why do I have nipples?
Me: Hmmm, yes why indeed...

Anyone reading know the answer to this? I really can't figure it out!

Road trip to Reno! It's like Las Vegas...only not.

Some housekeeping before I begin. Is there a website for "blog post ideas" when you feel like you just don't have anything blogworthy to post about or are drawing a blank?
A few times I would go to post since it had been a few and just thought, "I got nothing." And when I say that (yes, I started a sentence with "And") I mean I really have a lot of great juicy material but just can't post it due to the need to protect my sources, oh well...

Ok, so I went to Reno this weekend to celebrate a friend's 40th Birthday. For those of you who have never been to downtown Reno, Nevada, let me describe it. There are a bunch of casinos ranging from fairly new to fairly old, gentlemen's clubs, and pawnshops. That is about it, really. At least that is all I could see in my immediate surroundings. We went to a few of the more popular casino's and besides the smokey ambience, I think I saw more Larks (a personal scooter thingy, often seen being driven by senior citizens) in one night than I had in the whole year previous.
Before I go on I want to say that I have nothing against the local scene, since I don't know anything about it, so please don't send me any comments telling me how great Reno is if you are from there, I'm sure there is a lot I don't know about, yadda yadda, but I digress!

We started out at this all-you-can eat sushi restaurant where I think I must have eaten a whole side of tuna to myself! It was gluttony, ugh, I was uncomfortable the rest of the night. That's what I get for eating like that, I guess. We move on to the Blackjack tables. I love 21 and I did all right for a while, but nothing to quit my day job over. I then went to the roulette table where I did very well, I couldn't lose! If you have ever played you know how addicting this game is when your number hits. I left the table before I started losing money (and also, it was too hard to reach over the two old ladies next to me, being that I was still stuffed from dinner).

Finally, one of my friends and I decide we are sick of the cheap, watered down wine we have been getting at the tables and go straight to the bar and start playing video poker so we could enjoy a decent glass of wine. Ahhh, that was nice! I also won ten bucks doing that and met some uh, interesting folks. At about one-ish in the morning (still early in the evening in Reno time) I figured I had about twenty minutes before I would collapse on the spot from exhaustion (ok, and some drinking) so I trek back to my room.

As per my midlife crisis, I was dressed in some tight jeans and black leather boots, pretty hot, eh? Until I had to take the boots off, holy moly, what a chore! I tried just bending forward to unzip them but found this position was for some reason hard to stand still in, so I fell backwards on to the bed to try it that way. Let's just say at this point I knew it would be mere seconds before I passed out, I mean, fell asleep, so I had to move quickly. The ONLY thing that kept me awake at that point was knowing that my hubs would eventually return to the room and would have loved to take a pic of me passed out on the bed in my boots! He would've tortured me with that for weeks, he is just that in love with me! Anyways! I finally got them off and slept for about nine hours. This is more sleep that I have gotten in months, so it was a nice.

Well, that was my weekend, it was fun! Thanks for reading about my exciting life. Now I just need a couple weeks to recover...

Ghetto not -so -fabulous outgoing messages

I would like to thank my friend, Angela, a fellow staff member at my school for this post idea. She and I were talking about how as part of our job, we must make several phone calls to the parents of our students. Over the years we have laughed, gasped, or just said, "WTF?" about some of the outgoing messages we have heard. From memory, I will post the ones that stand out the most. To set the scene: Picture me needing to contact a parent for reasons such as behavior concerns, setting up a meeting, or some other question. Here is some of what we hear when we dial some of these phone numbers:

Dialing...then:

A rap song full of obscenities played in it's ENTIRETY until after about three minutes I hear the beep to leave a message but by that time I have forgotten who I was calling.

This one I am quoting verbatim: "Hey all you haters and all you f----n' b-----s if you are calling to start s--- with me then don't even leave me a message. The rest of you please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible."

Or, "If I don't answer the phone that just means I don't wanna talk to you right now. Or maybe I am at the club, hayyyy!"

Or, "Leave me a message, and I will holla back at you when I feel like it!"

Sometimes it is a soulful LONG rendition of a song by Beyonce, who I like, btw. But when I have been trying to get a hold of you all day, by the third time, I really am done with the song.

And so on! I often wonder, what if the electric company calls with a question about their bill?
What if their doctor's office wants to confirm an appointment, or give them test results? Or, God forbid if someone was calling to schedule a job interview/offer? Whatever happened to just common phone courtesy? My own outgoing message is downright boring compared to these!

Just another observation I wanted to share with you all on my day to day life at work. :)

Gangsters and Fashion Designers co-existing!

Once a few years ago I was driving a student home from school, he was suspended and didn't have a ride home. The school was Title 1 and almost 100% of the student body was on free or reduced lunch. Basically a school that had a very high concentration of poverty.
The interesting thing about this neighborhood was that it was surrounded by some of our town's fanciest, priciest restaurants, upper end shops, and gourmet grocery stores. So, as we are driving we pass the backside of one of the fancy shopping centers. There is some graffiti spray painted on one of the brick walls. It was not very noticeable and I am sure I took it in as part of the background not really giving it any thought. The student I had in the car points at it and says,
"You see that? With those letters crossed out? That is why that guy was killed at those apartments last week."
He then went on to explain that a local gang had tagged a "threat" to a rival gang and when a tag is "crossed out" it means someone in that gang is going to get killed. Btw, the boy explaining this to me was only ten years old!
This got me thinking. There is like a strata in society, and I don't mean lower, middle and upper class. I feel like we are all occupying the same space, but in layers, strata, that are parallel to each other, rarely intersecting, except by accident or maybe force. I realized that on those same streets where all the nice BMW's and Mercedes are cruising there is also gang warfare, drugs, and crime operating on those exact streets! Just in a different layer, so to speak.
I wondered what else I was missing about everything that happened around there on a day to day basis. People who don't drive, or who use public transportation also experience that neighborhood in a totally different way than even I did.
Had this student not pointed this out to me, I would have never thought twice about it. Now when I drive around any neighborhood, I often look for clues about other "layers" that co-exist with me. I feel like a sociological detective around here.

"Any change, whether positive or negative, creates stress."

This is a (indirect) quote from one the kazillion books I read while I was in college getting my degree in Psychology. I am sorry, but I don't remember the author.
So, after 12 YEARS my hubs has finally had his work schedule change from swing shift to day shift! This is huge news since we have two young children, one in preschool and the other in first grade. I was basically a single parent all week and it was starting to take it's toll. Night after night after the kids would go to bed I would call my hubs at work and it would go something like this:

Him: Hello?
Me: Oh my God...(sighing loud to emphasize point)
Him: What happened?
Me: The kids almost pushed me over the edge/wore me out/drove me insane/ tonight!
Him: Why? What were they doing?

And so on! His questions were not that easy to answer. After all, they were just being kids, it's hard to explain what they were actually doing, ya know? These past few years I have a whole new respect for what single parents must go through every single day for the most part. It can be hard to juggle the needs of two kids from the moment I get home from work until they go to sleep, and that is on a good day! I realize that I am not the most organized person, this just adds to that stress, ugh.
BUT now the hubs is going to be home! I can go out during the week, even after dark! We can have dinner as a family, we can do more things together without having to wait for the weekend, I am so looking forward to all of that. The flip side? He is going to be home more than I have been used to for the last 12 years. Football will be on the TV on Mondays, and him being around means more of a chance for us to disagree about something, but I am done doing it solo, so hopefully it will all be good. I will keep you posted on how our adjustment is going!

The birds and the bees

Ok, so as you may or may not have noticed, my daughter has been asking me lot's of questions about body parts, where babies come from, etc. I wanted to give you an example of how this dialogue goes.
Dear 6 y.o. Daughter is laying in bed and I am laying next to her, we are talking about random things. Then:

Dear Daughter: Mom, what is a boy's peepee called again?
Me: It's called a penis.
Daughter: A peanut?
Me: No, not -nut, -nis!
Daughter: What? A nutnis?
Me: No, not a nutnis! Then I just started laughing.

I wonder what word she will come up with next? Maybe I will use that to talk in code...i.e. Yeah, my boss is being a real nutnis today!

Things heard around the house...

This weekend was pretty much like any other Saturday and Sunday. A bunch of plans crammed into two days! I am going to share some excerpts of of things I heard around here this weekend so you can see how my life is so full of intellectual stimulation!

Dear 6 y.o.Daughter to no one in particular: Brother has a big fat head!
Dear 3 y.o. Son: No! I don't! I don't have a big fat head!
Daughter: (whispering) Yes you do.
Son: (shouting) I DON'T HAVE A BIG FAT HEAD!!!

Ugh, so then I started to get a big, fat headache.

Dear Daughter to me: Mom, you are a fabulous weirdo! (giggles)
Me: (Trying to take a quiz on Facebook) Mmmhmm, that's nice honey.

At night I am lying next to Dear Son trying to get him to sleep. He keeps finding excuses to talk.
Son: Mom! Mom! I want to say something!
Me: Go to sleep.
Son: But please, please I want to say something to you!
Me: Okay! What do you want to say?
Son: (shouting) "You're my boy, Blue!!!" (we both laugh)

At dinner tonight. We are all sitting around the kitchen table. We are all just eating and talking, it's pretty uneventful.
Dear Son to my hubs: Daddy, are you freaking out?
Hubs: Huh? No I am not freaking out.
Son: Oh, Ok, I was seeing if you were freaking out.

He just goes back to eating like it was a totally normal thing to ask.

Earlier today Dear Son is almost bursting with anticipation when he come to get me out of the laundry room.
Son: Mom! Come here, come over here and sit down and rest.
Me: OK, I will sit down and rest. Where do you want me to sit?
Son: (the anticipation is killing him at this point!) Right here! Right here on this chair!
I sit on a strategically placed Whoopie cushion. A loud, flatulent sound emits.

He laughs so hard he can barely breathe! A well spent one dollar, I must say :)


And there you have just a small sliver of what it is like over here on a daily basis. If you have young children you know exactly what I am talking about, and if you don't have any I am sure you can't wait to have these kinds of cerebral discussion in your household!

Blast from the deprived '70's past

So today I was talking with my neighbor about the toys we used to have back in the '7o's. It was one of those kidsthesedaysdon'tknowhowgoodtheyhaveit...conversations.

I thought I would share with you one of the toys I brought up, the Lite Brite! Did we get in new in the box? No way! Not when there was a perfectly good one (with God knows how many of the color pegs missing) available at a garage sale for a fraction of the price! Who cares if the light bulb was missing? You could always find one in the house somewhere.

And the picture templates all used up? No worries, we just tore the pages out of our coloring books and Voila! A new template to plug into!

Oh and don't forget we were not wasteful back in the day, so we had to keep the lightbulb OFF while we were creating our latest design until we were FINISHED with putting all the color pegs into the Lite Brite! Wasting electricity, even if from one light, was forbidden.

So, I want to hear from you, what toys do you remember the most? Which ones were always breaking, or didn't quite work right, or which do you have the most fond memory of?

I need everyone's opinion on this!

About ten years ago a small incident happened that I still wonder about. I will put the situation out there for you, please weigh in on what you think! Here it is:
Scene: Having some friends over to hang out in the backyard on a Sunday afternoon. Friend A is there with her hubs, Friend B is there with her hubs and two young children.
Friend A goes in the house to make an appetizer for us. She decides to use my new crystal serving dish and bowl to bring out said appetizer to the backyard. Here is what happened next. Picture this in slow motion for maximum effect. Friend A starts to walk out of the house into the backyard with the dish when Friend B's daughter runs into her. The dish and bowl and the food all go flying in the air, and my dish and bowl shatter into a million pieces....everyone scrambles to clean up the mess.

My question: Do you think either Friend A or Friend B should have offered to replace my crystal? It was kind of expensive, but I don't remember how much. If either one of them had offered, I would have been happy with that, but neither one of them said anything about it. Should I just have chalked it up as a party foul? Should I have chastized my friend for using my "fancy" dishes, when really she was just trying to make things nice? Should I have said to Friend B that she needs to control her kids better? (ha ha ha! I am just kidding, I have kids). I would love to hear all of your opinions on this riveting social dilemma! Also if either Friend A or Friend B is reading this, please give me your opinion as well. OK, waiting to hear from you now....

Budget cuts, smudget butts

First, I want to say that unfortunately, this is not a Freak Magnet Friday post. Ugh! So today I find out that our district is planning to lay-off all but FOUR counselors in the whole district next year. I am pretty sure that includes me in the layoffs. I have been at my school for five years now and I LOVE it! This is so depressing. The budget is so bad that it doesn't look good outside of the district either. Sigh... On the plus side? Let's see...

I still have a pulse.
I still have full use of all my limbs.
My house has not caught fire.
There have been no hurricanes or flooding to destroy the town I live in.
I can still tolerate lactose.
I am still hot for being almost forty (hee hee).
I am not allergic to red wine (Thank you, God!)

I don't want to count any more blessings in case I have inadvertently jinxed myself by mentioning all of the above. The next time I post it will hopefully include some good news!

Freak Magnet Friday!

Today's story has had some logistics changed as it is a work-related story. Ok, so I used to work at this elementary school, and at this school we have custodians! No surprise there, but one of them is a bit strange, freakish, if you will. He is the kind of person who mumbles underneath his breath to no one in particular. When you walk by him he purposefully looks away even though you are face to face, making too awkward to say hello or anything. Of course, he has chosen ME (and probably others) to exhibit his weirdness. Here are some excerpts from some of our painful but short interactions on campus:

Example a).

Me: Hi, I locked my keys in my office, could you open my door?

Him: Oh, so now you talk to me...when you need something.

Me: What do you mean? You never say anything to me either.

Him: The woman is supposed to be the one to start contact with the man.

Me: huh? (awkward smile/silence)

Example b).

Him: You know Happy Hour starts at four o'clock.

Me: Okayyyy....

Him: (next day) I went to your office, you said you were taking me to Happy Hour but you didn't. I see how you are.

Me: I never said I was taking you to Happy Hour! Happy Hour where?

him: Yes, you did. Remember when I told you about Happy hour yesterday? That's when.

Me: (thinking) "Estas loco!"

Example c).

Him: What do you do in your office all day, sleep? Everyday I wonder what you do in there. I really, really wonder, do you just come in, collect your paycheck and leave? I should have gone to college so I can get a job where I can go in and sleep the whole time. One day I am going to find out what you're doing in there, just wait.

Me: (thinking) Should I get mad or just feel sorry for him? Get a restraining order?

Last example: One time one of our new, very young teachers called him on his walkie and asked him to help her hang something up on her wall. He LITERALLY tripped over things running to get to her classroom, like she said she was on fire or something! This was hilarious! Aaah, puppy love...

And so on! You might read this and think he is just trying to joke around, banter with me, right? I would think so too, but he is not smiling or laughing when he says these things to me, it is very weird. He also told me that the entire staff at one point or another has bought him lunch and that I haven't bought him lunch yet, so....ugh!!!

Who knows what his story is? I know that when I do lock myself out of my office from time to time, that I am going to have a painful weird conversation to go along with it!

Thanks for reading! Happy Friday!

How this year is going so far...

First, again, I am sorry I haven't posted more! It's not like I don't have anything to say that's for sure. Here is an update about how things are going with the kids, me, the hubs, etc.

Dear 3 yo son: He has stopped crying when I drop him him off at preschool! He says he likes it, at one point he was getting rewarded to stop crying, shees. He is currently obsessed with finding (and collecting) rolly-pollies ( I think their real name is sow bug). He still loves to be totally naked and uses any excuse to strip off his clothes. ie. "I am really mad at you so I take off my clothes!" etc. He is still my little mama's boy, though.

Dear 6 yo daughter: She loves her first grade teacher! Everyday I hear something that he did that she just thought was the neatest thing. I am still getting used to what I consider an INSANE amount of homework for a six year old, it takes her well over an hour everyday. We have also hit a record in our house for how many birthday parties we can attend in one month! It is just crazy and hard to keep up with. What's with all these people being born?? :) She currently loves to pretend to be pregnant while carrying a bunch of baby dolls with her. She will go to the "hospital" and have a baby like every ten minutes. If only it was that quick and easy! She is also in gymnastics once a week and I am pretty impressed with what she has learned to far. The gym is owned by some Russians and they don't mess around, which is good for her.

I am back at work and busy as ever! I got a new intern, so hopefully he turns out to be helpful, unlike a few others I have had in the past. Including one who called in sick once "in case" she was going to get sick later, as a flu had been going around. WTF? The student population is the same, lots of trauma and drama. Some of the kids tell me things that still leave me speechless as to what they have been exposed to, it can be so sad. The good news here is that my Principal told my new intern that I was the best school counselor he has ever worked with!!! I was so happy to hear him say that since I really put my heart and soul into the job! I have a crazy drop off and pick up schedule with all the kids, but it somehow manages to work out, thank God. I still try to have GNO's (Girl's Night Out) as much as possible, but sometimes I am just too tired!

The hubs: After working the swing shift and me not seeing him all week for twelve years, he will be going to the day shift in October! I hope this doesn't end our marriage!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, was that too many ha's? I do worry about how we will adjust but hopefully we will be able to accomplish more during the week now. I am also hoping it cuts down on the amount of naps he takes, he is like Rip Van Winkle with all the sleeping! Most important, he is not able to help me do anything if he is asleep! I of course, and just worried about how I will be impacted by all this, after all, it's my world and he just lives in it! :) I'm kidding, kind of...anyways! That is us in a nutshell and I am really going to make an effort to post more so thanks for continuing to read my blog!

Strange things that happen to people, a dialogue

So in my job I work with all walks of life. I have come to realize that some people seem to have chronic bad luck, chronic crisis, and a host of other situations. There are many times at work where I just think, "Oh, the humanity!" I had such a strange conversation with someone on the phone while at work, it was so random, that I thought I would try to recreate the phone call for you. By they way, I have no idea why this info was shared with me. Here goes:

Me: Hello?
Her: Hi, Mrs. Counselor, it's *Yolanda.
Me: Hi Yolanda, what's going on?
Her: Oh nothing, just calling to check in.
Me: Oh, anything on your mind?
Her: Did you know that I fell off the city bus three times?
Me: You did?
Her: Yeah, the first time, I was getting off the bus and I tripped and fell and the bus almost ran over my foot.
Me: Oh no!
Her: The second time, I was getting off the bus and the driver closed the door on my foot and started to drive away, everyone on the bus was yelling at the driver to stop.
Me: Wow, that is unbelievable.
Her: Yeah, and the third time I fell off the bus I was pregnant and had the infant carrier with me because I had my baby with me. I tripped, fell into a tree and my groceries went flying everywhere, but we were all ok.
Me: I am so glad you were all ok and no one got hurt! What is going on? Why do you think you keep falling off the bus?
Her: I don't know, it's just me I guess....

She really did not give me any reason for telling me about this, I just think some people have this kind of energy where things like this happen!
So the next time you are having a bad day, remember that someone, somewhere, is probably having a worse day, so count your blessings when you can! Happy Friday!
Thanks for reading!

Freak Magnet Friday!

Hi, just a notice that I posted this as one of my notes a while back on Facebook, so if we are friends on there, sorry, but you may have heard this before...the rest of you, enjoy!

So today I go into Walgreen's to pick up an Rx and I have to wait in line, sigh...this Walgreen's is in a sketchy part of town so there is always an interesting mix of people in there. There is this man in line who is probably in his '50's, he has on spandex shorts and a bike shirt. He has a road bike with him and he keeps fiddling with the pedals, the tires, etc. Then he looks up and starts STARING at me, of course! "Oh no, here we go..." I thought to myself. He looks at me and says, "Are you Portuguese?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Are you Mexican?"
Me: "Uh, yeah."
Him: "Yes! I knew it! I knew it when I saw you!"
Me: (awkward, polite smile)
Him: "Do you have a bike?"
Me: "No." (I really do have one, but didn't want to divulge)
Him: (Asking me something in Portuguese)
Me: "I don't understand."
Pharmacy tech: "Next!"
Saved by the Tech!
I get my stuff and leave and he shouts to me: "You should get a bike!"
These are the things that happen to me on an all too regular basis! It's fun to be me!

"I'm not getting on Facebook, or Bluebook, or whatever you call it!"

Yes, this is a direct quote... from my mom, or grandmother, you might ask? No, it is from one of my dearest friends! She refuses to get on Facebook because she "doesn't have time". Yeah, I used to say that too! I have been begging her and a few other of my close friends to join this social phenomena but some just flat out refuse, waaahh. You know who you are :)
What is so interesting to me about Facebook is the fact that my cousins, my neighbors, my old teammates, old co-workers, ex-boyfriends, and new friends are like all in one location. This is very surreal to me and I still have moments where my brain just can't wrap itself around the FB world. I can see a message from both my cousin in Texas and a guy I used to date in the same inbox. It's like everyone I know from years past until today, all in one big room together!
I also noticed that the majority of my Friends on there are the people I grew up with. Apparently, even though we all go our separate ways, we have all (well, not all) come full circle and reconnected. I love, love, love that! I love that I know what people I care about are up to and what is new with them.
What I don't like, is the repetitive status updates, or now called, "What's on your mind?" Such as:
"Billy Joe is dragging on Monday..."
"Sally Sue is wondering why is it only Wednesday??? Two more days!!!"
"Jed Smith is going to the gym."
"Nancy Jones has a headache."
"John John just ate an apple."

And the most over posted status? "TGIF!" I know you like Fridays, most people do.

So, other than that, and irrelevant quiz results or bizarre analogies (I.e. "Which antibiotic are you?" Your result: Penicillin!!!"

So this is a plea to my friends who refuse the book, to please join so that we can complain and laugh together!

Freak Magnet Friday!

This story takes place around 1995, I was in my last semester of college and I needed a job. I saw an ad for an "Office Assistant" that paid pretty well, it was in my neighborhood, and it was part-time, perfect! I called and had a phone interview with a man who owned his own business that he ran from home and just needed help getting organized. I talked to him for a while and he said although I sounded like an "intelligent young lady" he wanted someone with more office experience. After we hung up, I said to my boyfriend (now hubs) "Watch, he will call me back and offer me the job." Sure enough, the next day the job was mine.

So I start working for him and he was right, his office was a mess! Boxes of invoices were everywhere, bills, bank statements, etc. I am eager to help him clean this all up.
After a few weeks, I realize why he was so unorganized. I would get to his house and all he would do is talk! He would talk about everything! His health, his family, wondered why he was still single, etc. I would get bored and say something like, "Which box should we get started with?" Or something along those lines. He would just wave them off like he had better things to do.
So I soon realized that he was paying me to be there to listen to him talk! He would talk for the entire four hours I was there! Well, this is a freak magnet story, so here is where it takes a turn..

One day I was there and in the middle of my trying to do some work he says, "Hey, it's lunch time, I have food I will just make us something." I thought this was nice so I said OK. He takes off to his kitchen and I hear him whipping up all kinds of stuff, chopping food, singing to himself.
I wondered what the hell was taking him so long to pull out the bread and lunch meat?
He comes into the office and says, "It is really nice outside, lets eat out on the patio."
I go out to the patio and he has it set up like a romantic restaurant! There is flowers on a vase, he pours me a glass of wine, and he serves up a very fancy delicious meal, I must say. So we are sitting there eating lunch, but I feel like I'm on a date with this older dude. It was so weird. He acted like he did this everyday or something!
As time went on I noticed that he started asking me a lot more personal questions, and was always complimenting me, etc. I saw where this was going! He then asks me to meet him at a restaurant downtown. I thought, "Am I getting paid for this?" I wasn't sure why we had to meet there. I sit down and he is acting very nervous. My freak vibes are in full force. Ugh...I saw what was coming. Here is a part of the extremely awkward and uncomfortable dialogue that followed:

Him: Well, you know I wanted to talk to you about something.
Me: Yeah?
Him: Do you know what it is?
Me: Uh, no...
Him: It has come to my attention that I have become rather fond of your company.
Me: (Why is there no hole opening up for me to fall into???)
Him: Do you know where I am going with this?
Me: Yeah... (help, wish cell phones were around more at this time!)
Him: Well I am offering you a relationship with me, I think we would make a great couple.
Me: (Never feeling more uncomfortable IN MY LIFE) Well, I have a boyfriend, sooo....

I wanted to add, You are twenty years older than me, you have told me so much about yourself that there is no way I would ever get involved with all those issues, you are shorter than I am (not that there is anything wrong with that...), you have this quirk of running your hand through your hair and then smelling your fingers, ewww. Anyways, needless to say we never spoke again.

Follow up: I found out recently that he did find someone to marry and have children with. His family is well known in the community, they carry some weight, but I really can't say more! Oh well, thanks for reading! Happy Friday!

Adjustment period

My dear son is still having a hard time getting used to being at Pre-school! Everyday he says to me, "I don't have to go to school ebber again, right?" Sigh... This morning as soon as I said let's go, he put his head down and looked so sad. We get to the school and he just has these tears going down his face, he doesn't cling to me or scream or anything, it's so heartbreaking! I know he isn't the first kid to cry at school, I can't wait until he actually enjoys going! It is a good thing I have to go straight to work because I get busy and then I don't have time to worry as much. So that's that...
My dear daughter just turned six and she starts first grade this Wednesday, I figured out that once this happens the four of us (dear hubs included) will be at four different schools everday, crazy!
Is this the boring post ever? Just wondering....
On a different note, I have a story for Freak Magnet Friday! Stay tuned!

And we're baaack!

Dear readers,

When I first started this blog, I thought I would have endless material to post about! After all, my life is a plethora of entertainment! While technically anything could be material, I like to wait until I have something cool to post about, or something annoying to complain about.

Since yesterday was our first day of school and we are starting to get back into our routines, I think I should have time to post more....plus being at work gives me lots of material, too!

Next week my dear daughter will begin first grade! How did this happen? Who took my baby and replaced her with a first grader? My dear son, who is three, began preschool for the first time, with mostly good results. He still cries each time, but it seems to be short lived. Here is an excerpt from a conversation yesterday in the car:

Me: Dear son, what is your favorite thing to do at Pre-school?

Dear daughter: (interrupting) I know! Cry???? (sarcastic tone)

Me: (Glaring at dear daughter, but secretly impressed by her well placed use of sarcasm) Don't say that to your brother, let him tell me.

Dear son: Crying is NOT my favorite thing!! I like the Legos....

So you see, everything is going to be fine! I promise to post more regularly! Don't stop reading, and most importantly, don't stop commenting!

A post of my day, not pretty

So, I went to bed at 1:OO am this morning, woke up at 6:30am because I knew my dear 3yo son would be starting preschool for the first time..
He was not happy about getting up, but I managed to get him to school and distracted enough to stay there...
I then got ready to go to work for the first time in two months, ugh! How did this sneak up on me so quickly?
I prepared a training for the staff with a colleague who felt the same...
I picked up dear 5 year old daughter from a friends house..
Ran countless errands..
I am back on the ride again!!!
I think I need to go work out and then a millionth trip to Target tomorrow, good times! Maybe I will try to fit in swim time at Parks and Rec?
It is not even September! I remember being lazy and doing whatever I wanted until THE DAY AFTER LABOR DAY! Does anyone else remember that? This is life in the new millenium I guess!

Where are your manners?? A PSA

We have now reached a new stage in our family. The one where both kids are either too big, or just flat our refuse to sit in a shopping cart. This is usually OK, but I realized that there are a lot of social graces and etiquette rules that have to be taught whilst out in public. Some basics that are necessary, yet elude my kids. I am working on it, people! Yeah, you who glared at me at Trader Joe's yesterday, hope you are reading this. Anyways, this is what I actually thought was ingrained into every human, but I forgot what it was like to be three years old.

One, when reaching near someone or having to get close to someone else for whatever reason, you should always say, "Excuse me." This is also true if you find the need to walk in front of someone or you find yourself directly in their path. Making a face to match what you're saying can be helpful, too.

You should NEVER EVER point out other people's characteristics that you have noticed. i.e. Never ever say, "Mom, wook at his stomach mom, it is really, really big!" and such. This causes extreme mortification to anyone in your party who hears this. Especially if third party observers over hear this and start laughing. You should exit the premises immediately if you find yourself in this situation.

When speaking out in public, please do not shout about what you are doing, what you found on the shelf in aisle four, or shout a discussion about what foods you find "Yucky" as you stroll past them. Please only speak at a volume that does not cause everyone else to stop what they are doing to look at you.

Most important rule: Do not sneak items into the grocery cart of the person you came with. It is considered in poor taste, rude, and sneaky.

Do help the person who brought you by politely smiling at others, getting things that you are asked to grab, and telling your mom how beautiful she is helps, too. Ha ha, OK, seriously...

Ok, if I left anything out, please let me know!

Parks & Rec,....you get what you pay for!

Ok, so this is the third summer I have signed up the kids for some kind of swim class. It is dirt cheap to sign up for two weeks worth of lessons, so I can never resist. However, with "dirt cheapness" comes other things as well. Here are some I have noticed over the last three summers.

The "teachers" are all certified life guards who look like they range in age from 15-17. I could be wrong on that number, but it's my guess. The one thing they all seem to have in common is that they act like they would rather be ANYWHERE else than at the pool, teaching kids how to swim.

Their enthusiasm level ranges from mild interest, i.e "good job, whose next?" To complete checking out during class, i.e. staring off in space while the kids all splash around waiting.

These people are young men and women in bathing suits and apparently this can be EXTREMELY distracting for them. For example, one day I was watching a lesson when a male and female teacher got so caught up in their flirting, splashing each other, etc. that one of the kids goes, "um, what are we supposed to do now?" They just looked at each other.

On the flip side, our Parks and Rec is brand new and closer to our house than before. There is also a new facility with all new state of the art equipment, so that's cool. Looks like we will be signed up next summer as well!

I'm back from Sea-Tac! At the corner of Starbucks & Starbucks...

That's local speak for the Seattle and Tacoma area of Washington. It's also the call letters for the airport when you make reservations, FYI. So, I don't know if you guys remember that my Principal asked me about going to Seattle for a conference a few months ago and I nearly peed my pants with excitement! Ok, that is not the real reason I almost peed my pants, but I digress...
Here are some notes and observations about my trip:

The conference was made up of about twenty-seven women, and exactly three men. Dang it! That really put a damper on the chance of hooking up with a hottie while I was out of town. I jest!

The training I went to was long, and really, the material could have been covered in about four hours, but why do that when you can drag it out over two WHOLE days???? Plus, everyone in there was a weirdo or annoying, except for my colleague and I, of course!

Seattle was cloudy and a little cold but it is a cool city that reminded me of San Francisco, only a lot cleaner. Also, on every lamp post there are two baskets of beautiful, blooming flowers, yes! That is why Seattle has a sales tax of only 9.5%! I only smelled old pee about two times while walking around downtown, and only three people asked me for spare change.

Oh, and how do you know you are in Seattle? There is a Starbucks every three feet, literally!
No matter where you are downtown, and I really mean it could be any street...you look around and I guarantee you will see at least two Starbucks! Or Seattle's Best, which, I heard, is owned by Starbucks. I thought there was an economic crisis in the nation? If I get laid off next year, I think "Barista" is going to be my next career of choice.

Everyone there seemed super friendly and kind of mellow, that made my visit nice, especially since I was the ONLY person to go up the Space Needle who: a) Spoke English and
b). Did not have three out of control kids with me.
Any feelings I had about missing my own kids dissipated as I watched frustrated parents trying to control their cranky kids in languages I could only guess.

My last observation... during happy hour all over downtown, a bottle of wine is HALF PRICE! That pretty much makes it the same price as the grocery store, or BevMo! My colleague and I could not believe this great fortune that had been bestowed upon us. Thank goodness said colleague/ travel/conference partner is also a fan of the fermented grape!

Recommendations:
If you are there, you must visit the restaurant called, "Purple". Great wine, there are tastings of any wine you want to try, and the food was sooooo good. Ok, that's all for now! Back to normal life. Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Freak Magnet Friday! Take this job....

Hi! Ok, Thanks to Sara at Domestically Disabled, I have a story for Freak Magnet Friday! Since 1987 until present, I have had about a million jobs with about a million freakshow managers or bosses to go with each of them. They weren't all crazy/weird/pervy, but enough were! Here are a few that stand out:

"Chuckie" at one of the factory outlet stores, we sold men's clothes. Chuckie thought it was funny to put any long, tubular shaped, object in front of his pelvis and then laugh as you looked at him like you were going to throw up. He continued to do this until he got fired.

"Minerva" from another factory outlet store where we sold costume jewelry. She was an older, crotchety, lady who smoked like a chimney and would talk about EVERYBODY behind their backs. Our other bosses, customers, anyone who walked through the door was fair game. She would curse like a sailor and she had a southern accent and would use all those southern expressions to describe situations. i.e. "I was madder than a wet hen on Tuesday!"

"Kate" was my boss at a warehouse distribution place. She was in her forties and she flirted shamelessly with all the sales reps who came in. It was downright embarrasing! This is not what make her weird, though. Once I came to work, as I did everyday, and when I walked into my office I saw that my office chair was gone. Now, this was a small office space and she was the only one who stayed later than we did. I asked her what happened to my chair and this is what she told me. "Well before I left yesterday I heard some noises in the attic, so I think someone came down from there and took your chair." I kid you not, people. She said it with a straight face, too.

"Kevin" at same warehouse. This man was working on obtaining his third retirement but should have stayed home with the second. He NEVER got my name right and I got to the point where I would ignore him when he called me, he did not get this hint. He would leave to go golfing in the middle of the day and then had the audacity to tell us all about how his game went, about his golf clubs, etc. We were beyond resentful at his audacity! The best part about him was walking into his office to ask him something and he would be sound asleep, mouth agape, sitting straight up and facing his computer. This happened so often that he also got fired. I should've done mean things to him while he slept. Throw popcorn in his open mouth, draw something on his face, paint his nails....

"Bessy" was the office manager at a mental health agency where I worked, but she really should have been a client. She would start a dialogue with me like this:
Her: Good morning, Yvonne. (smiling) Me: Good morning. (smiling back) Her: Are you ok? Me: Yeah, why? Her: Well, I don't know, I'm sensing something from you. Me: Like what? No, I am fine really. Her: Are you sure? (giving me that sideways look) Me: (ugh) Yes! I am fine.
Her: I don't know, I am feeling like maybe you are mad at me or something. Are you sure nothing is bothering you?
Me: (thinking, well I am mad now for you annoying me with these weird questions!)
This happened every day! It was insanity! This dialogue would actually go on longer, but I think you get the point. It got to the point where I would want to slug her as soon as she said, "Good morning."
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Things I love about summertime...

Warm nights
Swimming
The sound of crickets in the evening
Not feeling rushed about anything
Lazy afternoons
Sleeping in (somewhat)
No school/work
Memories of summers past (Lake Berryessa, anyone?)
Barbequing with friends
Enjoying a glass of wine on the patio

I have some plans that will prevent me from updating my blog as regularly, but I am still around. Summer plans call!

A major Toy Sweep around here!

So I am off work for a while, yay elementary school schedule! I have been doing some major cleaning and reorganizing. Today I did the freezer, fridge, and pantry, and then I tackled the playroom. Normally I do this about every other month to get rid of knick knacks from parties, prizes, and such, but today I was on a mission!
I went into the playroom and cleaned it out with a vengeance! If I stepped on it? Gone. If I couldn't find what went with it? Gone. If I asked if they stilll wanted it and got no answer? Gone. I felt more motivated as I filled the goodwill and/or garbage bags. If I was tired of looking at it? Gone.
I actually had an EMPTY drawer when I was finished. It felt great.
There is still a major amount of random toys left. A blue plastic beetle that for some reason my kids love to leave places to scare me. Some naked Barbies, hotwheels, plastic horses, pigs, and cows. Baby dolls, again sans, clothing....
It is amazing to me how much this stuff adds up!
I feel so good! Tomorrow? Our "inboxes", you know, the stuff you put somewhere to read/file later? I will keep you posted on my mission to keep our house clutter free!

About my dad!

Hi everyone! Since it is Father's Day on Sunday, I wanted to let you know a few things about my dad. Here are some random tidbits:

He was born and raised in The Netherlands and moved to southern Cal when he was eighteen.

He met my mom at the local community college's international students club.

He doesn't sweat the small stuff. I like to think that I got this trait from him.

He is a shameless flirt! I have always found this so amusing. :)

He is extremely generous, patient, and is a truly happy and kind human being.

I was his first child and when I was born he thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

EVERY time I see him he looks so dang happy to see me, as if it's been years! Although most of the time it's only been a few days.

He helped invent a "wine machine" that uses NMR technology to see if a bottle of wine is still good.

He is the smartest person I know.

Because of this, he doesn't see any rhyme or reason to being "fashionable" or always trying to say things in a politically correct manner.

He has the best stories!

Social graces are just not that big a deal to him, which has either embarrassed me, or made me laugh, countless times in my life.

When I was about ten years old, I was in love with visiting San Francisco. So, he took our whole family to hang out at Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39 almost every weekend over that summer.

He plays with my kids. And I mean, really gets right down on the ground and enters their fantasy world as they know it. He does this every time he is with them, even if he is exhausted.

He took two pre-teen and teenage soccer teams to Europe, TWICE.

I get many emails from kids he used to coach back in the day (they are now men, by the way) telling me how much they appreciate that my dad was kind, caring, and never degraded them, or made them feel bad in any way.

When he did coach, he always treated his WHOLE team to lunch at McDonald's when they had away games, much to my mother's chagrin!

Best of all, he loves me and my kids, unconditionally, with all his heart. I love him too, so much!
Happy Father's Day, Dad!

This cream is for wrinkles!

So I am getting ready to go out and I put my face cream on and dear five yr old daughter reaches for it. I take it from her.
Here is how the rest of that went:

Me: This cream is for grown-ups.
Her: Why is it just for grown-ups?
Me: It's to help hide wrinkles.
Her: What does a wrinkle look like?
Me: Like this, see? When I smile? You can see the wrinkles.
Her: You don't need to smile mom, I can see them even when you don't smile.

sigh......

364 more days, but whose counting?

Dear God, I am going to be forty on my next birthday!!! How did that happen? Where did the time go? I still feel so young! (Well, on most days...) I am pretty happy about where I am in life. I have a job that I love, love, love...it's the one place where I feel like I truly know what I'm doing!
My family is great, even though I am always posting about how they drive me insane, which they do, but such is life.
We are all currently blessed with good health, and when I say that I mean my entire extended family. This is truly just amazing to me. Just means we have good genes I guess.
This post is just to acknowledge and appreciate all that I have, especially since my mid-life crisis has kicked in. Does this mean I am going to buy a sports car? No, it means that I am going to try to accept ALL social invitations that I can handle and go out and have fun as much as possible. I see senior discount days are about ten years away for me, so I plan to live it up until then! Not saying I plan to dig a hole in the backyard and just lay in it at that time, but life is short, and you only go around once!
That is all! Happy Birthday to me, I totally rock! :)

A plea for help from all you stylish bloggers!

Hello everyone! My birthday is coming up and I have decided that I need a new book/messenger/hobo bag to lug my work stuff around in. I need ideas for cute bag choices! I went to "Nordy's" but got overwhelmed by the choices and the prices. Any ideas from you would be greatly appreciated! This is what I need:

Something that I can look at day after day without getting tired of it. I.e. nothing too bright or loud.

A bag that is going to get abused and dirty! I throw my bag around and it goes with me everywhere at work. I am not easy on my stuff.

A bag that can hold my lunch, my purse, and my other paperwork junk.

I am looking to spend no more than $200.00

Any ideas? please help! Thanks blog sisters! (and brothers, if there are any who read this)

Am awaiting your comments, ideas starting, now!

Tonight's walk with the kids, CPS worthy

So, every night I promise the kids a walk with the dog after dinner, IF THEY BEHAVE. Sorry to shout, anyways...each night has been wonderful, the kids are looking at bugs, they pick dandelions, we go up to the levy. It has been so nice, until tonight! I had to do the old, "I'm turning around right now if you don't stop fighting with each other!" threat several times, but yes they were idle threats, as I was not about to just stay in the house with them in that mood.

As we are walking down one of the busier streets, dear son takes off running like there is no tomorrow and as I chase him dear daughter starts crying saying I am just leaving her behind....
I couldn't win! At one point I had to strong arm both of them back into the jog stroller and at that moment at least a million cars drove by to see me at my finest parenting moment. Sigh....

We are finally on our way back to the house when both kids have decided the push the jog stroller, one on each side. I praise them for their cooperation and problem solving skills. This is when dear son puts his arm around dear daughter and says, "You're my best friend!" I was like, "awww, that is so precious!" Record scratch sound! Dear daughter pulls away from him, causing him to fall, and says, "We are not friends, you are my brother, and that is family not friends!" (Blahhhh!) I actually said to myself, "I hate being a parent sometimes!"
Sorry, just needed to vent, unlike my last post! ha ha. Thanks for listening.

Not a freak story! Or is it? Life with my son

Last night we had "Open House" at my school, and since dear hubs works nights I brought both kids with me. Dear five year old daughter is fine out in public. Dear three year old son? Different story.
In the few minutes that we were all in the multi-purpose room listening to the Principal talk my son loudly told me that he wants to go back to my office. He asked SEVERAL times to make sure I heard his demands. Then he grabbed the whistle that was around my neck attached to my name badge and put it in his mouth. I told him, "DON'T blow that." He breathed really slowly in and out of the whistle and when I took it out of his mouth he YELLED, "I want the whistle! I won't blow it!" So, to keep him quiet I give it to him and tell him not to blow in it. His response? To BLOW the whistle. So, now everyone looks at us, because a loud whistle just erupted from us. I am livid and embarrassed, so I take him to my office for a time-out. He crosses his arms in front of himself and says, "You're mean, mommy!" Sigh....there's more, but you get the picture!

This is a little person who:

Removed several screws from different areas of the house (toys, outlets, etc) and brought them to me.
Swallowed a penny last week.
Poured the sugar all over the counter and then "swept" it all around with his hand.
Peed in a "Water Blaster" tube and then "launched" said urine.
Pulled every, single diaper wipe out of a new box.
Sprayed the kitchen counter, stove, microwave and dishwasher with the sink sprayer nozzle.
Stepped on, and got stung by two bees, two days in a row.
Spent five nights in the PICU for respiratory distress.
Had three black eyes before he could even walk.
When he's angry, He MUST hit something, or someone and growls, "Really, really, really bad you!!!!"
Hits his sister just to make her mad enough to attack him, over and over.

Life with my little man! His saving grace is that he is just nuts about me and hugs me and tells me he loves me so much...makes me forget all this other stuff until the next incident!
Is this what it's like with boys? Or is it just mine?

Field Trip!

Our 5th graders went on a field trip to the "Exploratorium" about three hours away. When they were done visiting the museum they all loaded up with their little groups and then their chaperones drove them back to the hotel. Well they got into a "Home Alone" situation and left one of the students in the parking lot! He wandered back to the museum where the security guards helped him out. All ended well, but I would hate to be the chaperone who was in charge of that kid!

Freak Magnet Friday! With great power, comes great responsibilty.

So, I have started to notice a few things about myself lately. One, is that my subtle psychic abilities seem to be returning after a six year hiatus. This affinity tends to run on my mom's side of the family. Just ask Trueloveisamama and Wenbren! Coincidently, so has my freak magnetism. So much so, that I have three separate incidents that have transpired over the last few weeks! The bad news? I cannot share these stories at this time, as they are just too risky to blog about at this point. Don't stop reading! Don't boo me!
I have been trying to figure out what is going on with me. It is kind of neat in a way, and confusing. I came up with this: My youngest child has just turned three, technically not a baby anymore, hence not quite as needy. I think this has freed up some of my mental energy and I kind of feel like the baby fog is lifting sooo...maybe that's it? Not sure. But I promise to share a story when I think it's safe enough to post!
On a separate note, today I was making the rounds in the upper grade classrooms when I walked by a 5th grade class that had erupted in laughter. I poked my head in and saw that a student had fallen over in his chair. I asked the teacher what happened. He said the student next to him passed gas so loudly that the other student got "blown out of his chair." The teacher and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. "The children are out future", isn't that great?
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Blame the parents!

Ok, so I have posted some comments that the students make around my school, but after today's events I have to post some things the parents have said, and all I can say is that I fear for our future! Not really, but kind of, anyways!

Today we had a student who has not turned in any homework, she is in first grade. All the kids in her class who turned in their homework could then color as a reward. When said student was told she could not color until she did her work, she had a major meltdown and then ran out of her class. Her mom's reaction? It wasn't fair that her daughter couldn't color when the rest of the class could! She could not see our rationale. Ugh!

Another first grade student stole a dollar from a classmate. He was sent to the office for a referral. This boy's mom said we were picking on him, threw a dollar at our secretary and said she was taking him out of school...to spite us I guess? Sigh...

We had a couple of students get into a fight. The one who started it got suspended and sent home. The one who fought back got an in-school suspension. The parent of the fight starter was adamant about about finding out how we disciplined the other student and wanted to make sure we did not just suspend her son. How about just focusing on your own child?

This is the last one because I am getting annoyed just remembering this stuff!
We have a student who is seven years old, the poor thing does not recognize any letters, or numbers, colors or basically anything else. Retaining her was brought up so that she could catch up with another year in second grade, which is still way beyond the level she is at now. The parents reaction? We are racist! Oh dear...

So when we get blamed as a school for "failing" to help a student, nobody seems to point the finger at the ones who influence the child the most! Oh wait, I have to mention this last one!

A parent called and asked us to please stop sending ANY thing home in her son's backpack, as it is just too much for her to keep up with it all! I am totally serious! This is also a student whose dad comes to pick him up smelling like Marijuana more times than not. Yeah. This is what we are up against in my neck of the woods!

Freak Magnet Friday! I thought he was gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Back in about 1995 I was finishing up all the classes for my minor in college, which was Social Work, go figure..but anyways, I had about four classes in a row back to back and so there was a small co-hort of us that spent all this time together, three times a week.

Eventually I met a guy named "Edgar" who was about one of three guys in the Social Work department. He was about my height, close to my weight, and very effeminate, in my opinion. We always sat by each other and we would gossip like teenage girls in high school, it was fun! We even wrote notes during class, we really brought out each other's mature side! I had so much fun with Edgar because I was convinced he was gay and so this was a very freeing experience to hang out with a man in this way. I felt like he was my first gay friend and I pictured us hanging out at clubs, gossiping about the other people at the clubs, and all that fun stuff you do with your gay guy friends.
I never came out and asked Edgar if he was gay because, one, it wasn't my place, and two, once when we were walking from one of our classes to the next a bee came flying around us and this is EXACTLY how he reacted:

Edgar: "Oh my God! A bee! (Flailing around, waving the bee away in a frenzy, swatting at the air) Oh my God, go away bee! Go away!"

Yeah, you be the judge on that one.

So one day we are walking from class to class and we're just chatting, when out of the blue he says to me, "Um, this is so hard for me to say, but I don't think I can be friends with you anymore."

Me: "What? Why, what happened?"

Edgar: "Well when you talk to me about you and your boyfriend I can't take it! I want to just beat him up and take you away with me so that I can have you all to myself! I picture all these instances where I save you from some dangerous situation and you are so happy that you just fall in love with me...so you see why it's too painful for me to talk to you anymore?"
Me: (crickets chirping, mouth agape) Hmm, thought he was gay?

Later, after some weeks go by and he has been ignoring me, I figure he would be over whatever that was and be willing to hang out with me again. He tells me, "No, I just can't. It's too painful." Man, really convinced he was gay.

Whatever! He called me about a year later, asked me if I still had a boyfriend, I said yes. He then tells me, "Well it was nice knowing you, I thought it wouldn't bother me to hear this, but is still does." Dude! Are you sure your not gay? Remember the bee incident?

Ok, so now it is years later, and I would bet that he either got out of denial and admitted he was gay, or is married to a woman who is very masculine! Not that there's anything wrong with that! Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Happy mother's Day to all you Mama's out there!

I just wanted to first, apologize for not posting a Freak Magnet Friday post, I went blank but I have one ready for next Friday!
Next, I just wanted to show appreciation for all moms out there who do the best that they can do everyday for their kids. I think most of us have parenting moments that we are not proud of, and we often feel guilt about it, or think we are not good moms. I wanted to just point out that the world out there has unfairness, weirdness, hostility, and dishonestly. These are issues that every human being will be exposed to at some point in their lives, unfortunately.
My point? That when we show our kids that we are not perfect, that sometimes we react in a way we feel bad about, or we handle a situation poorly, etc. we are actually teaching our kids how to deal with imperfection in others. I think that is a great gift!
So the next time you, Ok I, lose it over something the kids did, I will take comfort in knowing that I am teaching them how to deal with tough world out there! Gosh, I feel better already!
Happy Mother's Day to all my mom readers and my mom-to-be readers! The hardest, yet most rewarding job in the universe!

More stuff heard on campus

Ok, so this is the time of year that gets real stressful at a school. Testing is almost over, tensions have spilled over, and some people are just sick of things. I thought this would be a good time to post some quotes heard around school lately. Here goes:

"I got into a fight with her because she said my mom looks like an 'Oompa Loompa'".
(No offense, but she kinda does!)

"I got in trouble because I said, 'Bagina'. I know what a 'Bagina' is but my dad told me to stop saying that."
(No kidding? Can't imagine why hearing you say that makes him uncomfortable.)

"I'm having a good day, Mrs. S!" Teacher: "No, he's not!"
(sigh...)

"Get off the floor, get up, and get back to class!"
(Can you imagine your boss saying something like this to you? It would be hilarious, and you would probably get fired shortly afterwards)

"People are just too crazy about me and it bugs me because it just causes me a lot of problems."
(Heavy is the head...)

"Well, Suzy told me that she is my friend, but she would not be my friend if I am friends with Sally, but Sally said we could only be friends if I was friends with her and Sara, but not Suzy...",
(Etc, etc. Some things never change, remember 4th grade? Ah, yes, I remember it well...)

"I got a citation for no reason!"
(I love to then say, "So it says on your citation, 'reason': "None!" I didn't know that box was on there!)

"It's Billy's fault I got in trouble!"
(Blaming others, a classic and wildly popular form of not taking personal responsibility for ones actions, can last WELL into adulthood)

"Everyone else was talking, but I am the only one who got in trouble!
(everybody: "IT'S NOT FAIR!")

Yup, life at an elementary school, folks!

Sick of the sickness!

So we are again at the time of year where my kids seem to be chronically ill with something or the other. My 3yo son is battling yet another cold on the tail end of dealing with a cold that left him with some sort of rash. My daughter finally got over her cold but still has a lingering cough just like me!
I have gone in late or called in sick to work so many times since April that I can't believe they haven't fired me, yet. I am wondering when this will end? Or at least, slow down? It seems to happen every year around this time.
I grew up out in the country before antibacterial and before any swine flu scares. I don't remember being sick this much. I mean, I had a father who smoked all the time, indoors!
I can only hope this is building immune systems in this house. Is any one else feeling like this, or dealing with this? I am starting to wonder what I am doing wrong/ I wash their hands all the time and the kids get enough sleep, eat right, etc.
Just feeling kind of exhausted...maybe because last night I only slept four hours because dear son had a croup attack at 11:30pm that didn't subside until 1:40a? I can't wait for health to reappear around here! Anyways, this is what has been happening around here. Oh yeah, we got a new dog! He is a calm, yellow Lab around one year old. His name is Bodie, but we call him Bo, for short. So far, so good! I gotta go, I hear someone coughing!

Freak Magnet Friday! Yet another weirdo I dated!

This story takes place in early 1990. I was still reeling from the "first love" break-up and was just trying to get through school and life. I was nineteen, close to twenty years old. Remember, this was "peak freak" time for me!
So I am hanging out with some friends when one of our friends brings over a guy he met while working in Utah for the summer. This guy had black hair and eyes the color of Windex! He was super cute in my opinion and said he came out to California to get a "fresh start" (Later I realized that fresh start=running from the Law). He was really charming and was a "life of the party" type of person. So, we start dating! It seemed normal enough at first. But then strange things started to happen. For one, he kept having to move out of wherever he was staying for various reasons. He never lasted for more than a couple of weeks at any place. Hmmm...then people we were hanging out with all seemed to have things stolen. All kinds of things, too. It seemed weird that all my friends were getting things stolen all the time.
More stuff...then he loses the job he got for reasons unknown to me. He gets desperate, but says he can't go back to Utah because it is just too conservative for him. He came from a Mormon family (remember the guy who stole drugs from those kids? If not read back through my Freak Magnet stories!) and said his parents wanted him more involved than he wanted to be. That was his reason. In a matter of three weeks he gains about fifty pounds, which was weird, since he was broke all the time. So now this guy is not looking as good as he used to both physically and as a person in general. I start to try to distance myself. Sound familiar?
He then gets beaten up by one of his roommates at his latest place of residence and says he has to move again! I just couldn't believe his "bad luck." So naive! A lot more drama happens and I see a pattern of him pissing people off and it never seemed to be his fault, again, hmmmm...
The last straw was when he begged to borrow my car to go to the bay area to visit his aunt to get money from her. I was hesitant, but thought, if he gets money, then he can get on his feet (I know! I am so dumb sometimes!). So he borrows my car and is gone for over TEN HOURS!
This was before cell phones so I was really mad and also freaking out. He finally calls me from a pay phone and gives me the stupidest, most unbelievable story about why he was gone so long! I mean it was so unreal and made-up that I told myself, "That's it! We're done!"
Divine intervention happens and he says he is going back to Utah! Woo hoo! I don't even need to give him a reason not to see him anymore! BUT he needs a ride to someone's house and then he will be gone. Well, at this point I am all about getting him the Hell out of town as quickly as possible! I told him I would give him a ride and then I helped him pack EXACTLY the way Elaine did on that one Seinfeld episode where she was trying to get rid of that guy and didn't want him to miss his flight! It was hilarious!
So he was gone, and I never heard from him again. I am pretty sure he is serving time for something somewhere, maybe he reads blogs while he is in there...
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

I wanna get off the ride!

Phew! Does everyone else feel they are overscheduled and overbooked with things? I feel like our weekends are packed to the maximum and when Monday rolls around I think, now I can relax!
And by relax I mean:
Get up, get ready for work, get the kids ready for school/babysitter, drop everyone off, get to work, be productive, go pick up the kids, get home, do homework, make dinner, referee fights, play games, take baths, get stuff ready for the next day, etc.
Of course this did not even include making doctor/dentist/Optometrist appointments, run errands, house work, and a kazillion other things I probably forgot!
I just feel like we are on this fast moving roller coaster and sometimes I wanna yell, "Stop! I want to get off now!" My kids are not even old enough to be in organized sports where I hear this takes up A LOT of time. So this lead me to think of my own childhood. My parents had three of us and I know we did things, but was it like this??? I don't remember having so many things to do, but I'm sure my mom would disagree! Anyways, I just needed to vent for a minute, thanks for hearing me out!

Freak Magnet Friday! Vegas, baby...I star this time

This is a story that is brief, but I think I am the freak in this instance! For I cannot explain my behavior except to say that I was the one who acted strangely.

It was 1994, I was twenty-four and my boyfriend (now hubs) and I went to Las Vegas for the first time in our lives. If you have never been there it is quite a sight to behold! It's like Disneyland for gamblers. There are flashing blinking lights of all colors, everywhere! I spent the first half hour I think just staring at it all, taking it all in.

At some point we decide to go to one of THE major casinos there, Caesar's Palace! (echo announcer voice) This place is just over the top with the whole gold chariot statues, columns, etc.
So we go in and we decide to play a few slot machines. It was relatively dead in there since it was early in the afternoon, so we just wandered around leisurely. Eventually we get separated, but not a big deal since there aren't many people in there. I start gambling at one of the slot machines when I hear a voice. It sounded EXACTLY like Barry White, and it said:

"Are you enjoying yourself this afternoon?"
This is when the weird trance I fell into started! I looked up slowly and see this tall, dark, muscular man, dressed like a Roman soldier from the old Empire days looking at me! He is at least 6' 5" and he is all decked out and shiny, and I hear myself say:

"Yes, I am." In a hushed tone.

He then says to me (Gosh it was sooo romance novelly!):

"Would you be interested in signing up for our Caesar's Palace Game Tracking Card?"
Me: "Uh huh..."

Him: "Follow me to the Customer Service Counter."

Me: "Uh huh..."

And I followed this Roman Soldier, I guess to the counter, but honestly I don't remember! I was so hypnotized by him in all his splendor, and that voice! I would have followed him out the door and down the street! Who knows??? It was so strange, and it ended as soon as I didn't see him anymore, but that was just freakness on my part! Never knew what came over me either, maybe Great Caesar's ghost?
Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

The one zen-like time of the day in my life

Every night I promise to lay in bed with Dear 5 yr old Daughter, and Dear 3 yr old son until they fall asleep. So each night after some arguing and tussling, there is a little discussion of the days events, followed by silence, then some fidgeting, and then stillness...both sleeping!

Then I have this enormous feeling of peace that comes over me. Both kids slowly and steadily breathing. Their little bodies snuggled against me, one on each side. I feel harmonious, like all is right in the world...

Shhhh...please don't ruin it by asking what the mornings are like!

The $28.00 Slice Of Watermelon & More...

So I am back from Disneyland and I have compiled a list of things that I like and things that I don't, about the Magic Kingdom:

Things that I like:

It's fun!

Everyone is friendly.

The rides are great.

The food is not bad.

There is no riff raff.

The kids are entertained the whole time.

The parade is neat.

The firework show is awesome!

Great family bonding time.

Perfect weather.

Fast Pass, Switch Pass, and a stroller, all necessities!

Things that I don't like:

A bottle of water is three dollars.

We ate at a breakfast buffet where certain Characters harassed us the whole time we were trying to eat.

We paid TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS for dear son to eat a slice of watermelon at said buffet. Yes! They charged us that much for a two year old to eat breakfast and that is all he ate! To even things out a little, I put a banana in our bag for later, that'll show 'em!

I waited in line an hour and a half so that dear daughter could talk to Belle from Beauty and the Beast for one minute.

Even though we had a stroller, dear son insisted on being held the entire day on our last day there. Our backs will never be the same!

Does a kids size small T-shirt made in Malaysia really need to cost $24.00?

Our $300 a night room had no free continental breakfast, no entertainment for the kids, except an arcade, and housekeeping only changed the sheets and left the rest of the room a mess. Is this too much to ask for a little extra's thrown in at this price?

The seven and a half hour drive sitting between two bored kids at the seventh hour with a surround sound noise level that had me uttering the mantra, "Serenity now! Serenity now!"

So there you have it, our trip in a nutshell! It's good to be back.

I'm going to Disneyland!

Hi everyone!
I am leaving for Disneyland right after the Easter festivities. I will be out of town for four days so I will be on blog hiatus for a short time. I am hoping to have a something interesting to post about when I get back if I am not prescribed Xanax for my post traumatic stress of being in The Happiest Place on Earth! Wish me luck!
Happy Easter!

Freak Magnet Friday! Renaissance love...

Ok, so I am kinda freaking out about the statement I made about having endless stories about the freaks that I have encountered in my life. I guess I haven't lived long enough to have that kind of supply! Maybe I should tone it down to, "Big Weirdo Wednesday!" Or something. But I did remember a family I worked with when I was at Jerry H. Springer Elementary School.
It was the first day of school and this little couple, both being around 5'2" dropped into my office. She was tiny and had long blond hair and glasses. Her husband, was a bit rotund for his height and had long blond hair in a pony tail and a full beard.
For apparently no reason, they felt they had to come in and tell me their history of how they met, and on the first day of school, no less. So the wife tells me that she met her husband at a Renaissance Faire and he was dressed in the full regalia, tights, funky shoes, etc. He really went all out and she says to me, "He looked really hot, I mean who wouldn't be turned on by that, right?"
(Right....) She goes on to say how they eventually got married and their son is now at our school. By the way, her husband talked over her the WHOLE time she was telling me all of this, very annoying. But anyways... Their son, they tell me, is very precocious (aren't they all? sigh...) and that as a result he often has behavior problems. Whoa, didn't see that coming! Anyways, they bring said son in to meet me. He is too cute, a little tow head, with a freakin' full on Mullet! I was like, dear God, why would they do that to him? This is a rough school, why invite trouble? Different strokes, I guess.
So after a few weeks I notice that this couple would come in every week and just plop down on my couch and start shooting the breeze, like I was their personal therapist! They never had any complaints, just chit chat. So I had to cut them off.
The husband then started invading his son's teacher's personal space. Example: We are eating lunch in the staff room and he walks in, doesn't say excuse me or anything, looks at the teacher, who is trying to eat and says, "I need to talk to you about N's homework!" She was a new teacher and she was aghast. I however, had seen where this was going. So I cut him off and say, "Excuse me, but this is Miss E's lunch time, you will have to find a different time to talk to her." Mr. Renaissance Man then says to me, "I will not be talked to in that manner! I am going to talk to the Principal about how I have been treated!" Maybe I should have spoken his language? Like, "Dear sir! Pleasest do seeist that thyne teacher is trying to commence the eating of her feast, now beat it!" Or something along those lines.
That is basically all I have about this funky family. I wonder if they still frequent the Renaissance Fairs? Happy Friday! Thanks for reading!

Excuses, excuses...

Ok, so we are now on Spring break at my school, but before I left we were talking about all the crazy excuses we have for students being absent or late to school. I went through some of the late slips and here is what I found:

The slip has printed on it: Reason late:

"We were partying this morning." (Nice!)

"Stuck in traffic." (yeah, you live around the corner!)

"Forgot there was school today." (That's just dumb)

"Alarm didn't go off."

"She was blessed with her monthly visitor." (We are a staff of 90% women, could you imagine?)

"My cell phone died." (and?)

"His dad doesn't know what time school starts." (Father Of The Year!)

"Thought it was minimum day." ( ok...)

"Just late." ( oh, elusive!)

"She didn't go to bed until 2 am." (WHY??)

It goes on and on! To my teacher readers, I know you feel me on this! What kind of message do these excuses send? These students will hopefully have jobs some day, and these just won't fly with most bosses, last I checked. I fear for the next generation, Ok, I know people say that for every generation but still.